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The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> Oops, wrong number. Ex-wife says I now need thirty (30) reasons. > Sheesh! > > As I asked you just a few minutes ago: > > > Please give me 20 reasons for me to oppose Donald Trump. I really > > like the guy, and want to vote for him, but my fat ex-wife says I am > > an idiot. I need to stay on her good side, though, because of, well, > > you know. > > > > Anyway, what are the best reasons I can tell her? They don't have to > > be supportable, just sound good to her. She says he is even a bigger > > idiot than me, which is stupid because I could never just stand up > > and talk like he does. He doesn't even need a teleprompter. I couldn't > > even talk my way out of a garbage wagon without a teleprompter. Or > > with one. > > > > So what can I say? > > Oh, and thank you for being such a good sport about this. I know how > wearing stupid requests are when you get them. My ex-wife schooled me > well, and continues to do so. Double sheesh. (Oh, and if you have any > clue for "how to understand women" don't keep it to yourself. Thousands > of men out there are desperate for the answer. Not just thousands. > Millions. Or more.)

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} So you want me to slim my "List of reasons to oppose Trump" down to } just thirty. } } Normally an impossible task, but that's what the Internet Oracle is for. } } So without further ado: } }  1. He's an even bigger idiot than you. }  2. Couldn't talk his way out of a garbage can. }  3. Even with a teleprompter. }  4. Says the first drivel that comes to his head. }  5. Seems obsessed with hitting political opponents. It's not boxing, }     Donald! }  6. No previous experience in politics. You don't become president }     without being a mayor or congressman or senator first. }  7. Stupid ass hairpiece. }  8. Stupid ass hair. }  9. Stupid ass. } 10. Takes disagreements personally. } 11. Driven entirely by profits. } 12. Would nuke somewhere if he thought there's profit in it. (Probably.) } 13. Doesn't give a damn about the 1st amendment. } 14. He doesn't even seem aware that it exists. } 15. Doesn't know how many articles the constitution has. } 16. I don't think he's ever read the constitution. } 17. I don't think he's ever read a book. } 18. Not even The Very Hungry Caterpillar. } 19. I don't think he can even read. } 20. Not even a teleprompter. Because if he could he'd stay on topic }     more. } 21. He's consistently disrespectful to veterans. } 22. He's being sued for fraud. } 23. He says he has good relations with Vladimir Putin. } 24. He'd be happy to allow Russian imperialist expansion. } 25. He think "working very, very hard" counts as a sacrifice. } 26. He doesn't understand sacrifice. } 27. He doesn't understand how walls work. } 28. He doesn't understand how to be diplomatic. } 29. He doesn't understand his own plans, and keeps changing them. } 30. He doesn't understand women. } } I don't have any record on "how to understand women". I can help you } understand "wisteria", however: it's a purple-ish climbing plant, } related to peas. } } You owe the oracle 40 reasons to oppose Clinton, and an essay on how to } understand men.

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> Who was it that said "A journey of a thousand feet won't even take you > a mile, so why bother?"

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} Lao Tzu's younger brother Xing Ming. Tzu improved many of Ming's } works, which is why he is famous and Ming isn't. } } The wise man looks into space and sees space. } The snow goose need not bathe to make itself white, but  you're a mess. } When you are content to be yourself, nobody will notice. } Lie to the honest. Lie to the dishonest. Just lie. } Knowing others is wisdom, knowing yourself is not worth it. } When I let go of what I am, there just ain't much left. } A leader is best when he makes sure he is always the center of } attention. Loving someone deeply gives you the heebie-jeebies. } } You the Oracle the collected works of Chas. Franklin, Ernie Einstein, } Mike Thoreau or Donald Trump.

