} OK, Harald, lemme check out the inventory:
} The six (6) Circassian dancing girls are a total loss:
} Twenty years in a damp basement, living on canned goods and the
} occasional stray cat, would make _anyone_ look a bit frumpy. You can
} donate them to Goodwill - or, if they won't take 'em, there's a nursing
} home outside Vegas that's looking for a floor show......
} Three (3) volumes of autograph books:
} One's pretty mildewed, like you said. Pity - that one had Dr.
} Johnson, Dr. Crippen, Dr. Jekyll AND Mr. Hyde, Heidi, Hades, Howdy
} Doody, John Donne, Lorna Doone, Mike Doonesbury, Angela Lansbury, the
} Pillsbury Doughboy, Boy George, George Jetson and Jesse Jackson - some
} prime examples there!
} The others are pretty standard; and -
} O boy: you got a bogus John the Baptist. (See the smiley face over the
} "i"? Johnny _never_ signed it that way - he used a heart). Those can go
} to the library rummage sale.
} One (1) Girdle of Hippolyta:
} I think Lisa would like that; there's a party coming up at Artemis'
} place. 'Course we'd have to polish up the bronze chain mail and regild
} it, besides taking in the waist and enlarging the cup size....
} Thirteen (13) clocks from Coffin Castle (not in running condition):
} Well, as an Immortal, I'm not into Time that much. There's a museum
} in Bristol, Connecticut; they might be interested.
} One (1) box containing:
} Assorted unicorn horns (none of any good size or quality);
} gryphon claws;
} dragons' teeth;
} bundle of pegasus feathers...
} Well, I _could_ use some new quills for the Scriptorium; and the rest
} can be made into jewelry for the Gift Shop.
} One (1) Edison Home Pornograph:
} Hey! I remember those - I'll take it, for the sentimental value.....
} Seven (7) caskets, containing:
} Diamonds, rubies, emeralds, assorted gold and mithril.....
} I'll just bring those to the Mineral Recycling Center - it's on my way,
} One (1) vial, containing........
} What's this?
} "Bill Gates' Immortal Soul"?!!
} Lemme tell you, Harald, Lucifer's gonna be _pretty_damn_ steamed_ when
} he finds out THIS went missing..... Oh, the things I could do with
} Thanks a bunch! I'll just teleport this stuff out - (*VWORP*)
} Oh, and - there's a first edition of van Helsing's "Practical
} Demonology" on that shelf right there: you better keep that....
} You'll need it.