[IO]
Internet Oracle
19 Sep 2017 home : about : create : digests : bestofs : specials : priests 17:12:23 GMT

Internet Oracularities #1549

Goto:
1549, 1549-01, 1549-02, 1549-03, 1549-04, 1549-05, 1549-06, 1549-07, 1549-08, 1549-09, 1549-10


Internet Oracularities #1549    (21 votes, 3.2 mean)
Compiled-By: steve@kinzler.com (Steve Kinzler)
Date: Sun, 01 Mar 2015 09:20:50 -0500 (EST)

To find out all about the Internet Oracle (TM), including how
to participate, send mail to help@internetoracle.org, or go to
http://internetoracle.org/  ("Internet Oracle" is a trademark of Stephen
B Kinzler.)

Let us know what you like!  Send your ratings of these 10 Oracularities
on an integer scale of 1 ("very bad") to 5 ("very good") with the volume
number to vote@internetoracle.org (probably just reply to this message).
For example:
   1549
   2 1 3 4 3   5 3 3 4 1

1549  21 votes 35553 15951 34b21 15474 24843 23853 09282 33564 11586 13395
1549  3.2 mean  3.0   3.0   2.7   3.4   3.1   3.2   3.1   3.2   3.8   3.7


1549-01    (35553 dist, 3.0 mean)
Selected-By: Ian Davis

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> Please send me some new south whales. My cousin Edweird says he wants
> new south whales for a Xmas present and that they are not the size I
> would think, so that means they have to be a lot smaller. That would
> mean you can fit one into a attanchmint to your reply. I guess I
> spelled that worng. Maybe a picture of a whale would do. He also
> mentioned prints of whales.

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} I'm out of whales. I have sent him the United Snakes of America.


1549-02    (15951 dist, 3.0 mean)
Selected-By: Tim Chew <twchew@mindspring.com>

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> I wanted to change my password, and I thought I would change it to
> *****. The computer was rude to me and said my ***** was too short. How
> could it know? My ***** isn't REALLY too short, is it?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} Oh, don't worry. Size does not matter, at least not solely. Other
} numbers do too. A foreign or special character tends to improve
} suitability as well. There's also a good argument that if it stands for
} something bigger than initially visible, then despite looking a bit
} random at first, it it can be very memorable, which is important, too.
}
} You owe the Oracle a less male dominated tech industry.


1549-03    (34b21 dist, 2.7 mean)
Selected-By: Dave <lightinchains@gmail.com>

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> Please teach me the "okey-dokey" dance.

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} You have misunderstood, the Oracle teaches the 'OWie-OWie' dance.  The
} lessons include having one of my priests (disguised as the tooth
} fairy) sneak into your house, sprinkle Lego pieces, hazel nuts, d4
} dice and marbles around your bed and remove all light bulbs while
} you're sleeping.  Then he'll set the smoke detector off.
}
} You don't owe me anything, I'll get my reward from America's Funniest
} Videos. (Oh, I guess I forgot telling you about the night vision
} cameras.)


1549-04    (15474 dist, 3.4 mean)
Selected-By: Ian Davis

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

>

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} Gorilla Glue $6.50.
} Replacing supplicant's tooth paste: Priceless!


1549-05    (24843 dist, 3.1 mean)
Selected-By: Tim Chew <twchew@mindspring.com>

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> This question is about middle initials. As you already know, my middle
> initial is W, and yours is, of course I. I am not you, no matter how
> appealing that thought may be. At least not now, not precisely now.
>
> What I want is the middle name of the famous explorer, Dr. Livingstone
> I. Presume. I can pretty much guess it's not Internet, like yours. "Dr.
> Livingstone Internet Presume" sounds especially stupid, and if it were
> my name I would go and hide inside some dark place in Africa. Probably
> in a lion or a hittopopamus. For Christmas.
>
> So who is I?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} 'Incarnation'.
}
} You see, although your history books never mention it, Dr. Livingstone
} was a notorious queue drainer.  When the supplicants finally found
} him, he fled to Africa in an attempt to escape the lynching mob, but
} he didn't count on Stanley's endurance and determination.
}
} You owe the Oracle more questions.


1549-06    (23853 dist, 3.2 mean)
Selected-By: Ian Davis

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> ... :-)

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} Going skinhead would probably be a better idea than a comb over from
} your eyebrows.


1549-07    (09282 dist, 3.1 mean)
Selected-By: Christophe <xof@chanticleer.com>

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> I didn't ask for this snow. Why do I have it?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} Someone else, more important than you, asked for it.  That's democracy
} for you.


1549-08    (33564 dist, 3.2 mean)
Selected-By: Ian Davis

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> Help me, I can't decide between these clothes or those.

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} Both make you look equally fat.  PRETTY! PRETTY!  I meant PRETTY!
} You look gorgeous in everything! Honest!
}
} You owe the Oracle 'undo'.  Or a doghouse.


1549-09    (11586 dist, 3.8 mean)
Selected-By: Christophe <xof@chanticleer.com>

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> I need some good advice.  Here's a gold coin for payment.

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} Thank you. Here's my advice:
}
} Be careful with your money, and don't give away good gold for worthless
} words.
}
} You owe the Oracle the rest of your gold.


1549-10    (13395 dist, 3.7 mean)
Selected-By: Tim Chew <twchew@mindspring.com>

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> What's so bad about Communism? It's just about sharing everything. I
> don't have anything, and I could sure use a share of what other people
> have. Just as long as I don't have to give up my car.

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} Bad news, supplicant.  You owe the Oracle, well, you know.


© Copyright 1989-2017 The Internet OracleTM a Kinzler.com offering Contact oracle-web@internetoracle.org