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> My dad complains about apathy, but I don't see why he's so upset about > it. I mean, who cares?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} Well I certainly think the Society on World Human Apathy Truncation } does! } } Here, let me get you their website URL.... } Huh, just a placeholder.  I guess they are still working on it. } } Okay, lets find the Facebook page.  Every organization has a Facebook } page. Oh dear, nothing yet. } } Twitter handle then.  You have Twitter, right?  Let see.. } Oh, no tweets. And the avatar is still an egg.  Must be working on that } along with the website.  Consistent marketing and all that. } } Let me call then.  I will have them contact you. } Went to voicemail.  Message was the default one. } } Anyway, I am sure they will get right back to you. } } You owe the Oracle a whit.

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> This question is > > Oh, sorry about that. It is both a question and not-a-question at the > same time and in the same way. > > This question is not > > Ugh. I seem to have gotten myself stuck? Ughh?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} Yes, you are indeed stuck. } } I guess what you REALLY want to know is what happened at the party } last night, and why you woke up hogtied with your feet inside a big } block of concrete. } } Let's just say that the Oracle don't fancy supplicants flirting to } much with Lisa. } } You owe the Oracle a wheelbarrow, you are way to heavy to carry down } to the dock.

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> I know that ALL CAPS is shouting, but I want to shout LOUDER!!! Where > can I get a typographic magnaphone that will make my notes to you not > only be SHOUTED but overwhelmingly huge, like 144-point type. I have > some big questions to ask you and they don't fit in regular type like > this.

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} $ /usr/bin/figlet LIKE THIS? }  _     ___ _  _______   _____ _   _ ___ ____ ___ } | |   |_ _| |/ / ____| |_   _| | | |_ _/ ___|__ \ } | |    | || ' /|  _|     | | | |_| || |\___ \ / / } | |___ | || . \| |___    | | |  _  || | ___) |_| } |_____|___|_|\_\_____|   |_| |_| |_|___|____/(_) } } (If you're not using a monospaced font, you are a terrible supplicant)

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> I really enjoy reading on this website, it holds great articles. Don't > put too fine a point to your wit for fear it should get blunted. by > Miguel de Cervantes. fbakefkkegddfecb

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} Thanks, Mike, for your kind remarks on this, the 400th anniversary of } your death. } } Keep reading--in addition to the great articles, you'll find many } excellent prepositions. } } In exchange for your sage advice, I give you this in return: "Don't let } your cat walk on your keyboard."

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> I was trying to understand the singular of the word kudos which > looks plural but maybe isn't, like there maybe isn't one > lonesome kudo, and my dad said, "Trousers!" > > I asked him to explain and he said they are an uncommon noun, singular > at the top and plural at the bottom. > > Please give me three other silly grammatical gems. I can't let Dad > win this one.

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} Hippopotamus->Hippopotami } Octopus->Octopi } Platypus->Platypi } Ignoramus->Ignorami } Virus->Viri } Emus->Emi } Thus->thi } Plus->Pli } Bus->Bi } Pus->Pi } Us->I

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> How would YOU feel if it turned out your husband was really a one-eyed > green alien split throughout time whose exploding rocket had been the > catalyst for life on Earth?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} Just when you thought this election couldn't get any weirder.

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> Please tell me about King Author. I need something I won't find on the > Innernet so I don't get told again I have plaggerized from > Wikkipeedia. Again. > > Oh and I truned of the spell correcter today because it said > everything was wrong. But you are a Wise Oracle and can unnerstand > anyways.

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} King Author is a legendary almost-King of England. His short, if } entertaining, duel with King Arthur is the origin of the saying not to } bring a feather to a sword fight.

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> In my country we all clowns and all talk funny. All the letters are > pronounced different. > > Here is your alphabet: > > ABCDEFGHIJKLMNOPQRSTUVWXYZ > > Here is mine: > > NOPQRSTUVWXYZABCDEFGHIJKLM > > Fb urer vf gur erfg bs zl dhrfgvba, va zl bja pybja nycunorg. Jul qb > pybjaf fzryy shaal?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} Gur Benpyr, univat frra guvf xvaq bs dhrfgvba orsber, fnlf vg fgvaxf. } } Lbh bjr gur Benpyr n Pybja Sbezng gb ercynpr gur ZVZR sbezng V bsgra } frr.