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Internet Oracularities #146

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Usenet Oracularities #146    (11 votes, 2.9 mean, offensive)
Compiled-By: Steve Kinzler <kinzler@cs.indiana.edu>
Date: Thu, 19 Apr 90 13:51:33 -0500

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146   11 votes 52031 05231 02423 34310 41321 11423 03260 15410 01262 23330
146   2.9 mean  2.4   3.0   3.5   2.2   2.5   3.5   3.3   2.5   3.8   2.6


146-01    (52031 dist, 2.4 mean, offensive)
Selected-By: Steve Kinzler <kinzler@cs.indiana.edu>

The Usenet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> Dear Oracle:
>
> I have read your last posting, and I find that your answers are morally
> bankrupt.  What do you have to say for yourself?
>
> Sincerely,
>   Jesse Helms.

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} Oh, Mr. Helms... you are more pathetic than the newspapers give you
} credit for.  I'm morally bankrupt, am I?  You, sir, are mentally
} bankrupt!  You don't care about the Lord and his word of love, you
} just want to get and maintain political power using any means
} possible.  You pick Christianity, since most people believe it and
} few people will question it.  That way, you will be able to get away
} with almost anything.  You truly are a worm.
}
} This is just like the furor over Mapplethorpe's art.  You could have
} looked at it, have been disgusted, and tried to get its funding
} revoked because it was stupid and disgusting.  But noooooo.  You
} have to go out of your way to find RELIGIOUS meaning!  And
} homosexual meanings!  Well, Mr. Helms, last time I checked, there
} was no law against homosexuality.  If you had said nothing,
} Mapplethorpe's work would have faded away into obscurity under its
} own vice.  But you had to make a big deal about it and raise
} hackles.  Now the public can't get enough of it.  Guess what?  Your
} tactics backfired 180 degrees!  Do you really have such little
} foresight that you couldn't see this obvious chain of events?  You
} really do need the Oracle.  Before you ruin me, try asking me some
} sensible questions.  Maybe you could straighten out your life a bit.
}
} Now on to your charge against me.  I am morally bankrupt?  Let's
} look at context here.  That's right!  Context!  Do you even know
} what the word means?  I doubt it.  How many of the women trying to
} enter the blockaded abortion clinics are going there because they
} were raped?  You don't even know!  You just want to raise hackles in
} the name of the Lord.  You don't know the first thing about God's
} love.  That's a worse blasphemy than openly worshiping Satan.
}
} Now on to context and how it affects your charge against the Oracle.
} The last posting, you say.  Did you notice that the last posting was
} sent to rec.humor?  That's right!  The Oracularities are meant to be
} HUMOROUS!  That's no excuse for moral bankruptcy, but if you think
} about it (cough! cough! what a stench of burning dust!) you'll
} realize that any of my musings that are straight-thinking, correct,
} serious, and morally correct WON'T GET POSTED TO A HUMOR NEWSGROUP!
} I suppose you could care less that I've kept this world from
} exploding numerous times.  Take a look at a recent answer I
} wrote:
}
} The Usenet Oracle has pondered your question deeply.
} Your question was:
}
} > Oh wondrous Oracle, please help me.  Lithuania has formally
} > declared itself independent of the Soviet Union!  The Lithuanian
} > soldiers in the army have deserted, and now Estonia, Latvia, and
} > Georgia want to secede too!  What can I do?
} >
} >                             With deepest sincerity,
} >                             Mikhail Gorbachev.
}
} And in response, thus spake the Oracle:
}
} } You have to realize that the history of the Soviet Union is a
} } violent one, filled with crushed uprisings, the silencing of
} } individual opinion, and the forced annexation of territory.  In 1940
} } the Baltic republics were annexed forcefully.  Of course they'll
} } want to secede!  All you can really do is let it transpire
} } peacefully.  The best (and as far as I can tell, ONLY) way this
} } could ever happen is if you send military troops into Lithuania.
} } Don't use them to crush uprisings, just secure a few public build-
} } ings and carry out exercises.  The world will take it all wrong,
} } but the troops will just be there to make sure the peace is kept.
} } Remember what happened in Armenia.  You sent troops too late, and by
} } that time, all you could reasonably do was crush the uprising.  Send
} } the troops in first this time.  And let the Soviet Union dissolve
} } gradually.  President Reagan was right; it really is an "Evil
} } Empire."  The best you can do is let it dissolve peacefully.
} }
} } Please write back.  You owe the Oracle your continued streak of
} } good luck.
}
} See what I mean?  If you have your way, you will undoubtedly let the
} planet slip into violence and chaos.
}
} You owe the Oracle a change of heart.  Learn ALL the facts about
} something before taking any drastic actions, and maybe the world
} won't think you're so stupid.


