} The works of Francis Roger Bacon include a sonnet "Opus Maius",
} addressed to his cat, a treatise "Novum Organum", mostly concerned
} with the need for more roomy trousers, and a demonstration that the
} world is entirely covered by dry land, contradicted by the explorer
} Columbo who, on setting sail on what Bacon had proved was not water,
} with the famous words, "Just one more thing".
} Bacon, also known by his official title of Earl of Lettuce, Tomato,
} and Sandwich, had varied interests. He studied Law, Alchemy, and
} Linguistics, and came up with the theory that if you talk about
} anything for long enough, the judge will fall asleep and you will get
} lots of gold in legal fees.
} His personal life is shrouded in mystery, although rumours that he was
} gay are confounded by his close reliance on the works of Grosseteste
} (or, "ugly scrotum").
} F.R. "Fryer" Bacon died in 1532, most probably as the result of trying
} to stuff a fowl with gunpowder, whereupon it exploded, ironically
} singeing the final pages of his "History of Life and Death".
} You owe the Oracle the biography of Captain James Robert Hooke, who
} demonstrated that a watch can be pulled back out of a crocodile if the
} chain has not reached its elastic limit.