} Like many things in life, there is a simple explanation.
} You've encountered several adherents of the little-known Flat Moon
} Theory (FMT). This is the theory that pretty much everything in the
} solar system is round - sun, planets, other moons, potatoes. Except
} for our moon, which is flat.
} Like the other well known flat celestial body theory, this requires
} quite some mental gymnastics to make simple observations fit the
} theory. Rather like trying to fit the entire cast, including extras,
} of Ben Hur on a single Twister mat. In costume.
} First, the phases of the moon. In conventional physics, this is
} explained by a spherical moon being at different angles to the sun and
} therefore only part of the moon being illuminated. In FMT, this is
} explained by a man whose job is to paint the moon silver. However,
} dust and other matter acquired by the moon as he busily moves from one
} side to the other eventually causes the nice shiny silver-painted moon
} to return to a dark colour. Whereupon he has to start all over again.
} There is also the matter of craters on the moon. According to
} conventional physics, these are the result of impacts from asteroids
} attracted by the moon's gravity. According to FMT, the moon depicts
} the face of the man in the moon, or should we say acne-suffering
} teenager in the moon. FMT adherents claim that they have taken
} photographs of puss seeping from craters, using Nikon P900 cameras
} with lenses that have never been cleaned. And you do NOT want to know
} what they had been doing with their fingers before they touched the
} What prompted FMT was the observation that we always see only one side
} of the moon. Flat Moon Theory believers such as your teacher and
} pastor believe that only a flat moon could possibly show only one face
} to the earth all the time. They dismiss the conventional physics
} explanation of tidal locking as 'laughable' and in fact just saying
} 'tidal locking' will reduce FMT conferences to hilarity. They feel
} that laughter obviates the need for evidence, analysis, and
} references, and claim that science would progress faster by listing
} alternative hypotheses and discounting all of those that elicit
} giggles. In an attempt to demonstrate this comedy science method, they
} have used it to establish that inserting rusty nails into the urethra
} will be an effective vaccine for covid-19, as not a single person
} shown that hypothesis laughed.
} FMT proponents claim that the dark side of the moon is actually a
} green and pleasant place, always fully lit with warm sun even when the
} sun is not shining on it. Claiming that Doris Wishman's 1961 film
} 'Nude on the Moon' is an actual documentary by NASA that was called
} fiction to discredit it after it accidentally leaked. They're working
} on an explanation of how the dark side of the moon is lit when the sun
} is blocked, which at present is the single word: 'perspective'.
} FMT adherents claim that there has been a conspiracy among scientists
} to deny the clear reality of the moon's flatness, and that all school
} textbooks should be re-written to 'teach the controversy'. In this
} they are joined by creationists, believers that ears are alien
} creatures living in symbiosis with humans, those who claim that water
} is a myth, and rabbits who propose that all school biology textbooks
} should have at least one (preferably more) chapter dedicated to grass.
} There are those who claim that the growth in belief in Flat Moon
} Theory and other fringe ideas points to a failure in our educational
} systems and a growing opposition to 'experts'. Those people are right,
} but for some reason these days being right and being able to back up
} your claims with facts, evidence, and research is becoming something
} that we're supposed to be embarrassed about.
} You owe The Oracle fifteen billion litres of silver paint and seven
} billion litres of anti-acne cream. And, someone to do some odd jobs
} around the temple while Zadoc is otherwise occupied for a few million