146-02    (05231 dist, 3.0 mean, offensive)
Selected-By: Steve Kinzler <kinzler@cs.indiana.edu>

The Usenet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> Oh Oracle whose morning breath smells like twenty-dollar-a-bottle
> perfume, I recently inherited an original Norman Rockwell painting
> which depicts a paperboy performing fellatio on a policeman.  Is this
> painting in any way rare or valuable?  Where can I obtain others like
> it?
>
> Humbly and with infinite devotion I await your answer, but don't feel
> pressured.

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} That's $2 a can FDS.
}
} The picture you describe is indeed rare.  To understand its value
} you must know the true history of "Norman Rockwell".  But beware...
} this information is a closely guarded secret and could get you
} into Real (tm) Trouble!
}
} A few years back there lived a slimy degenerate named Norman Rockwell.
} He was into all sorts of kinky perversion of the types frowned upon
} by most civilizations.  At the zenith of his career, he had thousands
} of brain dead followers who would do anything demanded by their
} beloved Nambla.  The nickname given Rockwell was later applied to
} the NAtional Man Boy Love Association which Rockwell founded.
} This organization advocates sex between grown men and young boys,
} often swapping pictures and tapes of their very children for the
} prurient interests of fellow "members".
}
} Over the course of his lifetime, Rockwell painted hundreds of these
} pedophile porn pieces, using actual NAMBLA photos as models.
} Eventually Rockwell was captured by a mob of angry parents while
} using the alias "Kinko the Kid Loving Clown" to entrap nubile young
} boys into his sordid game.
}
} The parents doused him with gasoline and set him on fire in his
} sleazy hideout in an old abandoned warehouse in Springwood.  As
} the flames had their way with him, he vowed revenge.
}
} The parents then rounded up all the pedi-porn they could find and
} fed it also to the inferno.  Then to cleanse the world of the
} atrocities wrought by Rockwell they began to mass produce those
} cutesy pictures normally associated with Norman Rockwell.  By
} flooding the country with these harmless little paintings they
} hoped to replace his lecherous legacy with one of good.
}
} The plan has generally succeeded.  Every grandmother in the USA
} has several of these bogus Rockwells depicting, say, a boy throwing
} a stick for a dog to chase or two little kids looking at their
} reflection in a pond.  Unfortunately, these are just as likely
} to induce vomiting as the original artwork.
}
} Lately, there have been reports of original Rockwells such as the
} one you have surfacing.  As the reports grow more frequent, many
} believe Rockwell has returned to inflict his revenge.
}
} The Oracle suggests you keep your hands off of that little boy
} who came to your door selling boy scout candy.


146-03    (02423 dist, 3.5 mean, offensive)
Selected-By: Steve Kinzler <kinzler@cs.indiana.edu>

