} 101 thoughts the Oracle has during the day.
} 1 Wow, how much did I drink last night?
} 2 A lot, that's for sure.
} 3 Not enough to forget though.
} 4 I'm an omniscient being; how can I ever forget?
} 5 DEAR GOD WHY WON'T YOU LET ME FORGET?
} 6 Ahem. Better get out of bed I suppose.
} 7 Not just yet, though.
} 8 Perhaps if I wait long enough the questions will answer themselves.
} 9 They won't will they?
} 10 Damn.
} 11 Left leg out of bed.
} 12 Right leg out of bed.
} 13 Stand up.
} 14 What was that noise?
} 15 Oh, just my knees, never mind.
} 16 Walk to bathroom.
} 17 Shower.
} 18 Where's Zadoc with my breakfast?
} 19 Oh, he's still asleep.
} 20 Doesn't he look so peaceful lying there?
} 21 Yes.
} 22 OY ZADOC! WAKE UP YOU LAZY BUM!
} 23 Why does Zadoc put up with this?
} 24 Because he worships me.
} 25 Hmm, breakfast not bad. Must remember to thank Zadoc.
} 26 Not just now, though, it'd only make him happy.
} 27 A happy Zadoc is a distracted Zadoc.
} 28 Right, down to business.
} 29 Check e-mails.
} 30 Wow, 1,251,487 questions. Is that a record?
} 31 No.
} 32 Filter for woodchuck questions and apply auto-ZOT.
} 33 Filter for questions about Lisa and send random Playboy article.
} 34 Still 34,910 questions left.
} 35 Filter for lack of grovel and send humourous put-down.
} 36 Filter for people who need Oracle system support and advise them to
} post their database password on StackOverflow.
} 37 Only 17 questions left.
} 38 Look up Star-Wars references.
} 39 Look up British cricket references.
} 40 Write script for "The Umpire Strikes Back" set in Lords Vaders'
} Cricket Ground, by A.P. Lucas.
} 41 Look up list of types of vegetable.
} 42 Hope that the supplicant isn't Donald Trump.
} 43 Realise he wouldn't understand the joke anyway.
} 44 Look up entire works of Flanders and Swann.
} 45 Listen to entire back-catalogue of Flanders and Swann.
} 46 Look up names of Viennese orchestral players from the 18th century.
} 47 Is this answer is going to be too esoteric?
} 48 Yes.
} 49 Do I care about that?
} 50 No.
} 51 Why are the remaining questions all about Liza?
} 52 Probably a spelling error.
} 53 Caused by one-handed typing.
} 54 Send remaining supplicants Playboy article. By Isaac Asimov.
} 55 Wait a minute, one last question to deal with.
} 56 I'm being offered how much?
} 57 In actual money?
} 58 For just typing out my thoughts?
} 59 Might as well, what have I got to lose?
} 60 Here goes, then.
} 61 Write all the numbers from 1 to 101.
} 62 Let's start at the very beginning (a very good place to start).
} 63 Doe, a deer, a female deer. Ray, a drop of golden sun.
} 64 Oh no, not an ear-worm again.
} 65 Listen to Bohemian Rhapsody to block it out.
} 66 Done.
} 67 Right, down to business.
} 68 What did I do this morning?
} 69 Oh, yes.
} 70 Describe getting up.
} 71 Skip description of me in shower with Lisa.
} 72 Make up some numbers about how many questions I have to answer.
} 73 Inflate them a lot; supplicants mustn't assume I'm lazy.
} 74 Put in a few details about typical questions.
} 75 Make up some bizarre answers without specifying questions.
} 76 How many more thoughts do I have to write?
} 77 Forty-five.
} 78 Damn.
} 79 Double-damn.
} 80 Hang on, I need to describe answering this question, don't I?
} 81 Won't that end up in a weird loop?
} 82 Nah, probably not.
} 83 Let's start and see what happens.
} 84 OK, seems to be all right so far.
} 85 Not many thoughts to go now.
} 86 Oh. I seem to have caught up with myself.
} 87 Help.
} 88 What comes next?
} 89 Can't I just skip the details?
} 90 Not without actually answering the question first, no.
} 91 Which requires writing down everything I think.
} 92 Hang on, that just describes answering this question.
} 93 Good, I'm out of the loop.
} 94 Wait a minute, the supplicant didn't grovel, did they?
} 95 I should have just ZOT-ted it straight away, then.
} 96 But they did offer money.
} 97 Which they are going to send me, how?
} 98 Oh, I'm sure they'll manage somehow.
} 99 If not, I know where they live.
} 100 Oh, look, number 100. Nearly there.
} 101 Press Send.