} Shhhhhh; keep your voice down. Do you *want* to start another
} diplomatic incident?
} What do you mean, 'what's this got to do with diplomacy'? Don't you
} have *any* idea the problems we faced last time someone tried to
} change the days of the week?
} Clearly you don't. It might make things clearer if I send you a
} transcript of what happened...
} * BEGINS *
} Supreme Overlord Of Time and Years: OK, simmer down. I call to order
} this meeting of all known European gods to decide who gets naming
} privileges for the days of the week. First, apologies for absence?
} Clerk: Only from Yahweh. He's stuck on a mountain in Sinai, apparently.
} SOOTY: Thank Pete for that. As you know, there are only seven days to
} go around, and there's 127 of you, so some of you are going to be
} disappointed. First up, 'Sunday'. I think we all agree that until the
} humans start harnessing Sagittarius for power, nothing will beat the
} Concordia: Isn't Yahweh going to be a bit annoyed about that? I mean,
} the whole 'resurrection on the first day' thing, means he thinks he
} has a claim on it.
} SOOTY: Yeah, well, he should have made the effort to be here. Look, if
} it helps, we can pretend we wanted to call it "Son" day after Jason,
} or whatever his name is, but Clerk here misheard and spelt it Sun.
} Sorry to drop you in it, Clerk.
} Clerk: Not a problem, your honour.
} SOOTY: Right, next up, Moon. No, that wasn't an instruction Bacchus;
} pull your trousers back up. Any objections? No, let's move on. Two
} contenders for the next one. Mars and Tyr.
} Mars: Tyr and I have sorted this one out. We had a duel and he won
} single handedly. Well he couldn't do much else, could he? Sorry, Tyr,
} just a joke.
} Tyr: So, everyone north of Denmark will call it Tyr's day, and
} everyone south will call it Mars Day.
} SOOTY: Thank you; nice to see some collaboration on this. Next up, day
} 4? Two contenders again. Odin, you speak first.
} Odin: Thank you. I think that this whole meeting has become too
} Roman-centric. The northerners have not been listened to, and you're
} all just a bunch of overpaid, unelected gods who don't understand the
} local concerns of hard-working northerners.
} * Collective groans; and mutterings *
} SOOTY: Order, order. Will you all SHUT UP! Priapus, if you have
} something to say, stand up and say it. Janus, turn around, I don't
} want to see the back of your head. Cloacina, stop talking
} you-know-what. Can we hear from Mercury?
} Mercury: Yes, I would be happy to concede naming to Odin for the
} north, but I think that the south should not be held to ransom by such
} a small part of the Roman Empire.
} SOOTY: OK, we'll put it to the vote. In favour of Mercury's proposal?
} Thank you? Against?
} Clerk: I make that 52% in favour of Mercury, and 48% against.
} SOOTY: OK, Mercury wins. So that's Merc's day in the south and Odin's
} day in the north. Day five?
} * Loud rumblings are heard *
} SOOTY: Yes, Robigo, it's nearly lunchtime. Oh sorry, that was Thor and
} Jupiter having a little scrap, was it? Since we don't have time to
} wait for one of them to surrender, let's split it as before.
} Clerk: Point of order; we don't seem to have fulfilled our diversity
} quota. Four days out of five so far have gone to male deities.
} SOOTY: Oh, Frigg it. Sorry, she prefers Freya these days. Any other
} contenders? Sit down Juno, you've got a whole month. At the moment,
} anyway. Naenia, stop crying. Right, Freya it is.
} SOOTY: OK, one left. It's nearly lunchtime, so we'll make this quick.
} Someone wake up Somnus, would they? I think Suadela managed to get a
} consensus on this one earlier, so we'll go with Saturn, shall we?
} Clerk: That's unanimous.
} * Shouts are heard as Thor and Jupiter re-enter the chamber, still
} brawling. They accidentally push into Pax, who thumps Thor over the
} head. Meanwhile, Averruncus anoints Jupiter with something
} unmentionable from Sterquilinus's bag. The whole chamber descends into
} chaos. *
} * ENDS *
} You owe the Oracle a good excuse not to have to go to the meeting on
} naming months.