The Usenet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> Why am I so confused whenever I see my girlfriend's tail?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} Boy, does that question ever bring back memories! Throughout history,
} this has been one of the most frequently asked questions. I hope
} you'll allow me a slight trip down memory lane...
} ----------------------------------------------------------------------
} The Usenet Oracle has pondered your question deeply.
} Your question was:
}
} > Why am I so confused whenever I see my girlfriend's tail?
}
} And in response, thus spake the Oracle:
}
} } You are confused becuase it is prehensile, and therefore she can
} } pick more fruit than you. Don't worry, it's normal for a male monkey
} } to feel envious of a better-performing spouse...
}
} ----------------------------------------------------------------------
} The Usenet Oracle has pondered your question deeply.
} Your question was:
}
} > Why am I so confused whenever I see my girlfriend's tail?
}
} And in response, thus spake the Oracle:
}
} } Beats me. When you married Ms. Boleyn, you knew she had six fingers
} } and three breasts. You shouldn't be surprised to find she had four
} } buttocks!
} ----------------------------------------------------------------------
} The Usenet Oracle has pondered your question deeply.
} Your question was:
}
} > Why am I so confused whenever I see my girlfriend's tail?
}
} And in response, thus spake the Oracle:
}
} } Because it's not a tail, it's a penis! You're dating guys, Mr.
} } Wilde, admit it!
} ----------------------------------------------------------------------
} The Usenet Oracle has pondered your question deeply.
} Your question was:
}
} > Why am I so confused whenever I see my girlfriend's tail?
}
} And in response, thus spake the Oracle:
}
} } Because the psychedelic tattoo on her bottom is slowly reprogramming
} } your brain. If you don't knock it off, you're going to feel like
} } stopping this summer of love shit and getting a job on Wall Street.
}
} [Sniff!] Those were great times! Oh, say, I should answer *your*
} question!
}
} It's really simple. You see, your girlfriend lives next to a toxic
} waste dump and has slowly mutated over the years so that she now farts
} radon. It's colorless, odorless, and it's reducing your IQ every time
} you give her oral sex.
}
} You owe the Oracle a piece of tail.


146-04    (34310 dist, 2.2 mean, offensive)
Selected-By: Steve Kinzler <kinzler@cs.indiana.edu>

The Usenet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> Oh great and dripping Oracle, whose forearm I am not worthy to wash,
> please answer my horny question:
>   Which guru is the best lover?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} The one on the mountain comes in fountains,
} The one in the valley loves to dally,
} The one with the crucifix licks and licks,
} The one with the Talmud is good with a pud,
} The one that is Hindu will spend ten weeks in you,
} The Prophets of Allah wildly hallah,
} The ones that are pagan go again & again,
} Shirley Maclain's is into pain,
} George Harrison's can be embarrasin',
} And as for the others, ask your mothers.
} But by far the best guru for both the sexes,
} Who satisfies Johnny and Sue and Alexis,
} Whose schlong penetrates to the solar plexus,
} Whose tits and whose ass are expansive as Texas,
} Whose ravenous love-bites practically wrecks us,
} Is, of course, the Oracle.


146-05    (41321 dist, 2.5 mean, offensive)
Selected-By: Steve Kinzler <kinzler@cs.indiana.edu>

The Usenet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> Oh great Oracle, whose little finger I am not worthy to kiss, please
> answer my query:  How can I get my controversial hydroelectric plant in
> Brooklyn to come on line?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} Hmmm, now THAT'S an interesting question.  'to come on line...', hmmm.
} I thought I'd heard everything, but you humans come up with another one
} on me.  Making it with public utilities!  Is that kinky, or ?  I've done
} it with every intelligent species in the known universe (and some
} unintelligent ones, too!).  Well, I guess I can load a simulation and
} see what happens!
}
} cd /usr/simms/earth/human/inanim.obj
}
} Load simulation:
}
} loading: Kinky human: loading...done
} loading: Hydroelectric plant:loading...done
} loading: water: loading...done
} loading: /location/shithole/brooklyn: loading...done
} loading: remote orgasm: loading...done    #you said come on line, right?
} loading: dooby: loading...done...loaded   #I'll need this for this
}                                            question!
}
} <START SIMULATION>
}
} Human: Hey baby, what's a nice generator like you doing in a town like
}        this?
}
} Plant: Come on big boy, let's cut through the crap! You know what I
}        want, I know what you want.
}
} H:     Yo, I like that, a power plant that knows what she wants! Come
}        on baby, get those turbine grinding and come to daddy!
}
} P:     yeah, suck on my capacitors, yah, that's the  way, yeah!!
}
} H:     Yo, babe, you got the hottest set of resistors on the east side!
}
} P:     So I've been told!! no, don't stop, yah that's the way! No use
}        the 220 on me, yeah, deeper, yeah, Yeah, OH YEAH!!!OOOHHHHHH!!!
}
}
} Power goes down on the entire eastern seaboard from Maine to North
} Carolina.  Every electrical fixture in New York City explodes due to a
} power surge from 110v to 35,721v for 10 or 15 seconds.  Fires gut the
} city of New york and are still raging uncontrolably in New Jersey (but
} who cares, it's Jersey).
}
} <END SIMULATION>
}
} Does that answer your question, oh unworthy finger kisser???  If you
} indeed make this alleged powerplant come (on line or in person) you will
} wreak havok and destruction unheard of since the Dodger's betrayed
} Brooklyn!
}
} You owe the Oracle a grounded condom.


