} To he who scribes such painful words, let me relay unto thee my divine
} assurance that the future holds much of interest to thee, but not as
} thou seemst to desire.
} First, my friend, thou wilt be blessed with doctorates of great number,
} and thy credentials shall read, "Dr. --- ----, Professor of Underwater
} Tennis, Alcove-jumping, and Egg-scrambling, with a minor in female
} endearment and retributive contemplation."
} Secondly, thou wilst within one year become a gynecologist, and the
} women will no longer ignore you but, verily, verily, I say unto thee,
} they shall fight as do the pit bulls of Magladesh, and they shall slay
} each other in great number to approach thine humble office and to be the
} attention of thy services.
} After these events have transpired, 'o One Who Knows Not What the Hell
} He Will Be, thou shalt have thy youth among thee, and thy house will
} swarm with thine offspring, like the Great Sack of Balcutto, and they
} shall surround the like the Moths of Gerpoli. Thy spouse will be a
} woman of great insignificance, yea, like Aristapoi of Beelzuri, and she
} shall be forever indebted to thee, for reasons I darest not recount.
} May all of thy wishes, (except for the one about the goldfish, the
} hand-grenade, and swiss cheese), come true.
} You owe the Oracle a retelling of Babe Ruth's historectomy, and a
} lifetime supply of Vegamite.