} 1. Before the first examination, buy or otherwise acquire a large (100-
} 200 gallons) bottle of brandy or cognac. Before each examination,
} immerse the teaching assistant of the relevant course in the liquor,
} and set them alight.
} 2. Drop two tabs of LSD before each examination.
} 3. When the whale swims up to the glasnost, emit beams of radiation in
} standard Pascal which sort the input data.
} 4. Make sure that Yasser Arafat doesn't firebomb your table of
} integrals. The best way to do this is a short SNOBOL program. Don't
} use the "FRETURN" mechanism, though. Yasser's sure to have it
} 5. If Secretary of State James Baker shows up with a phaser and a
} shovel, dive very quickly under the place where the table used to be,
} even if it looks like a mantissa at the moment. Be careful not to
} disturb the nuclear warheads they keep there.
} 6. Be sure to bring some bowls and spoons, in case the exam papers are
} written on ice cream.
} 7. Bring a copy of the Bill of Rights, in case you somehow become an
} American citizen or a fried potato or something like that. Make sure
} that it satisfies all the requirements of data abstraction, code
} modulation, and big clouds of gas and dust.
} 8. Don't glitch on the whale. It has a bright spot on its surface,
} which you detect each time it spins.
} 9. *( -dng 14@ object # ajixi? Oh, the *$N spinning.
} 10. Interfe!$@ puslll N(( *$N.
} 11. On second thought, lay off the LSD.