146-06    (11423 dist, 3.5 mean, offensive)
Selected-By: Steve Kinzler <kinzler@cs.indiana.edu>

The Usenet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> Oh Gracious and responsive Oracle most Wise, whose harlot I am too lowly
> to kiss, answer my query:
>   Why can't I get a date with Lisa?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} Let's see... [flip-flip-flip]
} You doofus! You haven't filled out the form! Lisa's a very busy girl;
} you can't get a date with her unless you fill out a form LSA69. Since
} I'm in a *very* generous mood today, I'll send you a copy.
} *********************************************************************
}
} FORM LSA69           Request for date with Lisa
}
} Name____________________________________________  SSN#____________
} Street Address__________________________________
} City____________State_________Zip_______________
}
} What type of date are you requesting?     Yearly Salary $___________
} [A] Friendly dinner and conversation ( )    (Enclose copies of most
} [B] Dinner followed by making out    ( )     recent W-2 forms)
} [C] Hours of non-stop sweaty sex     ( )
}
} Height ____' ___''  Weight ______lbs. Age_______
} Hair color_________ Eye color________ Tongue color________
}
} Do you have any of the following?
} Bad breath         ( )  Zits        ( )  Weird walk        ( )
} An annoying accent ( )  Yukky Teeth ( )  Dirty Fingernails ( )
}    (Enclose pictures of front and profile)
}
} When was the last time you bought
}   New clothes?   ____________
}   New shoes?     ____________
}   New underwear? ____________
}
} Which of the following celebrities do you most resemble?
}   Robert Redford    ( )   Sam Kinison       ( )
}   Paul Newman       ( )   Gilbert Gottfried ( )
}   Paul McCartney    ( )   Pee Wee Herman    ( )
}   Willie Nelson     ( )   Manuel Noriega    ( )
}
} What's your idea of a good time?
}    Going out to a nice restaurant           ( )
}    Going to a movie                         ( )
}    Pigging out on Ho-Ho's                   ( )
}    Trying on different colored underpants   ( )
}    Cross-dressing                           ( )
}    Streaking through a Shriner's convention ( )
}    Cooking roaches in a microwave           ( )
}    Stomping on worms                        ( )
}    Jerking off to polkas                    ( )
}    Other __________________________________ ( )
}
} Why do you want to go out with Lisa?
}    You want a meaningful relationship with her            ( )
}    You think she's the most attractive woman in existance ( )
}    You want an idea of what she looks like naked          ( )
}    You want to smell her feet                             ( )
}    Wanna fuck her! Wanna fuck her real bad!               ( )
}    Other_________________________________________________ ( )
}
} If you were granted a date with Lisa what would you do?
}    Treat her like the lady she is                             ( )
}    Show her the wildest time she's ever had                   ( )
}    Constantly ogle her tits                                   ( )
}    Drop change on the floor as an excuse to look up her dress ( )
}    Jerk off over the acceptance letter                        ( )
}    Other_____________________________________________________ ( )
}
} If you are requesting date type [C], continue, otherwise skip to final
} instructions.
}
} When was your most recent physical?______________________
}    (Enclose medical records)
} Blood pressure___________________________________________
} Are you allergic to any of the following?
}    Pubic hair ( )   Vaginal juices ( )  Female pheremones ( )
} How long is your penis? Erect   _____''
}                         Flaccid _____''
} How many of the positions in The Joy of Sex have you tried? _____
} How often do you masturbate?_____________________________________
} What is your sperm count?________________________________________
} Do you know how to use a condom? Yes ( ) No ( )
}    If you answered No to the above, do you know what a condom is?
}    Yes ( ) No ( )
} Do you really want Lisa so bad you'll answer all these question?
}     Yes ( )     No ( )     Most Likely ( )
}
} FINAL INSTRUCTIONS
} Have at least two of your ex-girlfriends fill out form LSA01.
} Put the finished forms LSA69 and LSA01 in an envelope with the
} necessary records and photographs and send to:
}
} One Chance In Hell
} 267 Oracle Way
} Oracle City, Fifth Alternate Plane of Reality  00000+3.14i
}
} I certify that the above information is correct on penalty of being
} struck with a meteor.
} Signature___________________________________________Date___________
}
} *******************************************************************
}
} FORM LSA01         Reference for Date with Lisa
}       (To be filled out by ex-girlfriends of requestant)
}
} Name____________________________________________  SSN#____________
} Street Address__________________________________
} City____________State_________Zip_______________
}
} How long did you date the requestant?___________
}
} What was a typical date for you?
}    Good times and conversation   ( )
}    Making out                    ( )
}    Making out, followed by sex   ( )
}    Arguing, followed by sex      ( )
}    Drink, puke, followed by sex  ( )
}    Watching "Wheel of Fortune",
}                  followed by sex ( )
}    Watching "Wheel of Fortune"   ( )
}
} If you had a sexual realationship with the requestant, answer the
} following two questions.
}
} How was he with foreplay:
}   Ooh, baby!       ( )
}   Real good        ( )
}   Okay             ( )
}   What's foreplay? ( )
}
} Average number of orgasms achieved:
}   >10               ( )
}   5-10              ( )
}   2-4               ( )
}   1                 ( )
}   What's an orgasm? ( )
}
} If he showed up tomorrow, and you just happened to have a hedge
} clipper in your hand, what would you do?_______________________
} _______________________________________________________________
}
} Signature____________________________________Date______________
} ***************************************************************
} There you are! Good luck! Although, as the Oracle, I know what you
} look like and, believe me, you don't have a chance. If you're really
} hooked on the idea of net feminine goddesses, I think I could hook you
} up either with Edith, the net.wallflower.goddess or Griswalda, the
} net.humungous.goddess.
}
} You owe the Oracle a life.


