} Simple. By typing "sub *" you are automatically subscribed to every
} newsgroup in existence, as common sense would lead you to believe.
} However, the listserver notes this action, and, as you begin to leaf
} through the various newsgroups, it implants subliminal messages in the
} If you might have noticed, there is a large amount of useless
} information in the header of each posting detailing exactly who posted
} it, what paths it traveled around the world to finally arrive at your
} lowly terminal, and various other garbage. This information, in fact,
} is packed full of subliminal messages. Since you naturally don't
} normally read this information, but flip through it so that it only
} appears on the screen for but a brief moment, it becomes firmly embedded
} on your sub-conscious mind.
} In the beginning, the listserver implants harmless messages, such as
} "You really want to read the next posting" and "Oh, just read one more
} for fun...". It also invokes some positive feedback messages such as
} "You are a great big stud and very well endowed" to incure some excited
} responses. It is not uncommon, at this point, for the reader to
} continue reading *every* message from *every* newsgroup, and all the
} while become more and more frenzied and sexually stimulated. In a
} confused and weakened state, it becomes easier for the listserver to
} implant these suggestions. You read the news postings faster and
} faster, you flip through the headers at a high rate of speed, you call
} your bank and transfer the sum of $1000 to account number #S32-7436, you
} write a blank check and send it to a P.O. Box 432, Pokipse, N.Y.
} 38563, and you finally finish reading the final message of the very last
} newsgroup. By this time, gobs more messages have been posted, and you
} begin reading once again...
} You are now financially ruined, as you made your credit card numbers and
} versateller PIN numbers globally available, and you've developed strange
} fetishes for small rodents. You should type "unsub *" and subscribe
} only to "alt.sex.bestiality", and live the rest of your life in abject
} poverty, but happy with your new-found gopher friend.
} You owe the oracle *POST YOUR CALLING CARD NUMBER* back issues of
} "Gardening Weekly", esp. the one on how to trap those pesky garden