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Internet Oracularities #1523

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1523, 1523-01, 1523-02, 1523-03, 1523-04, 1523-05, 1523-06, 1523-07, 1523-08, 1523-09, 1523-10


Internet Oracularities #1523    (19 votes, 2.9 mean)
Compiled-By: Steve Kinzler <kinzler@cs.indiana.edu>
Date: Sat, 16 Nov 2013 16:10:01 -0500 (EST)

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Let us know what you like!  Send your ratings of these 10 Oracularities
on an integer scale of 1 ("very bad") to 5 ("very good") with the
volume number to oracle-vote@cs.indiana.edu (probably just reply to
this message).  For example:
   1523
   2 1 3 4 3   5 3 3 4 1

1523  19 votes 32662 35542 87211 34552 a5103 05563 24463 16462 26722 05464
1523  2.9 mean  3.1   2.8   1.9   2.9   2.0   3.4   3.2   3.1   2.8   3.5


1523-01    (32662 dist, 3.1 mean)
Selected-By: Tim Chew <twchew@mindspring.com>

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> What do you say to someone whose stalking you?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} "Wanna come in?" Oh wait, I thought the question was, "What's the last
} thing you'll say to someone stalking you."


1523-02    (35542 dist, 2.8 mean)
Selected-By: Christophe <xof@chanticleer.com>

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> Oh dear.  I'm sorry for breaking your, um, whatever it was.

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} My bad. Maybe we should make a TV show out of it.


1523-03    (87211 dist, 1.9 mean)
Selected-By: Tim Chew <twchew@mindspring.com>

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> The Riddle Troll never gives up! (Even though he should have by
> now, and cannot succeed in the end, anyway.)

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} Hint?


1523-04    (34552 dist, 2.9 mean)
Selected-By: Rich McGee <rmcgee@csusb.edu>

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> Order!  I need order!

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} OK.
} I'm ordering scallops, New York strip and Tirimasu.


1523-05    (a5103 dist, 2.0 mean)
Selected-By: Ian Davis

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> Does anyone really like those riddles?  I've had no real evidence so
> far.

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} Hint:


1523-06    (05563 dist, 3.4 mean)
Selected-By: Dave <lightinchains@gmail.com>

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

>

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} You are completely misunderstanding what empty threats are all about.


1523-07    (24463 dist, 3.2 mean)
Selected-By: "Lawrence, Mark" <lawrence.4@osu.edu>

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> I wasn't expecting that!

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} SPAM, SPAM, SPAM, SPAM,
} SPAM, SPAM, SPAM, SPAM,
} SPAM, SPAM, SPAM, SPAM,
} SPAM, SPAM, SPAM, SPAM.
}
} No one expects the spammish repetition.


1523-08    (16462 dist, 3.1 mean)
Selected-By: "Lawrence, Mark" <lawrence.4@osu.edu>

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> Care to fill me in on the details?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} Glad you asked. This project has a seven pillars, each composed of
} twenty-three layers, with two year Gantt charts showing dependencies
} within each layer. There are two main problems you need to fix here.
} Firstly, all of the intra-layer and intra-pillar dependencies have
} not been accounted for in the current Gantt charts. Secondly two
} years is far too long for this project. It's supposed to be done
} already and the drop dead (ha ha ha) date is about a month away, so
} you'll need to find a way to trim the schedule without removing any
} features. You'll find all of the project files in a box headed your
} way. You do have a place for the 45' high cube shipping container,
} right? I'll let you keep it on the trailer for now.
}
} I'm so pleased you volunteered to help with "any website problems"
} that came my way. The American People are eagerly awaiting this new
} health care web portal.


1523-09    (26722 dist, 2.8 mean)
Selected-By: Christophe <xof@chanticleer.com>

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> Who, me?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} No, not this time. There has been a system error, and the application
} will have to close. Any work that you have not saved will be lost. A
} new instantiation of your person will be required. Press STOP to start.


1523-10    (05464 dist, 3.5 mean)
Selected-By: Rich McGee <rmcgee@csusb.edu>

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> Is it true that some of the best incarnations are mentally ill, but in a
> good way?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} The best ones do as they are told, and neither avoid the task nor
} invent material that makes me look stupid. As you guessed, all
} incarnations are mental. Some are certifiably mental, and thus have an
} inside track on picking up the subtle nuances in my tone of voice when
} I dictate material to them.
}
} If you ever get the opportunity to serve as an incarnation yourself,
} look on your wall to see if you have a certificate of certification.
} (Sometimes it will resemble a photograph of your grandfather.) Gaze at
} it, mumble to yourself, and avoid typing the dreaded phrase, "How
} Should I Know?" that indicates abysmal failure in the Incarnation Game.
} Seek opportunities to display your correct rendition of my thoughts
} concerning the usual topics, including bagpipes, Milton Berle, Zadoc,
} pigeons (including Tom Lehrer), and anything having to do with MAD
} Magazine. Other unexpected "usual" topics will spout from my mind
} occasionally. Oh, and always (as in ALWAYS) beware thoughts that might
} seep in from my dreaded cousin the Boracle.


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