146-07    (03260 dist, 3.3 mean, offensive)
Selected-By: Steve Kinzler <kinzler@cs.indiana.edu>

The Usenet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> Oh Well-Hung Oracle, whose tongue I am not worthy to worship, grant me
> this morsel of your wisdom:
>   What is the proper form of address for an ex-president who
>   is attempting to bugger one's wife?  (Just a matter of idle curiosity,
> as I am not married.)

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} "Mr. Perversident."


146-08    (15410 dist, 2.5 mean, offensive)
Selected-By: Steve Kinzler <kinzler@cs.indiana.edu>

The Usenet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> This morning I woke up with a slight hangover from a wild party I
> attended last night.  At this party there was this great girl.  So was
> everything a man looks for in a girl (sexy, smart, sexy).  Now the
> problem, Due to my slightly intoxicated state, I can't remember what she
> looked like or who she was.  Oracle, I HAVE to get ahold of her again.
> My future depends on this.  Since You are all-seeing, all-knowing, and
> all that other good shit, What do I need to do to find this girl?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} Procure 7 litres of 2-molar hydrocyanic acid.  Place it beneath the
} statue of St.  Nicholas of the Dromedary, in Forpincourt Yard.  Wait
} until the statue crumbles.  She will show up at the celebration
} following this happy event.  You will recognize her by her trowel-shaped
} earrings made of solid gold.  She will break her engagement with George
} Regnery.  You will completely forget your youthful promise to
} whatshername.  You will be married.  You will have eleven children in
} four years.  You will make a fortune in marshmellow futures.  She will
} make another fortune in genetically-engineered beetles.  Your children
} will all go to Harvard.  You will be elected to high public office.  You
} will have an unblemished career, with one exception -- you will perform
} certain favors for the Oracle who got you started on all this.  Then you
} will retire to Florida, and have a long and emotionally unsettling
} affair with a 10-year-old nun, which she will not find out about.  That
} "she" was your wife; the nun will realise what's going on about 3/4 of
} the way through.  The zombie Martian slave takers will capture your nun,
} along with about 90% of the rest of Florida; you and your wife will be
} left behind, as both of you are too heterosexual and religious.  Then
} other things will happen, but we'll get to that later.


