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28 Jun 2017 home : about : create : digests : bestofs : specials : priests 3:51:03 GMT

Internet Oracularities #1567

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1567, 1567-01, 1567-02, 1567-03, 1567-04, 1567-05, 1567-06, 1567-07, 1567-08, 1567-09, 1567-10


Internet Oracularities #1567    (20 votes, 3.2 mean)
Compiled-By: steve@kinzler.com (Steve Kinzler)
Date: Wed, 05 Oct 2016 10:32:01 -0500 (EST)

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Let us know what you like!  Send your ratings of these 10 Oracularities
on an integer scale of 1 ("very bad") to 5 ("very good") with the volume
number to vote@internetoracle.org (probably just reply to this message).
For example:
   1567
   2 1 3 4 3   5 3 3 4 1

1567  20 votes 16553 11783 73541 14672 2b322 15a22 06176 13862 03737 042a4
1567  3.2 mean  3.1   3.5   2.5   3.2   2.5   3.0   3.6   3.2   3.7   3.7


1567-01    (16553 dist, 3.1 mean)
Selected-By: twchew <twchew@mindspring.com>

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> why is your air-condition leaking water and not cooling the room?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} Actual technical answer, not particularly silly.
}
} If the AC unit for a room is undersized then it will run
} continuously instead of cycling on and off. The result is an
} ice buildup in the coils where room air is supposed to pass
} through.
}
} Similarly, if the unit is partially worn out, it will act as if it
} were undersized.
}
} The correct solution is to buy a brand new AC unit of the proper
} rating.  Then open the window and toss the old unit out. The
} resounding crash (and before that the terrified screams from
} those targeted) will be ample repayment for the effort. The
} improved cooling from the new unit is merely an added bonus.
}
} You owe the Oracle one of Gary Larson's pianos.


1567-02    (11783 dist, 3.5 mean)
Selected-By: Christophe <xof@chanticleer.com>

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> Excellent but sometimes mostly useless Oracle, I have a difficulty
> with which you can help me out of. I have been using Linux in
> command-line mode since before the beginning and so I am an expert.
> But now my stupid boss (see "Stupid Boss" remarks in a previous
> question I might have asked you several years ago) wants me to use MS
> Windows 10. He thinks I can tell him what to do with it, and I am so
> tempted. I am so, very, very, very tempted.
>
> Where should I tell my boss to put his Windows 10? I really do not
> want to injure him or render him (physically or mentally) unable to
> pay me the handsome salary I get every week for doing almost nothing.
> (Mostly I do "df -h" about twice a day and let him know if he needs to
> buy more disk space. Yes, I could write a cron job that would do that,
> but he might catch on and redundiate me.)

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} It is generally considered good practice to put Windows into a separate
} partition from your Linux installation. To do this, follow these simple
} steps:
}
} 1. Use gparted or fdisk to create the various partitions used for
}    Linux, such as /, /home, /usr and your swap.
} 2. Install Linux, configure it fully and connect it to the internet
} 3. Use your working Linux machine to order steel plates, a chain, a
}    lock and a laptop
} 4. Wall off a section of the office with the steel plates and make the
}    chain and lock ready to lock it. Place the laptop and the Windows 10
}    CD in it
} 5. Lure your boss into the office partition by setting up a meeting for
}    "Introduction to Value Driven Development Practices"
} 6. Lock him into the partition and let him install Windows 10. Or,
}    whatever.
}
} You have now doubled your company's productivity with the help of
} Windows 10. Proceed to ask for a raise that you will not get.
}
} You owe the Oracle to put in a good word with "Bob".


1567-03    (73541 dist, 2.5 mean)
Selected-By: Christophe <xof@chanticleer.com>

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> I am trying to study the birds, and have stumbled upon the Bleary-Eyed
> Cheerio, a bird heretofore totally unknown except to the few who know
> of it. Apparently it's amphithetically the opposite of both the
> Evening Grosbeak and the Morning Drove.
>
> Please provide your opinion, no matter how invaluable or worthless.

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} I think these questions are for the birds.
}
} You owe the Oracle $20.


1567-04    (14672 dist, 3.2 mean)
Selected-By: Christophe <xof@chanticleer.com>

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> It's a slow news day here at the Branville Methodist Sun-Times
> Reporter Star. I'm the editor, as well as the only reporter, and I
> also sweep the floor and shoot the huge rats that try to eat the
> wiring for our computers.
>
> I'm about to fire my gun out the window and write a story with the
> headline GUNSHOTS HEARD ON MAIN STREET.
>
> Do you have any better suggestions? What else should happen here in
> Branville?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} Oh my god!  Those are not rats!  They are wood...
}
} *ZOT!* *ZOT!* *ZOTZOTZOT!*
}
} Oh well.  At least your competition will have a story about the
} mysterious evaporation of the Branville Methodist Sun-Times Reporter
} Star.


1567-05    (2b322 dist, 2.5 mean)
Selected-By: Christophe <xof@chanticleer.com>

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> You wouldn't believe how long I've waited for an answer. Or maybe you
> would.
>
> Anyway?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} Your answer is: "Serves six."
}
} You owe the Oracle a chance to be one of those six.


1567-06    (15a22 dist, 3.0 mean)
Selected-By: Rich <mvsopen@gmail.com>

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> My next project is to remove this stamp without tearing it. You think I
> can pull it off?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} You can do it. Just give it some steam.


1567-07    (06176 dist, 3.6 mean)
Selected-By: Christophe <xof@chanticleer.com>

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> Ha! Gotcha! Whatcha got to say for yourself!

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} OK, so maybe a Pokemon costume weren't such a good idea after all.


1567-08    (13862 dist, 3.2 mean)
Selected-By: twchew <twchew@mindspring.com>

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> I wish I had a body like hers! (Not to replace mine, of course; that's
> silly.)

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} Hey! Long time no see, Frankenstein!


1567-09    (03737 dist, 3.7 mean)
Selected-By: MVS Gmail <mvsopen@gmail.com>

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> My teacher says I am wrong but I want to be right. She says, "Even if
> ten people agreed with you, you would still be wrong."
>
> So what I need is a hundred people to agree with me.
>
> You know lots of people. Like thousands. They write supplications to
> you all the time.
>
> Please send me 100 agreeable people. Better make that 200 just in
> case.

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} Sorry, Mr. Trump. I can't do that.


1567-10    (042a4 dist, 3.7 mean)
Selected-By: Mark Lawrence <mtlrph@gmail.com>

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> Someone is tryign to get me baned because of my bad spelling. It is my
> privillege to spell as I want to. Please ingore me if you can't
> understad me.

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} "Frankly autocorrect, I'm getting a bit tired of your shirt."


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