[IO]
Internet Oracle
23 Nov 2017 home : about : create : digests : bestofs : specials : priests 11:00:13 GMT

Internet Oracularities #1551

Goto:
1551, 1551-01, 1551-02, 1551-03, 1551-04, 1551-05, 1551-06, 1551-07, 1551-08, 1551-09, 1551-10


Internet Oracularities #1551    (17 votes, 3.1 mean)
Compiled-By: steve@kinzler.com (Steve Kinzler)
Date: Wed, 29 Apr 2015 10:05:57 -0500 (EST)

To find out all about the Internet Oracle (TM), including how
to participate, send mail to help@internetoracle.org, or go to
http://internetoracle.org/  ("Internet Oracle" is a trademark of Stephen
B Kinzler.)

Let us know what you like!  Send your ratings of these 10 Oracularities
on an integer scale of 1 ("very bad") to 5 ("very good") with the volume
number to vote@internetoracle.org (probably just reply to this message).
For example:
   1551
   2 1 3 4 3   5 3 3 4 1

1551  17 votes 14480 24560 26711 01844 14624 23624 53171 02582 06731 23660
1551  3.1 mean  3.1   2.9   2.6   3.6   3.2   3.2   2.8   3.6   2.9   2.9


1551-01    (14480 dist, 3.1 mean)
Selected-By: Tim Chew <twchew@mindspring.com>

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> It suddenly got quiet again.

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} Yes. It was having trouble with the spelling, and first it got quiet,
} but then corrected itself to quite, and still wasn't sure. After trying
} queit and quote, it finally got quiet again, suddenly realizing that
} that was the correct word.
}
} You owe the Oracle a new spell of invisibility.


1551-02    (24560 dist, 2.9 mean)
Selected-By: Rich <mvsopen@gmail.com>

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> Should I suspect the soup?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} Yes. It's positively primordial today.


1551-03    (26711 dist, 2.6 mean)
Selected-By: Christophe <xof@chanticleer.com>

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> Oracle Press proudly presents:
>
> 'Hamlet', by Louis L'Amour:

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} The tiny western hamlet of Hattan's Point is a sleepy town until the
} day that Matt Brennan seems to bring with him a heated, all out war
} that involves practically everyone in town. Matt makes friends and
} enemies with equal ease. He also finds the love of his life and is in
} hot pursuit despite her being the daughter of one of the main
} combatants in the feud. Is she named Ophelia? Find out! Read L'Amour's
} Silver Canyon.


1551-04    (01844 dist, 3.6 mean)
Selected-By: Tim Chew <twchew@mindspring.com>

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> I have artism?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} Artism, as you must be aware, is a spectrum disorder. Often, people go
} undiagnosed for years, as they are thought simply to have a colorful
} personality. However, with deep introspection and sometimes
} professional guidance, a fuller picture emerges. A good evaluation
} against the criteria for artism can provide the artistic individual
} with a frame of reference for so much that seemed confusing. I know
} that lately there seems to be a great hue and cry about the "epidemic"
} of artism, to the point where the media seems to be saturated with this
} dreary line, but brighten up! If you stay composed, artism doesn't have
} to be a drawback!


1551-05    (14624 dist, 3.2 mean)
Selected-By: Christophe <xof@chanticleer.com>

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> So apparently there is a risk of thrush, but what's the mechanism
> for that?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} Dear Mr. Supplicant,
}
} Thank you for your fourth letter regarding the matter. We repeat our
} request to clean up your balcony after your breakfasts.
}
} To answer your question of the mechanism of thrushes: They're bloody
} birds. They like grain and bakery products. That's why they're swarming
} over the estate each morning.
}
} Please comply and do not write us any further letters, or we will have
} to hand the matter over to our lawyers.
}
} Kind Regards
}
} Oracular Property Management LTD


1551-06    (23624 dist, 3.2 mean)
Selected-By: "Klone (aka Daniel V. Klein) " <dvk@lonewolf.com>

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> Good afternoon my dearfriend!
>
> I am the beginner in the Internet also was the first attempt to find
> friends inthe Internet. I feel slightly uncertainly. I was registered
> on this site and found your structure. It is interesting to meto learn
> you closer. I have overlooked to speak you about myself. My name Elena
> and I am 26 years. Ilive in small city of Russia. I hope that it does
> not frighten you. My opinion has no value for you, but Iwant that you
> knew that I have only the good relation to you and your country. I
> want that you wrote to me on my personal address - gexevymin@yandex.ru
>
> I shall hope that you write to me very soon. I shall send necessarily
> to you mysome photos when you will write to me! And I also want to see
> your photos. I sincerely wait for your letter. Do not overlook
> gexevymin@yandex.ru mailto:gexevymin@yandex.ru
>
> Sincerely yours Elena

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} Dearest Elena,
}
} I, the Internet Oracle, am flattered by your offer of friendship,
} however, I must admit that I suspect you may be looking for a sort of
} relationship which I am not willing to partake of with you. You see, I
} don't believe you are a 26 year old lady from Russia. I think you are a
} robot in a server in California.
}
} You owe the Oracle: Photos stolen from a mail-order bride website. You
} can keep the bride, the Oracle only wants the photos for a personal
} collection. The Oracle is very interested in "art."


1551-07    (53171 dist, 2.8 mean)
Selected-By: Tim Chew <twchew@mindspring.com>

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> I'm the young lad from Iran
> Whose limericks never will scan.
> They ask me the reason.
> "Your toes that are freezin'?"
> And I tell them it's because I always try to put as many words into the
> last line as I possibly can.
>
> Please tell me something that'll warm my toes.

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} Socks.
}
} You owe me a limerick about socks, that is also acrostic about socks.


1551-08    (02582 dist, 3.6 mean)
Selected-By: Tim Chew <twchew@mindspring.com>

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> Is Google making us stupid?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} I'm here to explain mysteries, not banalities. Please don't send me
} questions that you could answer yourself within seconds with a simple
} google query.


1551-09    (06731 dist, 2.9 mean)
Selected-By: Klone (aka Daniel V Klein) <dan@klein.com>

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> I'm afraid I'm not as young as I used to be.

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} Your fears are well founded. Remember that Anna Russell used to say (in
} "How to Write Your Own Gilbert and Sullivan Opera"), "I'm afraid that
} my quartet singing isn't what it use to be." Remember also that she
} would then sing a quartet all by herself, including a very nasal tenor.
}
} Miss Russell has now passed over to join the Quartet Invisible,
} which she presumably sings all by herself.
}
} You, the Supplicant Invisible, are not yet dead, but being invisible
} are As Good As Dead. Check The Mikado (by G&S) for the inestimable
} virtue of being found to be As Good As Dead.
}
} You owe the Oracle your own head, snicker-snacked with a vorpal blade,
} on a platter.


1551-10    (23660 dist, 2.9 mean)
Selected-By: "Lawrence, Mark" <lawrence.4@osu.edu>

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> [?]

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} Hm, a single button.
} *Click*
}
} About Supplisoft Null Question Generator v. 11.2.0.4
} [Upgrade to 12.1.0.2]
}
} (C) 2015 The Internet Supplicant.
}
} NQG is designed by Supplicants, a global community working together to
} make the Oracle's life as miserable as possible.
}
} Want to help?  Make a donation or get involved!


© Copyright 1989-2017 The Internet OracleTM a Kinzler.com offering Contact oracle-web@internetoracle.org