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The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> They say, "Be careful what you wish for; you might get it." > > I carelessly wished for a million dollars in clean cash with no catch. > > Well?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} Well, that's good.  Now all you need to do is work 137,932 hours at } the federal minimum wage. } } Or make that 275,864 hours, to account for taxes and the Oracle's fee.

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> Notice anything different about me?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} You've lost weight? You've had a haircut? You're wearing a new dress? } New shoes? You think you've put on weight? You think I think you've } put on weight? You're wearing an old dress (or at least one you've } worn once before) and want to know if anyone will notice? You're } wearing new make-up? You aren't wearing make-up? You've got a hole in } your stockings? You haven't shaved? You have shaved but think you've } missed a bit? You've dyed your hair? You think your hair needs } re-dyeing? You're having an affair with the milkman and think he might } have left lipstick on you? You think your dress is too revealing? You } think your dress isn't revealing enough? } } Come on, give me a hint, Dad, your drag-act starts in two minutes.

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> I need a crash course in legalese.

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} abatement of action--an action that has been abated } accord and satisfaction--Rolling stones song about a Honda } amicus curiae--curious friend } attachment--file hung onto an email } bench trial--testing a long short chair } breach--baby born feet first } certiorari--see certiorari } chambers--1970's movie star } charge--fill a battery } concurrent jurisdiction--confusion of legal responsibility } defamation--anything anyone says to or about Donald Trump } discovery--The Americas, et al. } et al--"and the rest" (from Gilligan's Island theme song) } ex post facto--former truth about a wooden fence part } extraordinary writ--write spelled incorrectly } garnishment--parsley } hearing de novo--salsa band from Arizona } in rem--sound asleep } incarceration--confined to one's automobile } jeopardy-TV game show } lay person--see in rem } levy--maker of 501s } mens rea--Danny Devito } moot--this word doesn't matter } nolle prosequi--prosecutorial apathy } nunc pro tunc--see ex post facto } overt act--anything written by Shakespeare (except sonnets) } precedent--chief executive of the UsA } privity--outhouse } punitive damages--alimony } quantum meruit--just desserts } quash--Australian racquetball } quid pro quo--tit for tat } ratification--species change } rea ipsa loquitur--nobody knows what this means } retainer--dental appliance } sealing--asphalting roads } statute--granite reproduction of a person } stay--that little piece of plastic in your collar } supersedeas--Burpee's finest product } tort--fruit pie } unjust enrichment--see Donald Trump } unlawful detainer--illegal dental appliance } waiver of immunity--failure to vaccinate your children } writ of certiorari--moon of Alderon destroyed in chapter 4.

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> Did you say, "Watch the sheeps," or "Wash the sheets"? How can I know > which is which?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} The sheep are the ones that object when you try to make them fit into } the washing machine.

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> I am afraid of heights. Especially Fahrenheights. What should I do?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} Try a slow descent...igrade.

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> I'm exceptionally tall for someone of my height. Is there some way I > can think I am shorter? Like maybe climb negative ladders?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} Did you try Crisco? The package says it's shortening.

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> Why must certain people get so defensive?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} Who said I am getting defensive?! I am not and never was getting } defensive!  You not really suggesting the way I am answering this } question is defensive, come on! Before accusing other people you should } realize that YOU always getting defensive!

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> "To err is human."  So what's your excuse?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} To really foul things up requires a computer.

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> My feet are pidgen toad. My voice sounds like a frog in my throat. The > less said about my nose the better. What would you say?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} I think you are about to croak.

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> Hi, Mr. Substitute Teacher. My name is Enos Europe. Please include it > when you call roll today.

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} Oh goody! Goody, goody gumdrops! An anagram! I totally adore anagrams. } } [Oracle jumps up and down, clapping hands, inadvertently kicking over } the nightstand and spilling the glass of water that was on it. The } noise awakens Lisa, who gets up, puts the water back into the glass, } and returns to sleep. In a distant room nearby, Zadoc mysteriously } illuminates a manuscript that reads, "Do not attempt to ask the Oracle } how Lisa does things like that."] } } [We now return to your previously scheduled Oracularity.] } } This anagram refers to Brexit, because it resolves to "Pee on Euros". } } You owe the Oracle several more anagrams, especially the ones cleverly } disguised as actual questions (unlike today's non-question question).