[IO]
Internet Oracle
20 Nov 2017 home : about : create : digests : bestofs : specials : priests 11:47:10 GMT

Internet Oracularities #1553

Goto:
1553, 1553-01, 1553-02, 1553-03, 1553-04, 1553-05, 1553-06, 1553-07, 1553-08, 1553-09, 1553-10


Internet Oracularities #1553    (18 votes, 3.0 mean)
Compiled-By: steve@kinzler.com (Steve Kinzler)
Date: Thu, 23 Jul 2015 08:54:07 -0500 (EST)

To find out all about the Internet Oracle (TM), including how
to participate, send mail to help@internetoracle.org, or go to
http://internetoracle.org/  ("Internet Oracle" is a trademark of Stephen
B Kinzler.)

Let us know what you like!  Send your ratings of these 10 Oracularities
on an integer scale of 1 ("very bad") to 5 ("very good") with the volume
number to vote@internetoracle.org (probably just reply to this message).
For example:
   1553
   2 1 3 4 3   5 3 3 4 1

1553  18 votes 2a411 35334 13743 02592 15831 34623 55350 15831 02673 11682
1553  3.0 mean  2.4   3.0   3.3   3.6   2.9   2.9   2.4   2.9   3.6   3.5


1553-01    (2a411 dist, 2.4 mean)
Selected-By: Tim Chew <twchew@mindspring.com>

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> Oh great Oracle, who uses the Death Star as his ball!
>
> What would happen if we switched Han and Hope?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} We'd probably get A New Han, and also Hope Solo.


1553-02    (35334 dist, 3.0 mean)
Selected-By: "Klone (aka Daniel V. Klein) " <dvk@lonewolf.com>

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> How crazy am I?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} Let me link up to your mind to get a good look... Okay... Hmm, I'm
} seeing... Oh. Oh my gosh. No. NOOO! Oh the humanity! What's is this...?
} AHHH! NOOOO! MAKE IT STOP! PLEASE MAKE IT STOP! I DON'T WANT TO KNOW! I
} CAN'T UNSEE IT! Oh... Oh no, no, never again. Please, never again.
} *whimper*
}
} You're fine.


1553-03    (13743 dist, 3.3 mean)
Selected-By: Tim Chew <twchew@mindspring.com>

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> Don't start that karma stuff again.

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} Why should I?  It would just come back around again.


1553-04    (02592 dist, 3.6 mean)
Selected-By: Christophe <xof@chanticleer.com>

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> [][][][][][][][]
> ][][][][][][][][
> [][][][][][][][]
> ][][][][][][][][
> [][][][][][][][]

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} Add a few *, $, #, and ! and it will probably be legal perl.


1553-05    (15831 dist, 2.9 mean)
Selected-By: Tim Chew <twchew@mindspring.com>

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> The moon is waxing gibbons.
>
> Please explain.

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} It's more than half full, and going ape getting more full.


1553-06    (34623 dist, 2.9 mean)
Selected-By: Dave <lightinchains@gmail.com>

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> The doctor gave me a prescription for diphenhydramine. At least that's
> what he said he was doing.
>
> I was looking at it, and it seems to say, "diphenhydrazine". That's
> goddam Rocket Fuel!!! I'll hit the moon!
>
> What kind of supplications do you want from the moon?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} Loony ones, of course!  Those are my favorite!
}
} (But not the hellishly loony ones from "you know who", of course.)


1553-07    (55350 dist, 2.4 mean)
Selected-By: Christophe <xof@chanticleer.com>

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> My name is John Jacob Jingleheimer Schmidt, and so's yours.

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} Now there a name I've not heard in a long time.


1553-08    (15831 dist, 2.9 mean)
Selected-By: Klone (aka Daniel V Klein) <dan@klein.com>

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> What's the best way to assure the masses?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} By having any of the following:
}
} 1. Mass appeal
}
} 2. A mass spectrometer
}
} 3. A blessing by the Pope?
}
} No mas! I'm out of ideas unless you want to talk theoretical
} physics.
}
} You owe the Oracle the DVD for Season 8 of the Big Bang Theory.


1553-09    (02673 dist, 3.6 mean)
Selected-By: Ian Davis

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> Please translate that earlier answer into Nonswearing.  I don't speak
> Swearing.

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} %@#$!&& --> Gosh.
} $$%^#@  --> Darn.
} &#%$@$$ --> Golly-gee-whillikers.
}
} Everything else follows in exactly the same manner.
}
} You continue to owe the Oracle some %#@*ing respect.


1553-10    (11682 dist, 3.5 mean)
Selected-By: MVS Gmail <mvsopen@gmail.com>

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> Was kind: Rewound.

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} Too late. Blockbuster closed its last store a year and a half ago.
}
} You owe the Oracle a TRS-80. Hurry, before Radio Shack ... what?
} Never mind.


© Copyright 1989-2017 The Internet OracleTM a Kinzler.com offering Contact oracle-web@internetoracle.org