} FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE
} BLOOMINGTON, INDIANA, January 11, 2011 -- OracuCo Industries (tm)
} today announced the introduction of VaudeVille, available as an
} application on social-networking websites Spacebook and MyFace.
} Reportedly under development since 1989 by reclusive mastermind
} Steven Kinzler, VaudeVille brings to social media the same thrill-
} a-minute action that users of The Internet Oracle (tm) have come
} to expect under WWW and legacy Usenet technology.
} "Product good," stated company spokesman Og, "you buy now?"
} "What my colleague is trying to say," added company marketing
} director Zadoc, "is that VaudeVille lets nerds have fun too."
} "What my colleagues are trying to say," added company co-founder
} Lisa, "is that we see a virtually limitless demand for riddles,
} song parodies, jokes and comic poems in the online marketplace.
} VaudeVille lets friends share corny puns, tepid social satire,
} and generally stale humor in a safe and inclusive atmosphere.
} And part of the fun is to earn points, in the form of Fart Coins,
} as you entertain your friends with your wit. Sit down now, Zadoc.
} I'll handle the rest of this. You too, Og. Good boy, good boy."
} Fart Coins, so-dubbed because of the prevalence of fart jokes as
} the basic unit of humor on social media, may be collected a coin
} at a time and are transacted with friends, and then may be redeemed
} for prizes at local Acme Novelty Stores worldwide, Lisa explained.
} Whoopie cushions and kazoos and skee ball tokens are expected to
} be the most popular items claimed. Skee ball game players will
} in turn earn tickets that can then be claimed for prizes, such as
} whoopie cushions and kazoos and deluxe whoopie cushions.
} "We got the idea," Lisa continued, "when our intern Kendai ran
} up a debt of $50,000 in two hours of interaction on the FarmVille
} app. I have seriously no clue how he's going to pay me back for
} the loan I advanced him to cover that. Anyway we figure there
} must be a ton of people out there no smarter than him, and Orrie
} said we should try to rake in some of that dough-re-mi ourselves.
} Orrie was kind of a weird tough guy incarnation using 30's-40's
} vernacular that day, I guess. We were in luck and Kinzler had
} something lying around from his time at IU, and we decided it
} was good enough to call a Beta test version and charge for it."
} The application provides all the bells and whistles expected of
} modern social-networking gameplay, such as customizable avatars,
} intuitive menus, bells and, of course, whistles. Players invite
} each other to be audience members at their own on-line comedy
} club, and the audience bestows Fart Coins on the joke tellers
} in proportion to their amusement. You can also buy watered down
} drinks for the avatars of your audience to increase their enjoyment
} of the show, and it's a good idea to tip the waitress with an
} additional Fart Coin or two to ensure that it's only water that
} adulterates the potent potables your friends' avatars consume.
} But even if the worst happens, the demise of one's avatar is only
} a temporary issue, as new ones may be readily purchased using
} PayPal or major credit cards.
} The company co-founder provided a heartwarming example of the
} good that their new app can bring to the world. "We demoed the
} app to a college freshman named Hulga. She had never been on a
} date and was terribly terribly introverted. After half an hour,
} she had come out of her shell sufficiently to post 'I'm not sure
} I can take 67 more of those, Mister.' Now, I am happy to report,
} she is seeking treatment for a venereal disease, for both her
} avatar and herself. I'm sure that if we can have that kind of
} success with Hulga, there are thousands upon thousands more who
} will become the life of the party with the aid of VaudeVille."
} When a question was raised as to why people would pay good money
} to send jokes back and forth to each other through an app with a
} sissy Frenchified name, rather than just text them, the co-founder
} replied that there are plans to expand the offering to include
} other elements of traditional vaudeville acts, Real Soon Now.
} Pressed on how such things as acrobatics, juggling, sleight-of-
} hand magic or trained animals could be incorporated into a
} glorified texting app, she repeated, "Real. Soon. Now. Did I
} mention it's real-time? And it won Best New Social/Online Game
} of nineteen-eighty-mumble-mumble, I mean 2011, no lie."
} When asked about rumored plans to collect players' personal
} information via bogus surveys and sell it to spammers, Lisa smiled
} and replied "no comment," and exited.
} "Press conference over. You buy!" company spokesman Og stated,
} rising from his folding chair at the back of the room. "Product
} good. You owe Oracle many dollar. No accept Fart Coin."