} Your friend is a real sicko! Homelessness is a serious problem. If
} it's really true that your friend "melts all over the sidewalk every
} time she sees" a "small, rounded, not too fat, not too skinny" street
} person, she needs serious psychological counseling. Hopefully, though,
} you're just joking.
} However, if you are joking, I must complain that this is far too
} grevious a problem to make fun of. Homelessness is America's #1
} domestic problem, and treating it lightly doesn't help any.
} Also, the Oracle is slightly confused. All people have the right to
} self- determination; slavery was abolished ages ago. As such, the
} Oracle does not understand what you mean by "guy's bums"; perhaps you
} think Donald Trump owns a few, but even so, the Oracle does not know why
} you wouldn't say "Trump's bums".
} >Message from kinzler@iuvax on ttyp0 at 16:03...
} >You're not fooling anyone. The Oracle feigning ignorance is about as
} >believable as Donald Trump feigning poverty.
} Huh? But I
} >Now look. Answer the question as it was meant, or else!
} I thought we agreed that I could legitimately misinterpret questions.
} >Only when it's not so obvious. What was the very first use of the word
} >bum in this person's question? In "guy's bums". You can't rely on an
} >ambiguity in the word "bum" when the very first use of it is
} But look, how am I supposed to answer this question? It's pretty st
} >Stop! Don't say that on the air! Now look, you're the one who has to
} >answer questions, not me. Why don't you ask a sub-process? Or ring up
} >Satan. Hey, here's a cute idea. How about you try to talk satan@hell,
} >but you mistype accidentally, and you call stan@hell?
} Ahem. Excuse me. Who just got through telling me it was my job?
} >Well, umm, it was just a thought.
} Yeah, and a pretty lame one at that. Why don't you just run along now.
} Ok, where was I? Oh yeah.
} Your friend is a real sicko! People's behinds are not a primary,
} secondary, or even tertiary sexual characteristic. Besides, the Oracle
} prefers really large ones, and cannot sympathize (the Oracle's favorites
} are "mud flaps"). Although I knows some analysts, I can't think of any
} good anal-ysts at the moment, so I suggests that your friend merely
} restrain herself from going out so much (getting a case of agoraphobia
} might help here). On the other hand, does it make your friend unhappy?
} If not, perhaps she should just continue as she is. I find it amusing
} to watch people melt on the sidewalk. [With that link, the Oracle takes
} this opportunity to present a PSA:]
} Say, summer is coming on quickly. When it gets hot outside, it's even
} hotter inside a closed car. It's so hot...
} >How hot is it?
} Shut up, Stephen.
} It's hot enough to fry a dog's brain. So please, leave Rover at home.
} It's also hot enough to fry a cat's tail. And hot enough to melt a
} bald guy's toupee. And hot enough to burn an ant to death through a
} magnifying glass. And hot enough to make iuvax run slow. And hot
} enough to fry an egg. And hot enough to drive an announcer insane.
} So, please, don't film any commercials inside a closed car.
} [Fade to black.]
} Whew. There goes our PSA for the year. I hate these FCC rules.
} >Uh, Oracle? I hate to tell you this...
} >We have to do one per Oracularities posting now.
} What! [indignant tone] Not a chance! I'll fix those Commie mutants...
} % rlogin [node-censored] -l root
} FCC internet monitoring station.
} Running UCSF-YCTAOS, April 11, 16:30 pm.
} [node-censored] will be down sporadically
} for the next five years. Sorry for the
} #$$# logout
} "A man, a LAN, unix -- inunalanama!"
} -- Barren Taste, "An MS-DOS hacker's guide to Unix"
} Goodbye, root, and have a hoopy day!
} Well, that should take care of that problem. Now, on to other
} >You forgot th
} Oh, yeah, thanks.
} You owe the Oracle the script to the Zucker, Zucker, and Abrams
} production "Top Secret".
} % scenario -pdonald-trump -spoverty-feigning
} Loading: donald-trump...Done
} Loading: poverty-feigning...Done
} Donald Trump, wearing a custom-tailored tuxedo, stands before the
} Trump Wall of China. He is speaking:
} "...all my life I've been rich, and now I suddenly find myself
} destitute! Can you imagine? I mean, if you've been poor all your
} life, it's no big deal, 'cause you're used to it. But imagine being
} dumped from the lap of luxury to the state I'm in..."
} Hey! Are you still here? Get lost!
} % talk email@example.com
} [Waiting for connection]