} Oh, Mr. Helms... you are more pathetic than the newspapers give you
} credit for. I'm morally bankrupt, am I? You, sir, are mentally
} bankrupt! You don't care about the Lord and his word of love, you
} just want to get and maintain political power using any means
} possible. You pick Christianity, since most people believe it and
} few people will question it. That way, you will be able to get away
} with almost anything. You truly are a worm.
} This is just like the furor over Mapplethorpe's art. You could have
} looked at it, have been disgusted, and tried to get its funding
} revoked because it was stupid and disgusting. But noooooo. You
} have to go out of your way to find RELIGIOUS meaning! And
} homosexual meanings! Well, Mr. Helms, last time I checked, there
} was no law against homosexuality. If you had said nothing,
} Mapplethorpe's work would have faded away into obscurity under its
} own vice. But you had to make a big deal about it and raise
} hackles. Now the public can't get enough of it. Guess what? Your
} tactics backfired 180 degrees! Do you really have such little
} foresight that you couldn't see this obvious chain of events? You
} really do need the Oracle. Before you ruin me, try asking me some
} sensible questions. Maybe you could straighten out your life a bit.
} Now on to your charge against me. I am morally bankrupt? Let's
} look at context here. That's right! Context! Do you even know
} what the word means? I doubt it. How many of the women trying to
} enter the blockaded abortion clinics are going there because they
} were raped? You don't even know! You just want to raise hackles in
} the name of the Lord. You don't know the first thing about God's
} love. That's a worse blasphemy than openly worshiping Satan.
} Now on to context and how it affects your charge against the Oracle.
} The last posting, you say. Did you notice that the last posting was
} sent to rec.humor? That's right! The Oracularities are meant to be
} HUMOROUS! That's no excuse for moral bankruptcy, but if you think
} about it (cough! cough! what a stench of burning dust!) you'll
} realize that any of my musings that are straight-thinking, correct,
} serious, and morally correct WON'T GET POSTED TO A HUMOR NEWSGROUP!
} I suppose you could care less that I've kept this world from
} exploding numerous times. Take a look at a recent answer I
} The Usenet Oracle has pondered your question deeply.
} Your question was:
} > Oh wondrous Oracle, please help me. Lithuania has formally
} > declared itself independent of the Soviet Union! The Lithuanian
} > soldiers in the army have deserted, and now Estonia, Latvia, and
} > Georgia want to secede too! What can I do?
} > With deepest sincerity,
} > Mikhail Gorbachev.
} And in response, thus spake the Oracle:
} } You have to realize that the history of the Soviet Union is a
} } violent one, filled with crushed uprisings, the silencing of
} } individual opinion, and the forced annexation of territory. In 1940
} } the Baltic republics were annexed forcefully. Of course they'll
} } want to secede! All you can really do is let it transpire
} } peacefully. The best (and as far as I can tell, ONLY) way this
} } could ever happen is if you send military troops into Lithuania.
} } Don't use them to crush uprisings, just secure a few public build-
} } ings and carry out exercises. The world will take it all wrong,
} } but the troops will just be there to make sure the peace is kept.
} } Remember what happened in Armenia. You sent troops too late, and by
} } that time, all you could reasonably do was crush the uprising. Send
} } the troops in first this time. And let the Soviet Union dissolve
} } gradually. President Reagan was right; it really is an "Evil
} } Empire." The best you can do is let it dissolve peacefully.
} } Please write back. You owe the Oracle your continued streak of
} } good luck.
} See what I mean? If you have your way, you will undoubtedly let the
} planet slip into violence and chaos.
} You owe the Oracle a change of heart. Learn ALL the facts about
} something before taking any drastic actions, and maybe the world
} won't think you're so stupid.