} Why do you mortals insist on asking me questions as directly as you
} would your local bartender? I realize that you can't conceive of a
} being who is omniscient, omnipotent, and omnipresent, but really -- I
} gave you the rules regarding the proper measures of respect and
} submissiveness to use when addressing The Great Oracle, and I gave them
} simply enough for even your limited cranial capacity to comprehend.
} Next time I take one of your toes.
} Not another question about a dead celebrity! I fail to see why there
} is so much interest in what the dead would be doing now if they were
} alive. But given popular culture like "Bill and Ted's Excellent
} Adventure," it's obviously a fixation on Terra Firma, so I will wake
} poor Bach to trouble him with your question.
} Johann Sebastian Bach, or "Johnnie," as he prefers to be referred to in
} The Afterlife, has given your question some thought, and he will speak
} to you through me now.
} Heeeeeeeeeere's Johnnie!!!!!:
} "My dear 20th century fancier, let me first say how good it is to be
} speaking to you through the Cosmic Continuum. You are receiving me
} clearly, I hope?
} Your question regards my preferences for a companion amongst several
} modern names.
} First, I quickly dismiss Billy Graham. He is a disgrace to all called
} holy, and he commits the ultimate sin -- he is boring. There is a
} certain musical quality about the silence heard so infrequently in his
} presence, and that I would opt for tenfold beyond the company of such
} an idiot. Besides, he has no taste. Look at what he wears!
} On the other hand, I enjoy Phillip Glass, and might take the
} opportunity to converse with him over a snifter of brandy about music
} theory, but I doubt we would make more than occasional dinner
} companions. I get strange vibes from him.
} I also enjoy Jean-Michel Jarre. I have all his CDs. I even attended
} his concert in China -- that was me, the cold draft in the left
} orchestra. I certainly prefer him to his father, Maurice Jarre, the
} filmscore composer. Aaah, poor Maurice! To try so hard and achieve so
} little. Oh well. Anyway, my French has lapsed, so conversing with JM
} might be difficult.
} Axel Rose is a name I do not know. Is he a rabbi?"
} Goodnight Johnnie. Sorry to disturb your eternal sleep.
} You owe Johnnie Bach a box of Extra-Strength Sominex, and you owe the
} Oracle a subscription to Opus.