} Hmmm... let me look back into your file and see what sort of
} submissions you have been generating as an incarnation of Yours Truly.
}
} (shuffle, shuffle)
}
} (giggle)
}
} (shuffle, shuffle)
}
} (chortle)
}
} (shuffle, shuffle)
}
} (gafaw, gasp, choke, wheeze)
}
} My, but these have been excellent!! It is a shame that such humor
} hasn't been able to be seen by all...
}
} You realize, of course, that a select group of people have been inducted
} into the Sacred Society known as the Oracle Priesthood (in fact, THIS
} incarnation of the Oracle is a member of said group). These individuals
} have the most awesome and incredible responsibility of selecting, from
} the millions and millions of Oracularities done each day, the ones that
} may possibly appear in the alt.humor.oracle digests. Then, from those
} returned from the devout priesthood, the TRUE incarnation of the Oracle
} will take those best suited and, thru the hands of Steve Kinzler, the
} digest is created.
}
} So, obviously, somewhere along the line your stuff is slipping through
} the cracks. Let's examine some possible reasons:
}
} 1. The priest(s) who review your Oracularities has no sense of humor.
}
} Possible, but highly unlikely.
}
} 2. The priest(s) who review your Oracularities has a DIFFERENT sense of
} humor.
}
} Highly likely... although takeoffs of Monty Python, Douglass Adams,
} or David Letterman may reach a very common denominator.
}
} 3. The priest(s) who review your Oracularities is so swamped with mail
} that he just says "F**k it" and deletes them all.
}
} Somewhat possible, but highly unlikely... This incarnation has NEVER
} done that, at the expense of a great deal of time, phone charges,
} and almost my job.
}
} 4. The priest(s) who review your Oracularities is waiting for a
} "gratuity".
}
} Bingo. Send a few bucks next time, or the name and phone-number of
} a very "friendly" cute acquaintence, and I'll bet you'll see you
} stuff in no time.
}
} 5. The priest(s) who review your Oracularities is sending your
} submissions on, but the TRUE Oracle isn't selecting them for
} publication.
}
} Oh well... that's the breaks. Of course, Kinzler might be the weak
} link here, but that's another matter.
}
} So, in short, just keep trying, and maybe you'll get in there. Of
} course, I hope that THIS makes it in there, and if I find that one of my
} fellow priests reject this, I'll have some very nasty words for them.
}
} You owe this incarnation of the Oracle some very good Oracularities, so
} I can forward them in and raise my rating score (yes, the Priesthood is
} VERY VERY competative).
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