146-09    (01262 dist, 3.8 mean, offensive)
Selected-By: Steve Kinzler <kinzler@cs.indiana.edu>

The Usenet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> Oh Well-Hung and ribald Oracle, whose muscle I am not worthy to baste,
> whose fossil I am not worthy to grovel at, answer my regulatory query:
>   What are the rules governing Motorola's use of Lisa in their
>   advertising, and how carefully are said rules being followed?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} Congratulations, mortal! Your question was chosen at random for the
} Oracular University 1990 Final Exam! Here are some of the responses!
}                 --------------------------------
} how is lisa used in komershals? thats an ezy one! ill just talk with
} god!
}
} %male god
} hi god! "hi orakle" hey god mabe you kuld anser a kwestion for me? "ok
} orakle!" how is Lisa used in motorolola komershals? "thats ezy they
} have lots of sex with her" thanks god!
}
} you o the orakle lots of money ha ha!
}                 --------------------------------
} Well, it's quite simple. You see, fuck shit shit fuck damn screw lay
} breasts obscenity genitalia! Then blow shit fuck damn screw screw it
} fucking shit.
}
} You owe the Oracle a fucking fuck.
}                 --------------------------------
} Gee, I don't think I'll answer this one. It's too dumb.
}
} >message kinzler!iuvax
} >You have to answer it, Oracle. It's your job!
}
} OH! A message from the great and all-powerful Stephen Kinzler, that
} incredible genius who created me and who just happens to be grading
} this paper! Anything you say, most intelligent and charming one!
}
} Actually there are no rules regarding Lisa and Motorola, as Motorola
} would much rather promote its product with the handsome visage of
} Stephen Kinzler!
}
} You owe the Oracle an A.
}                 --------------------------------
} Let's rap!
}
} Motorola! Shit n' shinola!
} Fizzy and sweet like Coca-Cola!
} Motorola's got himself a pieca
} That wild and wonderful gal named Lisa!
} No more shit 'bout microchips!
} Motorola's starin' at Lisa's hips!
} Lisa's fine, she's really got plenty,
} The girl moves faster than a 68020!
} Lisa's so sweet from her head to her toes,
} From her round, firm breasts to her little nose!
} From her long blonde hair all streaked with orange,
} To the...uh...to...er...shit. And I was going so well!
}
} You owe the Oracle a rap about quantum physics.
}                 --------------------------------
} [In case you're interested, one student did get the right answer. This
} is it.]
}
} There are several rules, most of which are very boring. Only one is
} very important and it is:
}
} "Lisa and silicon shall not be mentioned in the same sentence."
}
} Are the rules being adhered to? I think so. Let us look at their
} latest ad:
}
} [Scene: Lisa wearing nothing but three microchips. She poses and pouts
} as the announcer talks about how swell Motorola's new 68050 is.]
}
} Lisa: Oooh! It Hz so good!
}
} Unfortunately the ad is killing their sales because, let's face it,
} next to Lisa, any product looks awful.
}
} You owe the Oracle a bag of Sour Cream and Onion 6800's


146-10    (23330 dist, 2.6 mean, offensive)
Selected-By: Steve Kinzler <kinzler@cs.indiana.edu>

The Usenet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> What world leaders smell the best?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} Well, all the dead ones smell pretty bad now, but they varied a lot
} when they were alive.  Probably the best-smelling one today is the
} Prime Minister of the U. K., Margaret Thatcher, despite what her
} political opponents say.  Gorbachev smells of vodka and expensive
} wool suits, but with some subtle sweaty overtones.  President Bush
} smells pretty good for an oldish man; Reagan, during his Presidency,
} tended to fart a bit much.  Canadian Prime Ministers have historically
} smelled pretty good.  Going back a bit, Hitler owed a lot of his rise
} to power to smelling pretty good even in lederhosen.  De Gaulle smelled
} great, apart from the garlic.  Nehru smelled pleasant.
}
} Really there's no correlation between smelling good and and admirable
} qualities.  Franco smelled atrocious, but for a fascist he was rather
} a good man (what with saving all those Jews from Hitler and Mussolini,
} for example.  Speaking of Jews, Israeli Prime Ministers don't smell
} half bad).


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