[IO]
Internet Oracle
21 Sep 2017 home : about : create : digests : bestofs : specials : priests 5:11:37 GMT

Internet Oracularities #1531

Goto:
1531, 1531-01, 1531-02, 1531-03, 1531-04, 1531-05, 1531-06, 1531-07, 1531-08, 1531-09, 1531-10


Internet Oracularities #1531    (15 votes, 2.7 mean)
Compiled-By: Steve Kinzler <kinzler@cs.indiana.edu>
Date: Sun, 23 Mar 2014 15:27:35 -0500 (EST)

To find out all about the Internet Oracle (TM), including how to
participate, send mail to oracle@cs.indiana.edu with the word "help"
in the subject line, or go to http://www.cs.indiana.edu/~oracle/ or
http://www.internetoracle.org/  ("Internet Oracle" is a trademark of
Stephen B Kinzler.)

Let us know what you like!  Send your ratings of these 10 Oracularities
on an integer scale of 1 ("very bad") to 5 ("very good") with the
volume number to oracle-vote@cs.indiana.edu (probably just reply to
this message).  For example:
   1531
   2 1 3 4 3   5 3 3 4 1

1531  15 votes 24720 06261 21561 35421 66102 34341 14523 53340 42450 43512
1531  2.7 mean  2.6   3.1   3.2   2.5   2.1   2.7   3.1   2.4   2.7   2.6


1531-01    (24720 dist, 2.6 mean)
Selected-By: Christophe <xof@chanticleer.com>

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> I'm so proud of you, Oracle.  You always pull through in the end.

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} That's awfully nice of you, but I've been feeling kind of awful lately
} and honestly I don't know why I do this any more, so it's not really
} accurate. You wouldn't happen to have any of those horrible VCR-tape
} thingies, would you? ...nah, thought not.
}
} Sorry to burst your little bubble of hope for the universe, man
} (and/or woman and/or indeterminate thing/creature/robot/ace of
} spades/animate pumpkin), but I'm afraid this is just the way it is.
} The Universe hates me. I hate the Universe. Who had to go and create
} the place anyway? Whoever they are, I'd like to find them and give
} them a good kick in the rear for inventing me along with it, because
} it's OBVIOUSLY ALL THEIR FAULT. I'd feel so much better if I wasn't
} invented by a madman with a talent for disorganization. Thanks, "god."
}
} I need a drink.
}
} You owe the Oracle one of those neat DIY "Bring About The Apocalypse
} In Your Basement" kits and a twelve-step plan for self-improvement,
} followed by an appointment with your psychiatrist. Oh, and a glass of
} lager.


1531-02    (06261 dist, 3.1 mean)
Selected-By: "Lawrence, Mark" <lawrence.4@osu.edu>

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> from zeus@olimpus.gr:
> On guard!

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} Zeus, dude.
}
} I know things are tough and you have a lot of extra time on your hands
} with your fan base shrinking to almost nothing, but like I told you
} last week, a play-by-email fencing simulation game is not going to be a
} big win for you.


1531-03    (21561 dist, 3.2 mean)
Selected-By: Tim Chew <twchew@mindspring.com>

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> Danica Patrick has crashed more than Windows 3.1. Is she trying to
> prove all the negative stereotypes about women drivers?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} No, that's not it at all. Try to understand, she's tring to emulate her
} new sponsor, GoDaddy.com. They crash all the time, too.


1531-04    (35421 dist, 2.5 mean)
Selected-By: "Klone (aka Daniel V. Klein) " <dvk@lonewolf.com>

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> If Captain Kidd and Jack Sparrow came from the wingless social insects
> of the magician Teller's partner, would they be a Gilbert and Sullivan
> musical.

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} I owe Lanthe! I owe Lanthe! Wait a minute, no I don't.
}
} Ahh, of course. "Alas, who loves a spaceman?" With "Little Asteroid"??
} No, that's not quite right.
}
} Rigatoni? No, that's pasta.
}
} These riddles aren't worth the trouble. You're probably thinking of one
} of these alternate titles, such as The Slave of Duty.
}
} You owe the Oracle a list of the chemical elements, set to a possibly
} recognizable tune.


1531-05    (66102 dist, 2.1 mean)
Selected-By: Christophe <xof@chanticleer.com>

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> Asshole. Maylasian flight. What did you do?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} Asshole. Not Funny. People could be dead. One more of those and you're
} banned.


1531-06    (34341 dist, 2.7 mean)
Selected-By: Dave <lightinchains@gmail.com>

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> where does my soul go after I get my picture taken?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} It is still within you. What happens is that it gets pregnant of a 2D
} soul that is born as the flash vanishes. You didn't know because they
} are incredibly difficult to see them in profile.
} You owe the Oracle a Klein bottle.


1531-07    (14523 dist, 3.1 mean)
Selected-By: Tim Chew <twchew@mindspring.com>

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> Oh wonderous Oracle of higher mathmatics...
>
> 2b || !2b?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} Whether 'tis nobler in the mind to suffer
} The computer programming metaphors,
} Or plain old math....


1531-08    (53340 dist, 2.4 mean)
Selected-By: Rich McGee <rmcgee@csusb.edu>

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> Are there mites on the sun?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} There mite be.


1531-09    (42450 dist, 2.7 mean)
Selected-By: Christophe <xof@chanticleer.com>

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> from zeus@olimpus.gr:
> <wields a thunderbolt> On guard!

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} Hey Zeus.. (Or is that "Jesus"?)
}
} You really should think about upgrading your phone.
} That one was a great model and all.. the first to have 4G on Verizon.
} But I understand the battery only lasts about 10 minutes, so all you
} can do is physically assault people with it.
}
} Maybe if you actually called little Hercules every once in awhile, you
} wouldn't have so much anger built up inside.


1531-10    (43512 dist, 2.6 mean)
Selected-By: Christophe <xof@chanticleer.com>

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> A dream within a dream

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} If I ever catch you sleeping on the job again, you're gonna regret it!


© Copyright 1989-2017 The Internet OracleTM a Kinzler.com offering Contact oracle-web@internetoracle.org