} You are very lucky to have such a wonderful mother! Your cat was
} knitted from a very special yarn, indeed. It was woven from the
} fleece of the Upper Athabascan Spring-Tailed Yak by seven armless
} Eskimo women. This will make the process much simpler.
} 1) Kill Sally Struthers. Set the body aside to ferment.
} 2) Form a pot large enough to contain your kitty out of red and white
} Play-Doh. Warning! Do not mix the colors together to form pink! It
} should have a red-and-white mottled look.
} 3) Melt twelve dozen regular condoms in a large bowl. Do not use
} condoms with spermicidal lubrication! (Magnums may be used, use nine
} dozen.) Glaze the Play-Doh pot with this solution. Bake at 208
} degrees Fahrenheit for 72 hours.
} 4) Gut Sally. Into her abdominal cavity, pour 2 gallons used film
} developer, 50 grams of hallucinogenic mushrooms, 4 18 oz. boxes Cap'n
} Crunch with Crunch Berries, 12 cups of espresso, and 16 live goldfish.
} Mix throughly and let steep for 37 hours.
} 5) Dump Sally mixture and knit kitty-cat into Play-Doh pot. Seal
} airtight with 106 layers of heavy-duty Saran-Wrap. Pack it in a large
} box and mail it to Saddam Hussein, Presidential Palace, Baghdad, Iraq.
} In a mere 6 weeks, you will receive your cute, furry, cuddly, white,
} 6-week-old Persian kitten.
} As you can see, fairies are not required. Fairy dust can, however,
} turn your kitten into a marmoset, if you're interested. If not, send
} those fairies packing!
} You owe The Oracle a pit bull and a starving child in Bangladesh.