} Your lack of understanding is likely due to the fact that you are a
} philo-pho-sy major, which the Oracle can only assume is a fusion of
} Vietnamese cuisine and the art of thinking. What you must understand in
} order to understand philosophy is that philosophy is not meant to be
} understood - it is, in fact, the world's longest-running hybrid of
} practical joke and party game. To begin playing Philosophy, you will
} first need a copy of the rules. They are as follows:
} Rule 1 - Making a philosophy is defined as writing a lengthy, dense
} diatribe on an abstract subject that can never be proven or disproven.
} Your initial score is determined by word count and by impenetrability
} as defined by a panel of judges. How are the judges determined? If you
} can determine who the judges are, your philosophy fails on the grounds
} that it is not dense enough.
} Rule 2 - Your philosophy cannot have any concrete value to anyone, at
} any time. Should anyone be able to generate anything of actual value
} using your philosophy, you are disqualified.
} Rule 3 - Bonus points are awarded for each accepted academic paper
} written about your philosophy, which are doubled if any of those papers
} form their own philosophies. How many bonus points? Like the judges, if
} you can ever determine how many, your philosophy fails.
} Rule 4 - Revealing any of these rules to outsiders is considered to be
} poor form for non-players, and an offense punishable by
} disqualification for anyone playing the game.
} As for your second question, La Cantatrice Chauve is definitely on the
} high-score list, but is nowhere near being the highest scorer of all
} time. That would go to the people who invented string theory. However,
} the Oracle encourages you to attempt your own entry into the game of
} Philosophy using your specialized major. Perhaps you could start with a
} theory that if you really look at it, everything is just like a warm
} bowl of pho.
} You owe the Oracle one bowl of pho with extra beef.