} Oh sweet mother Albania! Land of champois wishes and caveat dreams!
} Tough Times has surely reared its ugly head and bitten Her on the ankle.
} No longer are the good old days when a hardworking man with a strong
} back can work a 16 hour day and bring home a good sized bar of soap to
} show for it. Wary travelers be strongly advised to memorize the
} following laws, bylaws, and general practices:
} DECREE #1 Going through the express line in a grocery store with nine
} or more food items SHALL BE PUNISHABLE BY DEATH. Surely a
} person living in such affluence is a criminal.
} DECREE #2 The hoarding of soap, beans, toilet paper, shoes, condoms,
} tennis rackets, dogs, microwave safe receptacles, cb radios,
} Judas Priest cd's, cheese, oil based paints, rubber lizards,
} wire hangers, dancing flowers, lint, mercedes benz, finger-
} nail clippings, paper, CRAY computers, insects, miniature
} busts of Liberace, boxes, gay rights slogans, rust, fire
} retardent pajamas, soap, or any other scarce articles SHALL
} BE PUNISHABLE BY DEATH.
} DECREE #3 All women ages 12+ shall wear a scarf wrapped around the
} head (as described in figure 18.3b) to demonstrate the
} modesty of all good Albanian women. Violations SHALL BE
} PUNISHED BY DEATH.
} DECREE #3 All women ages 12+ shall wear clothing to reflect modesty
} >Addendum< (see decree #3). This WILL INCLUDE coverage of breasts,
} buttocks, and the vagina in addtional to the head.
} DECREE #4 All groupings of 2 or more persons within 2 feet of each
} other will be considered an illegal assembly. To demon-
} strate the State's intolerance to subversive activity, the
} traitors SHALL BE PUNISHED BY DEATH.
} DECREE #5 The wearing of clothing for adornment and aesthetic
} interests demonstrates a misallignment of priorities. This
} person is a cancer in the body of the State and SHALL BE
} PUNISHED BY DEATH.
} DECREE #6 Washing shall be limited to once a month. Anyone caught in
} vioation of this strict guideline SHALL BE PUT TO DEATH for
} his excessive vanity, and failure to conserve a scarce
} article (see decree #2 regarding scarce articles).
} This primer should keep the non-Albanian head on the non-Albanian
} shoulders atleast for starters. Keep in mind, traveler, that you will
} be in a dynamic environment where rules can change at any time. Good
} You owe the Oracle a 16 year old Zestfully clean Albanian nymphette.