} There are various ways to use up extra money. The most common are drugs
} and alcohol, but playing the lottery is right up there, along with
} investing in some enticing scheme for which a Former Nigerian Prince
} has selected YOU ALONE as his partner in recovering lost wealth.
} All those paths are for losers. After the money runs out you still need
} more drugs or alcohol, and you end up hovering around supermarket
} parking lots, "Hey, buddy, can you spare $2 so I can buy a hamburger? I
} haven't eaten in three days?" Worse luck if you use that identical line
} on the same guy two days in a row.
} The lottery? You get back only $60 for every $100 you put in, if that
} And you already know all about the Former Prince. (NO, not THAT Prince,
} not the unpronounceable sign, but instead the one who asks for your
} bank account number.)
} So what to do?
} Invest in ORACULAR ENTERPRISES instead. Here at our headquarters in
} Former Bloomington we (that's Zadoc and I) have a multitude of
} businesses that should get going Real Soon Now, and all we lack is
} sufficient start-up capital. But don't just send off your $1300 without
} a plan. Instead, get all your friends to pool their money together for
} you, promising to pay each of them $7 at the end of the month for each
} $5 they put in now. Pay off the current investors with the new money
} coming in. You can easily see that as long as you have a good and
} growing number of friends you will soon be rich enough to invest not
} just $1300, but $130,000 or more in my businesses. Maybe even
} What do I promise you in return for your money? Omniscience! I will
} grant you the power of knowing EVERYTHING!!! Including HOW TO BE
} RICH!!!!!!! Yes, that's within my ability, because (as you already
} know) I already know everything, including how to teach you how to know
} Now I can understand that you may doubt me. DO NOT DOUBT ME, this is my
} true area of expertise, and you can be sure that the correct was to
} succeed is to bring in somebody who knows success.
} I can tell you are still doubting. You are thinking, "Why doesn't this
} so-called omniscient idiot just use his smarts to get money without
} bothering me? And WHY ME"
} Ahh, but there's the beauty of it. I know how to appeal to your innate
} greed, and that's what I am doing. Alone we would both fail, but
} together, with your greed and your ability to gather your friends in
} helping, you will further all our goals, and I will, I mean WE will
} become unspeakably rich. You are UNIQUELY QUALIFIED for this task. No
} other person has what you have, and it's exactly what I need, hence my
} invitation to you.
} Simply send me your back account number, and don't forget to get all
} your friends (and THEIR friends) involved in investing, the more the
} faster, and the faster the quicker.