} The truth is, you've just discovered a loophole by which our nation's
} libraries havee managed to finagle themselves a power which has been
} denied to all other divisions of government. I refer, of course, to
} the granting of titles. You may remember from your US Govt/Civics
} classes back in high school that when the American Constitution was
} written, this provision was put in saying that the government didn't
} have the right to grant positions of royalty or titles like 'baron' or
} 'duke' to anyone. This was because everyone was sick of all the
} doings of the aristocracy in England, whose yoke the Americans had so
} recently escaped. Thus, if someone did something nice for the
} government, they might be rewarded with a cushy job, or some money, or
} a ribbon, but nothing that would put them 'above' their fellow citizens.
} A short time later, Ben Franklin was trying to put together the first
} national library. Since distributing a published work wasn't so easy
} then as it is now, it was unreasonable to demand that a copy of every
} book published in the newly emerging nation be delivered to the library
} - transportation costs would have been prohibitive.
} So Ben knew that if his library was to be a success, he'd have to
} offer an incentive. Looking at the budget he was allotted, he knew
} that it would have to be a cheap incentive. Now Ben, George, Tom, and
} all those 'founding fathers' types were members of one of those
} Masonic orders. You know, kind of like the Water Buffaloes back on
} the Flintstones? Anyhow, you can get people in these organizations
} to do just about anything by telling them things like "But you can't
} be the Chief Poobah of the Sacred Chimneystone unless you strip naked
} and walk across these hot coals with your eyes closed." Ben figured
} that he could get authors and publishers to do just about anything
} if he could grant them some sort of title. He was given tacit
} permission by his lodge brothers and fellow oligarchs.
} The plan was that a standard card catalog would be used, but that the
} word 'subject' would be shortened to 'sub' and 'author' to 'aut'.
} Thus, 'title' not being shortened would stand out that much more.
} Thomas Jefferson liked this part of the plan. "You had to give the
} authors titles - most of them already have tits." It was hard to
} figure out exactly what he meant by this, but Jefferson was obviously
} very amused.
} The most powerful authors were granted cards in the catalog with the
} word 'subject' left whole - this was a sign that they had subjects -
} serfs, that is. Citizens who were enslaved and pressed into service
} by the Library Internal Security Police.
} My advice to you is not to tell anyone about this. The Library has
} agents everywhere, and would love to be able to use you as a subject
} they've promised to Carrie Fisher...
} You owe the oracle an unexpired library card.