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The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> !!! The Oracle's question queue is getting rather full.  Help speed > !!! things up for everyone and do askme's instead of tellme's. > > The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. > Your question was: > > > > > And in response, thus spake the Oracle: > > } You know, Mr. /dev/null, you could liven up your questions if you > } were to borrow them from /nev/dull instead.

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} Wow! Or maybe Mom! (We are answering from Australia today, even though } we are in a cave in what used to be Greece. Today more like grease.) } Sort of umop episdn we are right now. } } To send a question you should be exercising your own brain, not } plagiarizing from someone else's. But you knew that already, you } blinking idiot. } } On the other hand, if you were not an idiot you would have no need of } my advice. } } Here's what to do. Start with the ancient writers, from back around 800 } BC or before, when hardly anyone knew how to write but some composed } poetry instead. They (mostly Homer) (but there were others) wrote, or } rather didn't write, about Greek Gods and Greek Oracles. So you had } best be learning Ancient Greek. } } As you should have already known, Ancient Greek is exactly like Modern } Greek except when it is different. Same letters. Alpher, Bethe, Gamow. } Tappa Keg. That sort of stuff. Enough for you to use in calculating } brand new questions I almost never heard before. } } You owe the Oracle a question that'll make him fall off his perch.

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> Once again I asked the wrong question, so you in your nearly infinite > wisdom gave me a wrong answer. It was supposed to be about the Planet > Boron. But I asked you about the Boston Borons hockey team. Any fool > knows they are the Bruins. > > Why did you even mention the Phobodelphia Beagles?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} In case you were Snooping around.

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> Congratulations, I guess. You have located a persistent incarnation who > never fails to avoid answering with your chosen words, but instead > reflects the supplicant's question intact, without any comment > whatever. Dozens of them. > > Why do you allow this unwholesome monstrosity to clog your stream of > thought?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} Sometimes it works.

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> Anyways, my teacher says there is no plural adverbs an I tell him hes > wrong. Its a grammer thing. Now you tell me

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} One moment while I check the hourlies.

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> Einstein had a comical constant but he thought it was a blunder and he > never. It would have perdicted invisible energy that you can't detect. > > All this physical stuff and math makes my head hurt. > > Please give me a answer that feels good or at least is delicious. I am > tried of people telling me whats good for me. It makes my head hurt.

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} Albert Einstein } Having drunk more than ein stein } Invented a theory of gravity } Oh! The depravity } } What Bertie left out } quantum phys leaves us doubt } Until things are done } You should have all your fun } } Eating cakes and meringues } when the scholarly harangues } say that bosons exist } or ethereal mist } } Have a candy, a beer } and enjoy yourself dear } The whole lot will collapse.... } } Sooner or later.

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> "Make Money Fast" the ad said. > > That word "fast" can have so very many meanings. > > 1. Stick in one place, as in Hold Fast. > > 2. Able to move quickly. I have a fast car. > > 3. Moving quickly. My car is going very fast. > > 4. Not eating. I am going to fast for a week. > > 5. Swiftly, starting right now. > > I thought that I was getting example 5, above. Instead I got 3, and my > money's draining away very fast. > > How can I make the tiny amount of my money that remains fast as in > number 1, above? Tying it up with ropes sounds difficult.

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} I think you have misunderstood the basic economic concept of money. } Money is an extremely abstract thing and so it can only be assessed as } a token of value when traded. So in that sense,  money can only ever } have value when moving, although it need not move fast. } } You can anchor your money to some kind of fixed asset, these are often } called securities for that reason. Most securities are offered by } governments and large institutions. However, because they like spending } your money fast, as you have discovered, they are not so secure as you } imagine. } } Similarly, governments amd central banks like to starve you of money } through taxation or by reducing the money supply, this makes your money } very lean, which is why we say governments make money fast. } } What you obviously need is a secure fastener for your money. An elastic } band works quite well, or a money clip, although I must warn you that } coin clipping is illegal in most jurisdictions, so it only works for } banknotes. And since a banknote is essentially just a promissory note } written by the bank (that the bank owes you money), it may still not be } as secure as it seems. } } What you really need to do is invest your money in someting unchanging, } that has been around a long time, makes reliable forecasts and gives } quick returns. In short, me. } } You owe the Oracle all your savings.

