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Internet Oracularities #1530

Goto:
1530, 1530-01, 1530-02, 1530-03, 1530-04, 1530-05, 1530-06, 1530-07, 1530-08, 1530-09, 1530-10


Internet Oracularities #1530    (16 votes, 3.1 mean)
Compiled-By: Steve Kinzler <kinzler@cs.indiana.edu>
Date: Sun, 16 Mar 2014 17:39:44 -0500 (EST)

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Let us know what you like!  Send your ratings of these 10 Oracularities
on an integer scale of 1 ("very bad") to 5 ("very good") with the
volume number to oracle-vote@cs.indiana.edu (probably just reply to
this message).  For example:
   1530
   2 1 3 4 3   5 3 3 4 1

1530  16 votes 22831 13570 84121 02455 15451 10744 17503 05722 03562 23245
1530  3.1 mean  2.9   3.1   2.0   3.8   3.0   3.6   2.8   3.1   3.4   3.4


1530-01    (22831 dist, 2.9 mean)
Selected-By: "Lawrence, Mark" <lawrence.4@osu.edu>

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> I was debating someone earlier and wondered: Why do some people feel
> they need to cuss when they debate?  It doesn't strengthen a person's
> arguments any.

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} I think you are just hanging out at the wrong sort of
} debate society. The name "Master Debaters Come First"
} should have been your first clue. The debate you
} participated in ("Resolved: Mewling quims are hungry
} cats") was supposed to be a rollicking (and randy) send
} up of typical debate topics. That you didn't get this
} led your opponent to drop some colorful hints.
}
} You owe the Oracle a fully equipped f-bomb shelter.


1530-02    (13570 dist, 3.1 mean)
Selected-By: Christophe <xof@chanticleer.com>

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> Hi!  Sorry I'm late.

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} Burial chamber for the Late Supplicant is 19th door on the right.
} Please be quiet, and be careful opening the chamber door. It squeaks
} horridly.


1530-03    (84121 dist, 2.0 mean)
Selected-By: Christophe <xof@chanticleer.com>

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> We are the Borg. Lower your shields and surrender your computers. We
> will add your biological and technological distinctiveness to our own.
> Your culture will adapt to service us. Resistance is futile.

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} You like to fantasize about being powerful, asshole. But in reality
} those of us who are marginalized and oppressed by you assholes are
} truly powerful. We speak truth to power. We will triumph over you
} dictatorial shit heads in the end.


1530-04    (02455 dist, 3.8 mean)
Selected-By: Ian Davis

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> That's the problem with absolute statements

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} But aren't they better than rhetorical questions?


1530-05    (15451 dist, 3.0 mean)
Selected-By: Christophe <xof@chanticleer.com>

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> while(1){
> system("copy C:\me C:\");
> }

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} Getting to your roots, eh?


1530-06    (10744 dist, 3.6 mean)
Selected-By: Rich McGee <rmcgee@csusb.edu>

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> Hey Orrie,
> I've just been mailed what looks like
> a fully functional staff of Zot.
> Is it yours?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} It is a faithful image (via e-mail) of a Staff of ZOT. It will work
} exactly as well as any other image of such a staff, that is to say it
} is totally harmless.
}
} NO, DON'T POINT THAT THING AT YOUR MOTHER!
}
} The Oracle owes you an urn for your mother.
}
} You owe the Oracle half of whatever you earn panhandling as an orphan.


1530-07    (17503 dist, 2.8 mean)
Selected-By: Tim Chew <twchew@mindspring.com>

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> Got any old passwords I can have?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} You can't have 12345, I'm already using it on my luggage.


1530-08    (05722 dist, 3.1 mean)
Selected-By: Rich McGee <rmcgee@csusb.edu>

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> While in the middle of an imagined conversation that I guess we
> didn't actually have, I thought that I had complained to you about an
> important question that I had written earlier, on a previous occasion.
> Unfortunately, so it seems, I thought I had written "impotent question"
> by mistake.
>
> As you can easily see, no spelling corrector is going to catch that
> kind of error, so your perspicacious wisdom (including the ability
> to discern what I mean when I have no blinking idea of what I said)
> would have helped. If only you had been there.
>
> If you were a supplicant like me, instead of an Omniscient Oracle like
> you, what would you do to prevent making errors instead of mistakes?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} Imagine no spell checkers
} I wonder if you can
} No typos or mistakes
} And no errors, too
}
} Imagine all the supplicants
} Pondering in peace
}
} You may say I'm the Oracle
} I'm not like you supplicant
} And what's really important
} Unlike you I'm not impotent
}
} Or so I imagine.
}
} You owe the Oracle an impotent question about mistaken errors.


1530-09    (03562 dist, 3.4 mean)
Selected-By: Tim Chew <twchew@mindspring.com>

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> Why do people try to get out of jury duty?  I would think it an
> honor.

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} Some believe, most likely correctly, that they are mentally unsuited
} for the task. Would you want your fate determined by twelve
} people whose sole thoughts during trial were, "I'd rather be
} drinking football and watching beer!"?


1530-10    (23245 dist, 3.4 mean)
Selected-By: Christophe <xof@chanticleer.com>

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> How does that one song go?  "In the Internet, the quiet Internet, the
> trolls all sleep tonight."  Or something.

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} Ee-e-e-oh-mum-a-neh
} Ee-e-e-oh-mum-a-neh
}
} Ennessay, ennessay, ennessay, ennessay
} Ennessay, ennessay, ennessay, ennessay
} Ennessay, ennessay, ennessay, ennessay
} Ennessay, ennessay, ennessay, ennessay
}
} In the internet, the quiet internet
} The trolls all sleep tonight
} In the internet, the quiet internet
} The trolls all sleep tonight
}
} Ennessay, ennessay, ennessay, ennessay
} Ennessay, ennessay, ennessay, ennessay
} Ennessay, ennessay, ennessay, ennessay
} Ennessay, ennessay, ennessay, ennessay
}
} Near the hub, the peaceful hub
} The NSA sleeps tonight
} Near the hub, the quiet hub
} The NSA sleeps tonight
}
} Ennessay, ennessay, ennessay, ennessay
} Ennessay, ennessay, ennessay, ennessay
} Ennessay, ennessay, ennessay, ennessay
} Ennessay, ennessay, ennessay, ennessay
}
} Hush Ed Snowden, don't fear Ed Snowden
} The internet sleeps tonight
} Hush Ed Snowden, don't cry Ed Snowden
} The internet sleeps tonight
}
} Ennessay, ennessay, ennessay, ennessay
} Ennessay, ennessay, ennessay, ennessay
} Ennessay, ennessay, ennessay, ennessay
} Ennessay, ennessay, ennessay, ennessay
}
} Ee-e-e-oh-mum-a-neh
} Ee-e-e-oh-mum-a-neh
}
} You owe the Oracle the lyrics to Eddie Crack Code and I Don't Care.


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