} Now, now, my son... you know unless there is a "Free Inside" banner on
} the box, there is nothing inside but the cereal. To get the woman,
} what you ned to do is buy a box of Kix with a free inside banner on the
} front, carefully cut it out, and then paste it on the back over the
} sexy woman. Then take this box back to the store, carefully and neatly
} insert it on the shelves, and go home. The next day, come back and
} purchase your box again. I know this means buying it twice.. do you
} think sexy young women come cheaply?
} When you get it home, you must eat all the cereal in a single sitting
} to prove that you have the proper... appetites to satisfy the s.y.w.
} When you are done with this, there will be a small object remaining in
} the bottom of the box. Now, you have two options here. You are going
} to need to mix this object with both household foods, and it will
} eventually become a proper young woman, so you want to either put it in
} a large dish or put it inside a night gown or something. Actually, I
} guess you coult put it inside the nightgown, and then put the nightgown
} on the dish... Why haven't I thought of that all the other times I've
} been asked this question? Hmm...
} Assuming you have the smail object inside some properly femininely
} piece of clothing and on a large dish, cover the object in sugar, and
} spice, and, oh, a little of everything nice you have in the house. You
} might want to include some melted butter, some honey, and perhaps some
} pins and needles, depending on how hot, sweet, and sharp you want her
} to be....
} Now, you know a watch pot never boils, and a watched woman never
} materializes, so go out of the room. As a matter of fact, you better
} get out of the house. Assuming you put in even one needle, she'll be
} smart enough to take care of herself, so don't worry about that. Go to
} the grocery store and restock all the crap that's now sitting in the
} dish. 'Cept the object. heh heh.
} What's that? While you're shopping, you see a sexy, young lady? She
} looks just like you envisioned the one on the box would look if she
} wasn't drawn by some really cheesy comic book artist? Well, now you're
} on the horns of a dilemma. That _might_ be your s.y.w., out shopping
} for all the stuff you used to make her... or it might be a real woman.
} You have to decide whether you can possibly handle two s.y.w., now....
} If you can't, just watch her walk by.. if she's the one you made,
} you'll meet her at home (by the way, I hope you didn't put the littler
} objects from the box of Kix in the mix... the kids won't work with the
} woman-mix. Not enough mud.) and if she's not, your s.y.w. will be at
} home waiting for you...
} If you can cope with two s.y.w., here's a simple way to make sure she
} comes home with you: Walk up to her with a box of Draino crystals in
} your hand, tap her on the shoulder, and say, "Excuse me. Do you know
} any chocolate-chip cookie recip--"
} I'M SORRY. ET&T (ETHEREAL TELEPHONE AND TELEGRAPH) REQUIRES ANOTHER
} $2.10 FOR THE NEXT THREE MINUTES OF ADVICE. PLEASE INSERT $2.10...
} Damn, I'm fresh out of change. Call me again when you have some more
} money, will you?
} The oracle incarnated as email@example.com (steve
} Thanks. I had fun with this one. :)