} You think I'm wierd? Boy, you've turned into a real fruitcake! I'm
} afraid there isn't much that can be done that isn't very very risky or
} expensive. My best advice to you is to move to California and try to
} adapt. If you' already live in California, then your behavior is to be
} expected and shouldn't cause you any embarassment... in fact, you'll
} fit right in.
} However, having said all that, if you REALLY want to try and reverse the
} ill effects of becoming PC (Politically correct) and want to become MAC
} (More Apathetically Correct), try the following things:
} (Note: Kids, don't try this at home)
} 1) Listen to Rush Limbaugh on talk radio every day for a month.
} Everytime he says something that you think is wrong (which, in your
} condition, should be almost continuously), jab yourself in the
} genital area with a cattle prod.
} 2) Go to an adult bookstore (not in your hometown, however), and buy
} out all their copies of Hustler, Penthouse, Oui, Cream, and Cherri.
} Paster all the pictures over your bedroom walls and ceiling. Say to
} yourself over and over that the models like this type of lifestyle
} and nobody is hurt by pornography.
} 3) Dye your entire wardrobe cammoflauge and join the NRA. Buy a large
} rifle and shoot anything in your neighborhood with four legs (or two
} legs that are on skateboards).
} 4) Buy only products with wasteful packing practices and (grit your
} teeth on this one) throw all your aluminum cans in the trash. Same
} thing with plastics and newspapers. Also, make sure to overwater
} your lawn and leave the faucet running when you brush your teeth.
} 5) Buy a car that gets at least 30 GPM (gallons per mile) and run over
} your 12 speed with it. Make sure to bypass any sort of emission
} control systems that come with it.
} 6) Go to your local version of the "Hungry Heifer" and order a big fat
} juicy Ribeye steak, with a large baked potato (sour cream and
} 7) Go picketing against your local chapter of the Sierra Club, shouting
} slogans like "Just Say No to Recycling" and "Hunting Is Fun".
} If you live thru all these events, after a few months you'll find
} yourself a social outcast but you will have regained your normal
} thinking patterns. If that is what you really want, go for it...
} personally, I like you much better the way you are right now.
} You owe the Oracle the Stones tickets you gave away...