} Well, Annie, once upon a time there was a little girl, and she liked to
} chew on things. She chewed on rugs, she chewed on mugs, she chewed on
} cats, she chewed on rats, she chewed on logs, she chewed on dogs, she
} chewed on gum, she chewed on... uh... well, you get the idea.
} Then, one dark and stormy night, a wicked forest ranger came up to her
} and gave her a book of matches, and told her to go out and play with
} them in the Enchanted Forest (did I mention there was an Enchanted
} Forest nearby?). Well, the little girl knew that it was wrong to play
} with matches, because she had seen her brother do it once and her
} step-mother took him into her bedroom and all sorts of weird moans and
} screams followed (she never did understand why her brother came out of
} her step-mothers bedroom with a great big smile on her face).
} But the evil Forest Ranger was very rude, and told her that either she
} went and played with the matches in the middle of the forest, or he
} would take her away and sell her into slavery with the ferocious Royal
} Motorcycle Gang. That was all she needed to hear. She threw the book
} of matches into her mouth, chewed them all up, and spit them at the
} Forest Ranger.
} Today, she's the sex slave of the leader of the Royal Motorcycle Gang,
} and has all sorts of interesting tatoos, piercings, and a collar
} permanently locked around her neck. She's also very, very happy.
} Meanwhile, the evil Forest Ranger had an unfortunate accident involving
} a lustful llama, and hasn't been seen since.
} So, Annie, the fact that you like to chew on matches can only point to
} one thing... heh, heh, heh.
} You owe the Oracle an anonymous posting to alt.sex.bondage and a new
} whip. *crack*