} MWA-Ha-ha-haah! Too late, fool, my plans have already achieved their
} Yes, it was me who for decades distorted the data, manipulated the
} models, bribed the scientists and corrupted the politicians, while all
} the time nobody had an inkling as to my true purpose. And then, earlier
} this year, my Machiavellian plotting finally bore fruit, and the
} university paid for my trip to COP15.
} Well, c'mon, fair's fair - I'd never been to Copenhagen
} before. People are always saying nice things about the place, what with
} the Little Mermaid statue and the Tivoli Gardens and the Danes being
} very polite and speaking very good English and all. Okay, some of the
} presentations were a bit dull, but when that happened I just went out
} and amused myself by watching the police baton-charging the protesters.
} And the dinners were really excellent so, all in all, I had a great
} So now it's all over and the truth can be told. Yes, there is no
} global warming, industrial effluents are good for your health and polar
} bears prefer swimming anyway. The whole scam was orchestrated by yours
} truly so I could go on a jolly to Denmark. Of course you, Jeremy
} Clarkson, Sarah Palin, the Daily Mail and Viscount Moron - sorry,
} Monckton - you saw through my little scheme from the start.
} As to your main point, this would be the same Ray Comfort whose
} writings have been described as "a hopeless mess of long-ago-refuted
} creationist arguments, teeming with misinformation about the science of
} evolution, populated by legions of strawmen, and exhibiting what can be
} charitably described as muddled thinking", would it? As it happens, old
} Alfred Nobel did seek my advice on what his prizes should be for, and
} besides chemistry, medicine, peace, etc, I suggested there should be
} one for fruitloopery. To lighten the proceedings up a bit, see? But the
} Swedish Academy turned it down because they said it would lower the
} tone of the awards ceremony, and maybe they had a point. To be fair, I
} don't think your chum Ray would have been a front runner for the
} fruitloopery prize in any case, what with all the stiff competition out
} there. Viscount Moron - sorry, Monckton - for one.
} So, I take it you're an evolution denier as well as a climate change
} denier, eh? Do you by any chance also happen to think the Apollo moon
} landings were faked? Because you get a prize if you disbelieve all
} three, you know. Not a Nobel - it's one of those Brain Gym games.
} You owe the Oracle an open mind. It doesn't have to be yours.