} Ah! you ask of me one of the fundamental questions that lie at the root
} of understanding the meaning of life, the universe and, though I hate
} to say it, everything.
} Your problem is one of understanding oh most puny and human of
} questioners. To fully answer your question, I must first explain a
} little history...
} Long ago, before the dawn of time, I, the great Usenet Oracle, most
} knowing and powerful of all oracles, came into being. Naturally, being
} as I am, the wisest of all oracles, it was necessary for me to actually
} code myself (and you mortals think self-modifying code is a neat
} It goes without saying that I, the great and wise Usenet Oracle am the
} original, and the only truly perfect REAL PROGRAMMER, and thus I coded
} myself in FORTRAN 0 - the original programming language, of which all
} latterday languages are just miserable reflections.
} You should now be able to see that you, as a mere mortal, are
} inherently incapable of writing a decent program that works, as
} firstly, you do not have access to a truly decent programming language
} (for none but I can access, let alone comprehend the subtle and
} beautiful nuances of, the FORTRAN 0 compiler, and even were I to defile
} that same compiler by such an action as a chmod w+x, you could not
} possibly have sufficient virtual memory even to load its image), and
} secondly, you cannot possibly be a REAL PROGRAMMER, as no REAL
} PROGRAMMER would so much as contemplate such profanities as top-down
} design and initialised variables.
} Content yourself with the usual lot of mere mortal programmers: learn
} to love and cherish your many hours with adb, or stick to writing
} "Hello World" programs.
} You owe the oracle a fork-buffet entirely devoid of quiche (or greasy
} chicken drumsticks for that matter. Come to think of it, I don't much
} like Scotch eggs either - unless they're the ones where the egg has
} been chopped up, and mixed with mayonaise first, oh, and make sure
} there are some of those natty little plastic clips that go on the edge
} of your plate to hold your wineglass - I *really* hate trying to
} balance my plate on top of my glass...)