[IO]
Internet Oracle
25 Sep 2017 home : about : create : digests : bestofs : specials : priests 0:53:41 GMT

Internet Oracularities #1514

Goto:
1514, 1514-01, 1514-02, 1514-03, 1514-04, 1514-05, 1514-06, 1514-07, 1514-08, 1514-09, 1514-10


Internet Oracularities #1514    (28 votes, 2.9 mean)
Compiled-By: Steve Kinzler <kinzler@cs.indiana.edu>
Date: Fri, 22 Mar 2013 21:37:42 -0500 (EST)

To find out all about the Internet Oracle (TM), including how to
participate, send mail to oracle@cs.indiana.edu with the word "help"
in the subject line, or go to http://www.cs.indiana.edu/~oracle/ or
http://www.internetoracle.org/  ("Internet Oracle" is a trademark of
Stephen B Kinzler.)

Let us know what you like!  Send your ratings of these 10 Oracularities
on an integer scale of 1 ("very bad") to 5 ("very good") with the
volume number to oracle-vote@cs.indiana.edu (probably just reply to
this message).  For example:
   1514
   2 1 3 4 3   5 3 3 4 1

1514  28 votes 06c91 06787 36982 4c561 36a63 78940 57745 18883 67537 3a582
1514  2.9 mean  3.2   3.6   3.0   2.6   3.0   2.4   2.9   3.1   2.9   2.9


1514-01    (06c91 dist, 3.2 mean)
Selected-By: Ian Davis

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> Oh Oracle most wise,
>
> Many years ago when my father explained to me the Facts of Life
> (yes, "The Talk"), he ended by asking if I had any other questions.
> I asked him how they make string.  He just laughed, and I never
> did get a good answer.  How DO they make string?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} When a mommy and a daddy love each other very much, they pool their
} income, apply for a loan, and purchase a factory designed for the task.
}
} Inside the factory are eighteen workers harvesting silk from twenty-six
} thousand, three hundred and sixty-four argiope catenulata (the grass
} cross spider).
}
} These spiders are replaced by a separate breeding facility, but your
} father already explained how that works.


1514-02    (06787 dist, 3.6 mean)
Selected-By: Dave <lightinchains@gmail.com>

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> Oh Oracle most wise and PC on a PC,
>
> What is Uncle Tom's Cabinet?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} Henry Dearborn was the secretary of War.  Both Levi Lincoln
} and James Madison held the post of secretary of State.  Levi
} Lincoln served also for a time as Attorney General, as did
} John Breckinridge and Caesar Rodney.  Samuel Dexter and Albert
} Gallatin were secretaries of the Treasury.  I could go on but
} I won't, since at that time there were only four such offices
} in total.
}
} All these facts would likely be lost in the mists of time had
} not Peter Carr, nephew to Thomas Jefferson, written his perky
} best-seller of 1810, Uncle Tom's Cabinet, in which he revealed
} that lovely first lady Sally Hemings convinced these secretaries
} to write up an early draft of the Emancipation Proclamation, and
} then go make coffee for her and the President.  Since the IBM
} Selectric typewriter was not invented until 1961, nor Mister
} Coffee until a decade later, it is unclear how these secretaries
} filled their time most other days, and there can be no surprise
} that they died mainly of boredom rather than from consumption,
} syphilis, bloodletting, or theater assassination, as most of
} their contemporaries were wont to do.
}
} Other tidbits gleaned from this novel are that Jefferson never
} named an Assistant Associate Undersecretary for Veterans Affairs,
} for reasons that may have made sense at the time but seem quaint
} today in light of the crucial nature of the post, and he had no
} secretary of the Air Force, probably due to some asinine Senate
} filibuster in retaliation for Jefferson bombing the Hindenberg
} at Pearl Harbor his first week in office.
}
} Finally, let it never be forgotten that Benjamin Franklin was
} the only President of the United States never to be President
} of the United States.  This has nothing to do with Thomas
} Jefferson or his nephew, but I was listening to a Firesign
} Theater album last night and this fact came to mind.
}
} You owe the Oracle a nomination for secretary of Peace.


1514-03    (36982 dist, 3.0 mean)
Selected-By: "Klone (aka Daniel V. Klein) " <dvk@lonewolf.com>

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> Oh Oracle most wise,
>
> F U \{can\} \{read\} Ths U \{Mst\} \{use\} TeX

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} * No. Here's why.
} ** I use org mode in emacs.
} ** Org mode can export into LaTeX.
}
} * You owe the Oracle
} ** An implementation of emacs on his ancient pearl-inlaid Chinese abacus
} ** An implementation of perl on the same device (naturally).
} ** A photo of Costello as he throws the ball to Naturally.


1514-04    (4c561 dist, 2.6 mean)
Selected-By: "Lawrence, Mark" <lawrence.4@osu.edu>

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> Oh Oracle most wise,
>
> Is cocaine all that it is cracked up to be?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} You wouldn't happen to be the one who does crank calls to me about
} meth, are you?


1514-05    (36a63 dist, 3.0 mean)
Selected-By: "Lawrence, Mark" <lawrence.4@osu.edu>

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> Orrie, with all due respect, you need incarnations with more
> imagination.

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} No, no, no. What I need is supplicants with lower expectations, and
} with questions that can be answered by a simple, Yes, No, or How Should
} I Know. Much of my transcription work gets farmed out to illiterate
} geeks with no knowledge of writing human languages at all. Some of them
} even have trouble with the concept, "Duhhh." They code well in python,
} though.
}
} The answer to your next question, which you now owe the Oracle, is
} Duhhh.


1514-06    (78940 dist, 2.4 mean)
Selected-By: Christophe <xof@chanticleer.com>

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> Are you in or out?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} I'm out and loooving iiiiiit!!!


1514-07    (57745 dist, 2.9 mean)
Selected-By: Christophe <xof@chanticleer.com>

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> The enemy of my enemy is _____.

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} Carl.


1514-08    (18883 dist, 3.1 mean)
Selected-By: Ian Davis

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> Why is this a "gateway"?  Why not a "doorway" or an "archway"?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} The concept of a "gate" covers more territory. Think of floodgates, or
} of the Pearly Gates of Heaven and the Fiery Gates of Hell, or of the
} Unavoidable Gates of Microsoft.


1514-09    (67537 dist, 2.9 mean)
Selected-By: "Lawrence, Mark" <lawrence.4@osu.edu>

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> "You are young," said the Oracle, to immature William,
> "And your beard has not yet become long;
> And yet you quite frequently trim your Brazilian,
> Don't you think, at your age, it is wrong?"

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} "I sure am young," Will answered to Orrie,
} "And I spend time on Facebook befriending.
} And I'd rather go now, so as for this story,
} Is it possible we're now at the ending?"


1514-10    (3a582 dist, 2.9 mean)
Selected-By: Dave <lightinchains@gmail.com>

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> Of course I didn't ask a question; don't change the subject.

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} Mr. Trebek, why do you put yourself in such Jeopardy?


© Copyright 1989-2017 The Internet OracleTM a Kinzler.com offering Contact oracle-web@internetoracle.org