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The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> Why do the French call enamel "email"? It is excessively confusing. > Email is what I am using to send you this question, and it > is certainly NOT enamel.

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} That's actually the origin of the term "email". } Originally, messages over the internet were sent via the chattering } of teeth to generate 1s and 0s.

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> A supplicant once asked a question > To do with hypnotic regression > The Oracle replied > With advice that implied

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} "You think this will rhyme, but it won't."

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> Nerves of solid rubber, quiet as a brass band, I sneak into the > Oracle's private airport to borrow his jet plane. The ensuing disaster > is going to be one helluva grovel. > > The jet's not there! What shall I do? > > Ha! Steal the helicopter. > > Lucky I saw that video, "How To Fly A Plane." It was about the Piper > Cub, but there can't be that much difference. > > Start the engine. Main rotor spinning. Woppa woppa woppa. Tail rotor > spinning. Guinea, Guinea, Guinea, Guinea, Guinea. > > Thousands of Italians tweeting at me, complaining about insults. > > Anyway, that's how I'm grovelling today. > > Pull this lever to go up, maybe. > > Oops. > > Fortunately I can swim. > > What is today's answer?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} The Oracle dumps out a bucket of dice. You can't see how many there } are, but a lot. And all covered in pictures. } } "Ahem, the augury of the bones shall now be read!" intones Zadoc in } his squeaky voice. } } The Oracle begins picking up dice seemingly at random and rattles off: } "A sea turtle wearing a bikini top eating a chicken drum stick will } parachute into a pirate's chest containing a martini glass and an } umbrella. A telephone call for death incarnate about basketball. A } kitten on a rocking chair dreams of flamingos flying a spaceship. } Dynamite!" Then with a sweep of his arm the rest of the dice are } returned to the bucket. } } Zadoc scratches his chin for a little bit. Then the pimple pops and } he stops. "Okay, so like the Oracle has Spoken. It seems perfectly } clear to me the message is about a poorly dressed guy swimming outside } the Temple, but he is a drunk guy who doesn't like to get wet. Thus } Death will be 'dunking' him soon. The form of demise is poorly aimed } model rocket which knocks a drone out of the sky and then the lithium } batteries exploded on impact with the swimmer." } } Zadoc collects your wallet and hands you a reciept that says in big } friendly letters: } }                    NO REFUNDS }                   NO EXCHANGES

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> I was asking you about borons and why people always walk away when I > start asking questions, especially about borons. You walked away > instead of answering. That wasn't very good of you. > > Apparently I complain about allot of things. My dad says I always am > complaining and I told him I don't like to listen to his complaints > neither. > > Did you know that nobody understands borons, mostly? In nucular > physics there are leptons (which everybody studies) and kleptons > (which I stole from Charlie McNamuss who was sitting next to me in the > exam). > > I think that Charlie wrote kleptons because he knew I was gonna copy > his paper. I hate it when people do things like that! Anyway I flunked > the exam and the Professor said I should take physics for poets > because it is taught from a biology text about frogs, over in the > criminal science department by a music instructor. But that guy, Mr. > Phlubert, but everybody calls him Mr. Flute-o-phone, says there is no > such thing as borons, so he is no help. He won't even let me write a > poem about borons, not even the poem I stole from Suziey Magpie last > seamster. > > Nobody wants to help me stop complaining, neither. How did you manage > to stop?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} Oh, supplicant. Supplicant, supplicant, supplicant. There are so many, } many wonderful ways to stop you from complaining. I'll just need you } to sign this waiver first... and this insurance policy... and, waste } not want not, this organ-donor card. } } "But," you're complaining (see!) now, "you're talking about killing me!" } } Well, yes, supplicant. That's how we'll stop you complaining. } } "But but but but," you continue to complain (sigh), "I technically } didn't ask how *I* could stop complaining, I asked how *you* do it!" } } Well, supplicant, my dear dear supplicant, it's surprising how many of } life's minor complaints softly vanish away when you're willing and } able to kill every single one of the motherfuckers involved with no } repercussions. } } You don't owe the Oracle anything, honestly. Your satisfaction is all } that matters. } } I'd hate to think you might have any complaints.

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> Well, it was all very simple each of us, five in our entire Modern > Shakespeare class, were to take one of the plays and analyze it. The > others got easy ones, like Hamlet or King Leer. > > I got Troilus and Cressida. It's a godddam "problem" play because > nobody can tell if it's s'posed to be sad or funny. > > Worse, I spelled it Trellis and Creosote in my paper because I > misbelieved stuff from my bootleg copy of MS Word. I should never have > let my so-called friend Snarky near my computer at all. You would > think I'd know by now not to trust anyone names Snarky, especially > Snarky himself. I wonder what other garbage he installed. > > Anyway, my problem is how to get my grade of F exchanged with all the > others. Every one of them got an A grade. My F sort of upsets the > applesauce. > > What would you do? I at least want the other students to get my grade. > I really want to give an F.

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} Clearly your instructor has not thought through the clear implications } of titling a course "Modern Shakespeare". One cannot take the old, } unembellished, and quite frankly *pre*-modern language of the Bard and } present it as *modern* without a substantial rewrite. This is how we } get "Forbidden Planet" from "The Tempest"; "The Lion King" from } "Hamlet"; and "10 Things I Hate About You" from "The Taming of the } Shrew". } } The standard modern reinterpretation of "Troilus and Cressida" is } "What would have happened to Romeo and Juliet if they lived?" but } yours is an intriguingly different take. Rather than the Pythonesque } Ms Creosote character, I suggest going to the tragic not Snarky end of } the spectrum and resubmitting. If your reframe it in terms of the } Second Gulf War, you can cast aspersions of your instructor being } unpatriotic and point to the current political climate as the wrong } time to be questioning if America is Great. With that career blackmail } threat, you should be able to weasel your way up to at least a B. } } You owe the Oracle an adaption of "King Lear" with the Trump family } substituted in.

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> Oh illustrious Oracle: > The Byzantine empire ended in the 15h century. Do the "Modern Greek > Studies" start around that epoch? Aka "How modern are Modern Greek > Studies"? > > Also, why should I care?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} From what I remember of my college days, "Modern Greek Studies" } involved a lot of red plastic cups and regret.

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> On March the 12pth are we losing an hour, or gaining a timezone?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} Just setting the hour aside so it can get a nice nap for a few months.

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> Sorry. Correction to previous question. "Condom" should be "condemn." > Please supply revised answer. > > Also please confiscate and destroy my voice-to-text phone ap.

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} "I'm rubber, you're glue" remains the correct answer to your ambiguous } question regarding the damaged carpentry. } } You owe the Oracle an insurance premium.

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> I just killed someone. How do we make this into a good murder mystery?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} We are treading dangerously close to the partially forbidden questions } about how an Omniscient Oracle (like me) can forget something so } he can then be surprised by it later. Or asking for the list of the } things that the Oracle doesn't know. } } Here's what you must do. } } ((1)) Go and un-kill your victim. (Be careful to effect an actual } unkilling so you don't introduce hidden zombies into the plot.) } } ((2)) Get a job as the victim's butler. } } ((3]) Make everyone except one crucial but obscure relative forget } your evil past. } } ((4)) Allow the obscure relative to become paranoid but with good } reason. } } ([5)) Put the paranoid (necessarily afraid of hidden zombies) in } charge of the rest of the plot. } } You owe the Oracle an escape plan.

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> Atheists don't believe in God. What do they believe?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} Oracles.