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Internet Oracularities #1508

Goto:
1508, 1508-01, 1508-02, 1508-03, 1508-04, 1508-05, 1508-06, 1508-07, 1508-08, 1508-09, 1508-10


Internet Oracularities #1508    (25 votes, 3.2 mean)
Compiled-By: Steve Kinzler <kinzler@cs.indiana.edu>
Date: Fri, 30 Nov 2012 13:51:37 -0500 (EST)

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Let us know what you like!  Send your ratings of these 10 Oracularities
on an integer scale of 1 ("very bad") to 5 ("very good") with the
volume number to oracle-vote@cs.indiana.edu (probably just reply to
this message).  For example:
   1508
   2 1 3 4 3   5 3 3 4 1

1508  25 votes 33982 19483 24487 17674 05965 25a62 19645 05686 37681 52666
1508  3.2 mean  3.1   3.1   3.6   3.2   3.4   3.0   3.1   3.6   2.9   3.2


1508-01    (33982 dist, 3.1 mean)
Selected-By: Christophe <xof@chanticleer.com>

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> Tryng lrn to spk Srb lngdg, hvving trbl wth my vwwls. You sggsted Prep
> H. H is nt a vwwl.

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} It is, in Greek.
}
} But if vowels aren't your cup of meat, switch to a language
} like Hbrw in which you can get away without 'em.  No sense
} in wasting further time with Srb, which has letters basically
} at random anyway.
}
} You owe the Oracle a nice little tchotchke.  Yeah, I know
} that's Yiddish, not Hebrew.


1508-02    (19483 dist, 3.1 mean)
Selected-By: "Lawrence, Mark" <lawrence.4@osu.edu>

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> You might want to write that backwards; I think I'm getting dyslexic or
> something.

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} Dubya won? No way, bud.
}
} You owe the Oracle a recount.


1508-03    (24487 dist, 3.6 mean)
Selected-By: Dave <lightinchains@gmail.com>

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> A RepubliCAN, but a SuppliCAN'T?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} True.  And a whippoorWILL, but only if you ask
} nicely and provide cab fare home afterward.
}
} You owe the Oracle a bushel of avocaDOES.


1508-04    (17674 dist, 3.2 mean)
Selected-By: Christophe <xof@chanticleer.com>

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> I cheated!  I'm sorry.

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} Fine.  But you still can't have your job back at the CIA, General.
}
} You owe the Oracle an autographed copy of your biography.


1508-05    (05965 dist, 3.4 mean)
Selected-By: Dave <lightinchains@gmail.com>

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> Mo-o-o-o-om, what can I doooooo?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

}          10 Fun Activities For Kids When They Are Bored
}
} 1.  Quit bugging me, OK?
} 2.  Go find something to do.
} 3.  I don't know, watch TV or something.
} 4.  Video games can be highly addictive, try one.
} 5.  Go to a friend's house, they have video games there too.
} 6.  You've got all those books in your room, don't you?
} 7.  Well then, draw horns on all the people in your books.
} 8.  You haven't reached puberty, right?  Well, forget #8 then.
} 9.  You must have some kind of homework due.
} 10. Your dad should be home soon.
}
} You owe the Oracle an apple pie, just like Mom used to do
} for us on holidays: straight from the bakery.


1508-06    (25a62 dist, 3.0 mean)
Selected-By: Christophe <xof@chanticleer.com>

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> Norquist is Oz?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} Not in the slightest, despite comments to that
} effect by the talking heads on TV.  And, while
} he looks like a Munchkin, and sounds even more
} like one when he speaks, what he actually is,
} is the Wicked Warlock of the Beltway:
}
}    Norquist: Who defeated Mitt Romney? Who killed
}    the Warlock of the Northeast's chances? Was it
}    you?
}
}    Obama: No, no. It was a voter turnout machine.
}    I didn't mean to kill anybody's chances.
}
}    Norquist: Well, my pretty, I can manipulate
}    voter turnout, too!
}
}    [Cowardly Congresscritter edges away.]
}
}    Norquist: Abandoning your pledge so soon? I
}    wouldn't hear of it. Why, my grand old party's
}    just beginning.
}
}    Cowardly Congresscritter: I *do* believe in tax
}    relief for the wealthy, I *do* believe in tax
}    relief for the wealthy. I do, I do, I do, I
}    *do*.
}
}    Norquist: Ah! You'll believe in more than that
}    before I'm finished with you.  Ring around the
}    rosie, a pocket full of filibusters! Thought
}    you were pretty foxy, didn't you? Well! The
}    last to vote for zero percent capital gains
}    and estate taxes will be the first to lose
}    their PAC money!  And your little dog, too!
}
} I don't know why he doesn't want dogs to get
} elected, but there you go - he's just mean.
}
} You owe the Oracle a pair of ruby red veto
} stamps, and a bucket of water.


1508-07    (19645 dist, 3.1 mean)
Selected-By: Tim Chew <twchew@mindspring.com>

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> I'm scheduled to go on a trek through the low country. It's called the
> "Low Trek." As a rather short fellow I am really quite appropriate for
> this expedition.
>
> I am worried that my pants are too loose, and that I'll fall on my
> face, and the others will make fun of me because of my Too Loose Low
> Trek.
>
> Your suggestions?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} Rather than walk, you need a ride.  Vincent has a van;
} Gogh with him.
}
} You owe the Oracle a sunflower.


1508-08    (05686 dist, 3.6 mean)
Selected-By: Tim Chew <twchew@mindspring.com>

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> I've noticed something.  Lisa tends to go on a streak of appearing in
> the Digests, and then a streak of disappearing.  Does she have to
> streak like that?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} It's one of her best qualities, really.  While I agree it can be quite
} distracting, I think you'll find that if...um...oh dear...
}
} You owe the Oracle some privacy and an egret feather.  And hurry.


1508-09    (37681 dist, 2.9 mean)
Selected-By: Tim Chew <twchew@mindspring.com>

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> How can you sit there and answer questions when people are dyeing?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} Um, because the Oracle likes the colors of his eggs and hair?


1508-10    (52666 dist, 3.2 mean)
Selected-By: Tim Chew <twchew@mindspring.com>

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> Why did the crackpot leave?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} Please, that term is offensive.  We prefer to
} be referred to as "persons of marginal sanity".
}
} You owe the Oracle a bottle of Crazy^H^H^H^H^H
} Marginal Sanity Glue.


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