} Well, although you fail to show respect for the Oracle, and even invoke
} the assistance of one of His competitors, the High Priest of Gosh, the
} Oracle is forgiving. Besides, Gosh retired 32 years ago when the last
} of the Andy Hardy movies was made. Somehow, Mickey Rooney just wasn't
} convincing as a teenager anymore. Maybe it was the wig.
} It does worry the Oracle that you presume that your desk has a higher
} purpose than the deflocculation of pigeons. Nevertheless, you are, in
} fact, correct. The pigeons are actually the task of your desk lamp,
} your desk has not yet had the opportunity to begin its higher purpose in
} Now, since you have decided to urge your desk along to its ultimate
} destiny, you are going to have to supply some of the necessary support.
} Please assemble the following items.
} 3 Peanut Butter and jelly sandwiches. (Skippy Peanut butter, Welchs'
} Grape Jelly, any bread except Wonder Bread)
} about 100 Bandaids (tm). (The clear kind are best.)
} a sack from a grocery store, preferrably the double-thickness kind.
} (the single thickness ones are _so_ unreliable these days.)
} Once you have assembled these items, place the 3 PB&J sandwiches in the
} corners of the desk furthest away from the window. Carefully unwrap the
} Bandaids and use them to connect the peanut butter and jelly sandwiches
} together, making sure not to have any part of the Bandaids touching the
} surface of the desk. (If necessary, place some kind of support between
} the chain of Bandaids and the desk. Don't under any circumstances use
} your dirty socks for this task, however.)
} Recite the wording on the grocery sack backwards 23 times while standing
} on your head, wearing only clean underwear. (Splurge, do your laundry
} more often than once a month!)
} After you have sucessfully completed this task, your desk will be on the
} road towards its future.
} The Oracle thanks you for your efforts, no payment is necessary.
} Oh, you wanted to know wt your desk's true destiny was? Sorry, you
} didn't ask that question!