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} You're right, even Oracles have to turn off their omniscience
} occasionally. How could I find "You've been framed" funny when I knew
} exactly what was going to go wrong?
}
} Actually, I don't find "You've Been Framed" funny even when I've
} turned off my omniscience. If I wanted to laugh at people getting hurt
} I'd ask Zadoc to fetch my supply of minced beef from the freezer
} compartment in the shark tank.
}
} Anyway, last Tuesday, or was it last Tuesday, I'd finished a day of
} answering supplicants' questions, turned off my omniscience, and was
} settling down to watch the remake of Groundhog Day 2, when Lisa came
} to ask me a question. I immediately told her that I hadn't seen her
} lipstick since I'd suggested that Zadoc's attempts to improve his
} musical range by strangling a succession of cats in increasingly
} larger showers were as likely to succeed as putting lipstick on a pig.
} That evening, I'd been presented with a plate of vegan cheese and
} chick-pea couscous instead of my usual sausage and mash, and startled
} grunts and oinks were to be heard from the basement.
}
} Anyway, it turned out that lipstick was the least of Lisa's problems,
} as Kendai had been trying to make himself omniscient by taking all the
} labels off the tins in the kitchen cupboard and predicting what was in
} each of them by licking them. Lisa was annoyed that Kendai had served
} up fruit salad and cat food for dinner, followed by soup and
} alphabetti spaghetti for dessert.
}
} So, Lisa asked me if I could prepare dinner instead. I told her that
} would be rather difficult as I couldn't remember my
} Lidl/Sainsbury's/Waitrose online shopping password (delete as
} applicable, depending on what class you think the Oracle is), and
} neither Alexa nor Siri were talking to me since I'd installed Cortana
} on our fridge. Cortana wasn't talking to me because I'd not installed
} the latest update.
}
} Eventually, however, we sorted everything out by making Kendai and
} Zadoc eat everything that didn't constitute some form of sensible
} meal.
}
} Anyway, that evening, I found a slightly deranged looking pig
} wandering about on the landing, wearing a tutu and covered in lipstick
} from neck to toe. Zadoc swore blind that he didn't know where the pig
} could have come from. Lisa had to explain to him about the facts of
} life, and what happens when a mummy pig and a daddy pig love each
} other very much. Strange whimpering sounds can now be heard from
} Zadoc's bathroom, and I don't think it's the cats.
}
} Sorry, what was the question again?
}
} You owe the Oracle a reminder of why he tied a knot in his
} handkerchief this morning, and the notepad he keeps by his bedside. I
} think it has the Oracular omniscience control sequence on it.
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