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> Oh Oracle, perrenial saviour > Could you please do me a favour > Leccy's short I need a euro > Franc or quid they all will fit > A deutchmark or a double bit > Just send a coin to feed the meter > And make my life a bit completer

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} Money requests categorical } Are hereby denied by the Oracle. } Go find your own loot. } I'm using my boot } To kick you way back prehistorical.

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> I just had a brilliant idea for something that'll make me, I mean make > US, a lot of money. But I forgot what it was. > > So please remind me. And I didn't quite get all the details when I had > the idea, so fill them all in, because I don't want to be stuck with a > brilliant idea that I can't implement. Like the time you told me to > collect rocks and sell them to idiots. I still have all those rocks.

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} The combined confessional and photo booth. For three "Hail Mary's" and } four Euros you are absolved of your sins and get, a short time later, } some pictures of yourself looking suitably innocent and guiltless. } Ideal for passports, driving licences, and so on. } } You owe the Oracle a golden share.

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> I know I asked you about this before, but Physics is Hard! I need to > understand the Coriolanus Force for my Modern Shakespeare class. > Please this time give me an explanation that takes into account your > immense wisdom compared to my yawning stupidity.

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} Now child I beseech you, I don't want to preach you } iambic pentameter, leonine style } I could make a verse but you might be averse } To my cryptic, syllabic old rile } } You'll have heard that old Will would, with his quiill } Write most of his verse in pentameter } But would vary his style - certain comics awhile } Are just written in hex or tetrameter } } So the Bard's not a cert, you new physics pervert } To demand of the long dead a a pass } For your coming exam, He would say, Why, I am dam } n'ed, now go stick it up your own. Ask: } } If you will, I will tell you that Coriolanus } is quite much maligned, an extent that is heinous } A good chap he was though old will painted dark } And that is why now right today this malar- } } ey of force on the oceans, and plugholes and hence } Is not worth a forint, a rupee or pence. All rumour you see've } if youve wisdom as me. I rest for a moment. I am getting tense. } } The force that you seek is established but weak } It is most equatorial, not near the poles. In teacups and basins } it's outweighed by raisins, and reasons, and russians, and I cannot } speak. } } Its force is quite negligible let it be said. } Get that in your noggin, your grey mater, head. } Repulsive, she tells me, I'm not on the course } Oh. Lisa has just now served me a divorce. } } You owe the Oracle a good lawyer.

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> Please elucidate the theory behind the deception involved in the > Appollo Moon Fake where the astronautes went to the sun but we were > told they all went to the moon. Oh, and because they landed on the sun > at night, how could they see? Nobody had invented LED eyeglasses back > then.

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} You see, the fakery started in the very name "astronaut", meaning "star } navigator". Patently, astronauts (not lunarnauts, you notice) were } headed for a star. Now if you happen to cast your eyes, sunglasses or } not, around the heavens to pick a star to travel to, the Sun is the } closest, by quite a margin, and is a fairly big target. } } The deception OF the astronauts was fairly simple. The missions were } all set around eclipses, so that the moon would seem, at take-off, to } be in the direct line of sight and so it was quite reasonable for them } to surmise they were heading for the moon. Of course, after a couple of } days' travel, the moon had moved around a bit and voila, the sun, bang } on target as it had been all along. } } The question of landing at night, you have put the cart before the } horse. During the day the sun gets very hot - some sources such as my } Boy's Book of The Solar System say at the surface, 4000 degrees } centigrade. Obviously this is way above the melting temperature of any } metal, and composite materials had not been invented back in the 60s, } so they had to land at night to make sure the spaceship didn't just } melt in the heat. What you don't know - it's a bit of a cover up - is } actually the Sun is only hot and bright on the side facing the Earth. } On the other side, it is rather dark and nice and cool, and that's } where they landed. Of course, because of radio interference from the } corona and penumbra they could not send back any live pictures from the } dark side of the Sun, this is known as a "radio blackout", and they did } take some photographs but unfortunately, on their return to the bright } side of the Sun, one of the astronauts dropped the film out of the } camera and in the fierce light of the sun it got completely } overdeveloped and there is not much to see except a fingerprint, which } is believed to be that of... } } No I better not say. It's still all a bit hush-hush. } } Their illumination was provided by a couple of old car headlamps and a } twelve volt battery. Not everything has to be sooper dooper hi tech you } know. } } Suffice to say, we now know that the Sun definitely exists, so it was } worth all of those billions of dollars to find that out, wasn't it? } } You owe the Oracle a better explanation.