} Your question reminded me that I should probably catch up with some of
} my relatives. You know how it is, you go for a couple of months without
} seeing them, then before you know it you only see them at weddings and
} funerals (theirs, of course, I'm immortal and since I asked Lisa what
} she was thinking about last night and she said she was imagining the
} wedding she'll never have, the first is unlikely to happen either).
} So, I invited some of them around for a dinner party at the Oracular
} Palace and this is what happened:
} QE2: And what do you do?
} O: I answer questions from all of humanity, Your Majesty.
} QE2: Fascinating. Perhaps you can answer one about my son Andrew. Why?
} O: I don't know, I'm sure, Your Majesty.
} QE2: Oh well. I'd better stop Philip from insulting any of the other
} guests. Oh dear, he's talking to Louis XIV and I think I heard the
} word "frog".
} O: Ah, Alexander, how are you?
} A: Very well. I have claimed this palace in the name of the Alexandrian
} O: Really? You want to have control over a grovelling slave, several
} priests who have been driven insane by communicating my visions to
} supplicants, and a dungeon full of rabid woodchucks? Also, the Postal
} Service is making a loss; no-one ever puts the right postage on the
} gifts they send me.
} A: Ah, yes. For your heroic work, I hereby give you the freedom to rule
} as you wish in your domain. Do you think I would be better off
} conquering the Hundred-Acre Wood? I saw Winnie The Pooh over there
} and I think he would trade it for a pot of honey.
} O: Jack, good to see you. You, er, got out of prison following all that
} misunderstanding then?
} Jack The R.: Yes, I told them that making copies of DVDs I own was
} perfectly legal and they let me off.
} O: Yes, of course. By the way, have you seen Ivan yet? He replied to my
} invitation with a three page insult, including the suggestion that he
} didn't want to see me because, and I quote, "Who wants to see an ugly
} face like that anyway?"
} By the way, The Incredible Hulk couldn't fit into his dinner jacket, so
} was stopped at the door by my butler The Thing, and Muffin The Mule has
} a court order preventing him from being mentioned in polite company.
} You owe the Oracle a seating plan for the dinner that would not result
} in all-out war before the fish course.