|
} +----------------------------------------------------+
} | |
} | T. Oracle, PhD |
} | |
} | Professor of Wisdom and Knowledge |
} | |
} | |
} | Office Hours: Whenever truly needed |
} | |
} | You don't need to knock, I know you're there |
} | |
} +----------------------------------------------------+
}
} O: Hello supplicant, how may I help you?
}
} S: Prof. Oracle, I really need an A in this class. I've been working
} _awfully_ hard this semester, but I fell asleep during the last
} exam, which is why I only got a 43.
}
} O: Yes, I know. I also know that you spent the night before seeing if
} you could drink enough cans of beer to completely cover your window
} in the dorm and block out the light from the tennis courts. If you
} hadn't had those beer nuts and barfed, you might have made it, too!
}
} S: I'm glad you understand, Professor. Is there anything I can do in
} the meantime for extra credit?
}
} O: Well, I do have this backlog of questions from oracle.edu to finish,
} and it's tough to grade exams and be funny at the same time.
} Grading exams is usually *so* depressing! Then again, so are
} reading most of the pitiful questions I've been getting this
} semester. What's the matter, did they stop teaching Big Ten
} students how to party? Or are you guys still trying to figure out
} what went wrong with the football team? Next thing you know, you'll
} be losing to Northwestern!
}
} S: Gee, I don't know, Professor. Isn't it kinda unethical for a
} _student_ to be answering questions for the Oracle?
}
} O: (Where's this kid from, Illinois? Chee, they're getting more naive
} all the time.) No it isn't, son. You see, you're really only doing
} the background research on the questions. I'll do the final
} drafting and make sure that the questions receive the Oracle touch.
} (Yeah, and Sadaam Hussein was the guest of honor at your beer blast
} last night! How does this shmuck think professors get their
} curriculum vitae so long?) Now, just sit here at the terminal and
} answer a few questions while I finish that stack of exams at my
} desk. I'll give you ten points makeup credit for every question you
} answer, and another ten points if any of them make the
} Oracularities.
}
} # mail -f mbox -noheaders
}
} > Help! I've fallen and I can't get up.
}
} r
} Aw shaddup, granny. I told you a Seniors roller skating party was a
} dumb idea.
} ^d
}
} > Oh Oracle, most wise electronic djinn, where do the soap bubbles go
} > when I take a bubble bath?
}
} r
} You'll find the answer on the evening news. Film at 11.
} ^d
}
} > Who is John Galt?
}
} r
} Don't ask me, I'm still waiting for Godot.
} ^d
}
} > Where's the closest bathroom?
}
} r
} Go up the stairs to the roof and piss off!
} ^d
}
} > Which is better, the IBM P/C or the Macintosh?
}
} r
} Actually, baked at 450 degrees for an hour, and sauteed with butter,
} both are excellent! I'd recommend a Rhone wine with the IBM P/C, but
} for the Macintosh you really need a more robust wine like a Cabernet
} Sauvignon. Serve some Sparc chips as an appetizer, and for dessert,
} Apple ][ pie, of course.
} ^d
}
}
} S: Professor, I've answered five questions, so is my grade a 93?
}
} O: Sure, son, and thanks a lot. Oh, and by the way, its a lot easier
} to read the textbook after you unwrap it. See you in three weeks
} after the next exam, I suppose.
}
}
} &^%$#@ undergraduates. Why couldn't the Dean let me teach only graduate
} seminars this semester. They write much better answers.
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![[IO]](https://kinzler.com/picons/db/domains/org/internetoracle/unknown/face.gif){kind=small}
