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Internet Oracularities #1490

Goto:
1490, 1490-01, 1490-02, 1490-03, 1490-04, 1490-05, 1490-06, 1490-07, 1490-08, 1490-09, 1490-10


Internet Oracularities #1490    (29 votes, 3.1 mean)
Compiled-By: Steve Kinzler <kinzler@cs.indiana.edu>
Date: Mon, 24 Oct 2011 08:34:58 -0500 (EST)

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Let us know what you like!  Send your ratings of these 10 Oracularities
on an integer scale of 1 ("very bad") to 5 ("very good") with the
volume number to oracle-vote@cs.indiana.edu (probably just reply to
this message).  For example:
   1490
   2 1 3 4 3   5 3 3 4 1

1490  29 votes 7a741 38954 3a772 65774 13c94 16886 06c74 158b4 36c62 24788
1490  3.1 mean  2.4   3.0   2.8   2.9   3.4   3.4   3.3   3.4   2.9   3.6


1490-01    (7a741 dist, 2.4 mean)
Selected-By: "Tim Chew" <twchew@mindspring.com>

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> The jerk store called and they're running out of you.
>
> (just kidding. Thanks)

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} My plans for the weekend include staying in my hole until nighttime,
} then going forth to search for cheese.
}
} I've tried both the best laid plans of mice and men, and those of mice
} win hands down every time.
}
} You owe the Oracle a big bag of rice with a small hole in one corner.


1490-02    (38954 dist, 3.0 mean)
Selected-By: "Tim Chew" <twchew@mindspring.com>

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> Oh Oracle most wise,
>
> Why am I me?  Why aren't I, say, the guy who lives down the street?
> It seems like a complete accident of fate that I wasn't born of his
> mother, and he of mine.  Why does the universe go to all the trouble
> of keeping him and me separate, along with everyone else?  It gets
> kinda lonely this way, sometimes.

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} Actually, you're right, there was a mistake, and you should have been
} someone else. Just not the guy who lives down the street. So if you'll
} just allow me to initiate a matter transference beam, I'll just switch
} the two of you and .....
}
} ZAP!
}
} The supplicant looks around, he's in a tent. Peeking outside he sees
} desert, and on the horizon a number of old trucks racing towards him.
} As the trucks get closer the supplicant sees that they are heavily
} armed. Looking around, there's nowhere to run. And then it's too late,
} as the trucks drive up, and militia jump off the back. They approach
} the supplicant, looking confused. A few of them dive into the tent,
} come out looking confused, and speak in Arabic. Looking at the
} supplicant's western features, one of the men approaches the
} supplicant and points his gun in his face.
}
} "Where is he?" ... "you tell me, NOW!"
}
} Meanwhile in Pittsburgh, two middle managers are speaking.
}
} "We got the new HTML coder in on Friday?"
}
} "Really? what's he like?"
}
} Sort of a weird looking dude, but he seems to be able to do the job?"
}
} "Well, that's all that's important, but you look concerned."
}
} "Oh, it's nothing, ...., it's just that, ...."
}
} "Yes?"
}
} "It's just that, ..... he does look the spitting image ofMuammar
} Gaddafi".


1490-03    (3a772 dist, 2.8 mean)
Selected-By: "Tim Chew" <twchew@mindspring.com>

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> After stealing other people's jokes, I just learned that someone stole
> one of mine.  Should I be furious or flattered?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} Just remember the old saying: imitation is the sincerest
} form of asking for a lawsuit.
}
} You owe the Oracle the punchline to that one joke that
} starts, "a lawyer walks into a bar...".


1490-04    (65774 dist, 2.9 mean)
Selected-By: "Tim Chew" <twchew@mindspring.com>

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

>

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} OK.  Du you know how much time and effort I put into creating an
} answer for you?  It's the best answer ever!  The one that would
} receive a score of all sevens!  And now you don't even want to
} ask the question?  You ungrateful bastard!


1490-05    (13c94 dist, 3.4 mean)
Selected-By: Mark Lawrence <lawrence.4@osu.edu>

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> Scrumptious but repulsive Oracle, your inherent contradictions are the
> one true source of my happiness. Your ability to Know the Unknowable is
> legendary. I've even heard that you can screw the inscrutable and eff
> the ineffable.
>
> How are these things done?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} Ineluctably and indefatigably, of course.  And please don't try to
} eluct or defatig yourself, as it just leaves an incredible mess for
} me to cred up afterward.
}
} Would you like me to show you what I do to insufferable supplicants?
}
} You owe the Oracle something inedible for him to ed.


1490-06    (16886 dist, 3.4 mean)
Selected-By: Mark Lawrence <lawrence.4@osu.edu>

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

>

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} Dear Sir or Madam,
}
} I hereby cancel my subscription to "Accurate Astrology Quarterly."
}
} Sincerly,
} The Internet Oracle


1490-07    (06c74 dist, 3.3 mean)
Selected-By: Mark Lawrence <lawrence.4@osu.edu>

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> What is a Cherubini?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} A brimless hat with a propeller on top, worn by Italian angels
} who haven't yet earned their wings or their fashion sense.
}
} You owe the Oracle a Lamborghini.


1490-08    (158b4 dist, 3.4 mean)
Selected-By: Dave <lightinchains@gmail.com>

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> Oracle Oh Wise Most Parsable and,
>
> all Lately words my to seem coming be switched out order in.
> two Word before comes one word, cetera et.  you Can me help
> some make of sense world the, at or help least world the make to
> out sense me of?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} Just admit it!  YOU are the one who wrote Google Translate!


1490-09    (36c62 dist, 2.9 mean)
Selected-By: Mark Lawrence <lawrence.4@osu.edu>

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> How are you this fine December?
> I assume you still remember?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} Yes I do, Diddy, you were rap, rap, rapping at my chamber door.
}
} You owe Lenore this month's child support payment.


1490-10    (24788 dist, 3.6 mean)
Selected-By: Dave <lightinchains@gmail.com>

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> !rorrim a otni llef I  !pleH

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} .dniheb ruoy hctaw dnA .noitautis ruoy nopu tcelfeR .era uoy ereht
} ,yawynA .ylpitlum yehT .tuo lecnac t'nod yeht ,oN .llew sa reddal a
} rednu llaf uoy sselnu ,kcul dab 'sraey ne7es evah ll'uoy ro ,gnihtyna
} kaerb ot ton luferac eB .nebeirhcseg hcstueD fua driw sella erehw
} ,airtsuA ni rO .llew sa ndsipe pomu eb dluow uoy erehw ,ailartsuA ni eb
} dluoc uoy--ffo esrow eb dluoc uoY .ylisae daer nac uoy taht rewsna na
} uoy etirw ot si od nac I lla taht diarfa m'I


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