Goto:

1562, 1562-01, 1562-02, 1562-03, 1562-04, 1562-05, 1562-06, 1562-07, 1562-08, 1562-09, 1562-10

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> I have a question regarding the questions of what's his name, Ronald > Bassoo, about immigration. Should we have an Open Door and allow > criminals and everybody in, or should we have a Closed Door and only > allow Selected Criminals? > > Besides, I have noticed a problem with our own Criminal Class. I don't > know where to go for the lessons.

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} Lock the door and only let the true Rogues through. } Hope they roll natural 20s.

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> You are accordion invited to my birthday partly on Suddenly the 27th of > Martin at my horse on the cornet of Main Street and Forth Ave at three > o'clock in the aftermath. > > No birthday presence required. > > BYOC (bring your own cake).

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} That's some bad spelling! Was I invited just by chants?

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> Benefits Of Joomla Web Development?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} 1. It's not Wordpress. } 2. It's not Wordpress. } 3. It's not Wordpress. } 4. It's not Wordpress. } 5. It's not Wordpress.

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> Quality Social Services to improve web presence > http://www.conversation-seo.in/social-media-package/ > > Unsubscribe Option available on the footer of our website

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} Give me a minute... } } NO. DARTH VADER JUST CAN'T BE MY FATHER! } NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!! COME ON CHEWY, TURN } ON THE HYPERDRIVE!!! } } Ok, so I'm back. } } Wait. I SWEAR, IF THIS IS DARTH VADER'S SPACE TELEMARKETER SERVICE } AGAIN, I WILL HOT GLUE YOU AND YOUR UNQUESTIONABLY LARGE NOSE TO THE } LASER OF THE DEATH STAR. } } By the way, I would like a cheese pizza with no pepperoni delivered to } the Millennium Falcon because Me and Chewbacca are starting to get } hungry. Just take the pizza to the Millennium Falcon on Tatooine. It's } parked near the Hyperdrive store. } } Sent from Luke Skywalker, in absence of The Internet Oracle, who is } taking a vacation to the planet of Naboo.

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> What are these two light switches in my house for? They don't seem to > do anything. Watch. > > See? Nothing happened! Did it?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} Don't use  the first switch! This switch causes earthquakes in China. } You can use other switch as often as you like. It just shortens your } lifespan by 10 year every time you use it.  See you soon! You own the } oracle a six pack of beer. Just bring it along.

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> How can I get to be taller? I'm only 19yrs old so I still can grow > more I'm shure. I am very short for someone of my hight. > > I tryed eating lots of tall vegs like string beans and aspergas and > celry. > > My mother says stand up strait but that is too much trouble, so you > won't say that.

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} Well saying 'stand up strait' seems like a lot less trouble than } coming up with another answer, but there you go. } } Anyway, you obviously want to get tall while laying on your back. } Replacing your veggie diet with McDonalds food should do the trick.

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> In our Statistics class we were supposed to study Poisson > distributions. The professor gave us poison distributions by mistake > and half of us died. > > Should I have taken Physics for Poets instead?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} Physicists } need } more poets }      to name their new energies }                    new particles }                    new theories }                    new new new. } } Poets } need } more physicists }      to find them new worlds }                   new microverses }                   new interactions }                   new knew new. } } BUT } watch out! } } When that newton-meter } Meets that poetic meter; } When that high energy particle } Meets that high energy prosody; } When the quantum scanning } Meets the quanta scansion; } } That rhythmical stress }         can express }                 a forceful caress }                         that makes the Muse: murderess.

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> Other people have dogs that say, "Woof! Woof!" > > My dog says, "Bark! Bark!" > > What am I doing wrong?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} Ask him what's on top of the house, instead of what's on the outside of } a tree.

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> ADD is "Attention Deficit Disorder"; what is SUBTRACT?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} Supplicants Unnecessarily Broaching Terrible Requests/Asserting } Crappy Topics

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> Do I have an "I owe" error?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} Certainly. I just executed your problem on an IBM 360/67 that I keep in } the attic and it says: } } IEH0000 UNABLE TO LOAD ERROR HANDLER. } } You owe IBM an error handler.