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} The current system already works the way you want. The Motion
} Picture Association of America, Inc. (tm) provides film ratings
}
} http://www.mpaa.org/ratings/what-each-rating-means
}
} that can be used either positively or negatively. While the
} MPAA "negative" definitions are most commonly cited, here are
} the alternative positive definitions based on the above web page
} and using the metrics ("wad" etc) you suggested:
}
} G - Growing/Geriatric Audiences. "No One Between 10 and 55
} Admitted." A G rated motion picture is one that, in the view of
} the Rating Board, most parents would consider highly uplifting,
} and their young children must be sent to view it on their own
} while the parents go watch something else. Possibly Nana, or
} even Papa Charlie, will wish to attend with their precious
} little angel. G does not mean "lame" or "diabetes inducing"
} in the common or legal meaning of those words, and should not
} be construed as a negative judgment in any sense. The rating
} simply signals that the content is appropriate only for a very
} young audience, or for walking corpses over the age of 55 who
} have presumably regressed to a childlike mind. A G rating can
} be based on a whole lot of good words, highly conventional
} behavior, favorable references to local or national government,
} waving the flag or saving it from terrorists, eating your
} vegetables, staying in line when coming in from recess at school,
} or the presence of Eeyore or a Care Bear.
}
} PG - Parental Guidance By Children Required. "Older Children
} and Parents Require Accompanying Child or Foster Child or Sibling
} Under 10, And The Neighbor's Kid Does NOT Count." A PG-rated
} motion picture, in the view of the Rating Board, contains some
} uplifting material. A PG-rated motion picture may include a wad
} of good words (if not done to excess), pre-adolescent activity
} like coloring, saintly reaction to the threat of violence, fully
} clothed characters with maybe a brief non-gratuitous glimpse
} of collarbone, habitual chewable vitamin use, or other elements.
} Persons over 10 are not allowed to attend PG-rated motion
} pictures unaccompanied by a young enough child. Parents are
} strongly urged to find out more about PG-rated motion pictures
} in determining their suitability before viewing one themselves;
} generally, it is not appropriate for parents to attend PG-rated
} motion pictures unless they are rather young and they had to
} quit school and get a job too early and who thus wish to relive
} the ripped-away innocence of their lost childhood.
}
} PG-13 - Parents Strongly Cautioned. "Some Material May Be
} Inappropriate For Humans Over 13." A PG-13 rating is a milder
} warning to parents by the Rating Board, to determine whether
} their children over age 13 will be scarred for life by viewing
} the motion picture, as some material might not be interesting
} for them in the slightest and they will curse you for the 90
} minutes of their lives that they want back. A PG-13 motion
} picture may be less uplifting than the PG rating, in theme,
} violence, nudity, sensuality, language, adult activities or
} other elements, yet does not reach the truly interesting level
} of the R rating. For example, if you're a 15 year old boy,
} are you really going to be that impressed by the sight of some
} flirt flaunting her cleavage in a scene, or maybe five fleeting
} seconds of bare boob that lacks any overt sexual context, or
} car crashes that pale in comparison to the games you play all
} day every day on your Xbox? What about a girl of the same age,
} having to sit through a movie where you can tell from the first
} thirty seconds that the guy with all the tattoos is going to
} turn out not to be cool at all and is the one committing all
} the crimes instead of taking the heroine to parties and the
} beach and just generally chilling like in real life? I mean
} seriously? Do you even remember what it was like to be 15,
} parents??? To be fair, PG-13 probably includes at least some
} drug use, and one quick F-bomb. And even with some good words
} and mildly uplifting message like "crime does not pay" or "eat
} your peas and stay in line after recess," they are reserved
} for the very end. And you will look in vain for even a single
} Care Bear, alive or slain. Still, best to bring your 8 year old
} niece with you as cover, if you as an adult want to attend for
} some unfathomable reason.
}
} R - Restricted To Cool People. "People With A Broom Up You-
} Know-Where May Come Out Afterward All Snarky And Stuff." At most
} one usage of a good word, and/or brief inconsequential scenes
} involving moderation and self-discipline. These are the ones
} you want to go to. 'Nuff said. Oh and parents, don't fool
} yourself, your kids are watching these despite your efforts;
} they even find them uplifting, in their own special ways.
}
} NC-17 - No One Admitted. "No Chance, Period, Even If You
} Are 17." Sneak into these with your bros and prepare to be
} amazed at the complete lack of good words, human values, and
} boringness. Not recommended for your girlfriend though, unless
} she is way cooler than the last one; definitely not for date
} night with your wife.
}
} You owe the Oracle a box of popcorn.
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