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Internet Oracularities #1537

Goto:
1537, 1537-01, 1537-02, 1537-03, 1537-04, 1537-05, 1537-06, 1537-07, 1537-08, 1537-09, 1537-10


Internet Oracularities #1537    (17 votes, 3.2 mean)
Compiled-By: steve@kinzler.com (Steve Kinzler)
Date: Wed, 02 Jul 2014 06:49:48 -0500 (EST)

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Let us know what you like!  Send your ratings of these 10 Oracularities
on an integer scale of 1 ("very bad") to 5 ("very good") with the
volume number to oracle-vote@cs.indiana.edu (probably just reply to
this message).  For example:
   1537
   2 1 3 4 3   5 3 3 4 1

1537  17 votes 12563 03572 33641 16442 23651 16343 26432 01484 05543 32552
1537  3.2 mean  3.5   3.5   2.8   3.0   3.0   3.1   2.8   3.9   3.3   3.1


1537-01    (12563 dist, 3.5 mean)
Selected-By: Ian Davis

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> Oracle, I made the obvious mistake when looking for a "pen pal".
> How embarrassing.  How do I fix it?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} I think you're going to have to move out.
} There's no reasoning with a pig.


1537-02    (03572 dist, 3.5 mean)
Selected-By: Tim Chew <twchew@mindspring.com>

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> How do I unbake a cake?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} Step 1: Eat it.
} Step 2: Wait a day or 2.
} Step 3: Carefully separate out the ingredients.


1537-03    (33641 dist, 2.8 mean)
Selected-By: Tim Chew <twchew@mindspring.com>

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> CHOCOLATE is the ANSWER
>
> Who cares what the question is

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} Finally someone has discovered the truth!
}
} The dinosaurs didn't eat chocolate (and ice cream), and
} we all know what happened to them!  Everyone has ignored
} this fact, being mislead by the health nuts and their great
} meteorite conspiracy instead!  It's about time someone stood
} up against those corrupt, so called scientists!  You, my dear
} supplicant, is a true hero!
}
} You owe the Oracle a gallon of chocolate ice cream.


1537-04    (16442 dist, 3.0 mean)
Selected-By: Tim Chew <twchew@mindspring.com>

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> I don't believe you.  Not because I think you would lie to me, but
> because I have a difficult time trusting people.  How can I fix this?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} Protip: people come across more serious when your email client has a
} default font of Times instead of Comic Sans.
}
} Also, stop dating politicians.


1537-05    (23651 dist, 3.0 mean)
Selected-By: "Lawrence, Mark" <lawrence.4@osu.edu>

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> Orrie, I asked you a Very Important Question and you gave me a Very
> Helpful Answer and charged me Nothing.  Was the answer a trick?  I'm
> suddenly quite worried.

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} It wasn't a trick.
} Don't worry, you don't owe me anything this time.
}
} Incarnated by Charles Ponzi.


1537-06    (16343 dist, 3.1 mean)
Selected-By: Tim Chew <twchew@mindspring.com>

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> Are we having fun yet?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} Well, some of us are, at least.
}
} You owe the Oracle $50,000 for landing on his property.


1537-07    (26432 dist, 2.8 mean)
Selected-By: Christophe <xof@chanticleer.com>

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> Iay antway amienday otay ieday otay.

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} Responsum est Latine sed non Latine Porcorum.


1537-08    (01484 dist, 3.9 mean)
Selected-By: "Klone (aka Daniel V. Klein) " <dvk@lonewolf.com>

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> I like to report a bug for no reason.  All the Questions and Answers
> come equipped with one extra blank line each.
>
> Thanks in advance.

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} There is no such thing as an extra blank line. You can use them to
} make comments in red that refer to the line above (or the line below).
} In poor nations, they run the paper through the printer again and
} the second set of Q and A fill the blank lines with untold wisdom.
} Medieval monks used them to write extra copies of the Bible at
} little to no cost for materials. If Fermat had had some blank lines,
} he could have shown his proof to all who followed. Some say
} they waste trees, but they're absolutely wrong. Cut up a sheet of
} paper, separate the blank lines from the others, and you can
} make your own tree. You can even put dollar amounts on your
} bank statement and make a little extra cash. (But don't over do it)
} If all of the blank lines were laid end to end, they would reach the
} end of the universe (almost). The most important thing small
} children learn in school is how to wait in line. It is the fabric of
} our society and keeps it from falling apart. Now that you know the
} potential value of blank lines, I am going to give you one:
}
} You owe the Oracle something spectacular on the blank line above.
} Don't let me down.


1537-09    (05543 dist, 3.3 mean)
Selected-By: Dave <lightinchains@gmail.com>

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> Alas, poor Yorracle, I know him.

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} A fellow of finite jest, of acceptable levels of fancy; he hath
} answered me a thousand times; and now, how abhorred in my imagination
} it is! My woodchuck chucks at it. Here hung those tellme's that I have
} askme'd I know not how oft. Where be your zots now? Your Lisa? Your
} songs? Your flashes of merriment, that were wont to set the inbox on a
} roar?


1537-10    (32552 dist, 3.1 mean)
Selected-By: "Klone (aka Daniel V. Klein) " <dvk@lonewolf.com>

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> I just wanted you know that you were wrong. In predicting his death,
> you said (and I quote) "He will be missed."
>
> That was wrong. I shot him squarely between the eyed. He is now dead.
> I am a good shot. He was not missed.
>
> (I know this is not a question, but your last answer was not an
> answer. Doesn't that make us somehow even? Odd, isn't it?)

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} Good thinking, Supplicant.  I gave you a non-answer, so you give me a
} non-question.  Serves me right!
}
} By the way, I have a Staff of Zot, and you will NOT be missed so
} easily!


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