} "Tell me a story"? "Tell me a story"? Such a request from a mere
} mortal! You are not even worty to touch my smallest circuit. But a
} story...this could be interesting.
} Why the Shmanka-bank-bank is Such
} a Groovy Guy!
} by the USENET Oracle (that's me!)
} The stranger stood upon the small rise overlooking the small
} vlage. It all appeared the same. The same at it had for centuries.
} But he had the feeling that something would happen today. Something
} wonderful. Something to praise.
} Steve looked up from his keyboard at the person in the
} doorway. "Whatd'ya want, dammit!?"
} "Steve, the boss wants to see you," said the sultry voice
} belonging to the overweight secretary. "NOW!"
} "Yeah, yeah," Steve replied. Same old thing as everyday.
} "The boss wants this", "the boss wants that." Yeah, whatever. Steve
} had his own problems. These shitheads didn't know what the hell they
} were doing, but he did.
} A little while later, his boss entered, turned on the lights,
} and looked behind the door.
} "Steve. I want to know what the hell is going on. Your
} current process, this AnswerQuestion, is just taking too much damn
} processor power. You're going to have to shut it down. And what about
} the molecular modeling lab I had you working on?"
} Oh great. Here it goes again. "Look Mr. Shmanka-bank-bank, I
} don't need your shit. The lab is done. I promise. Really. Look
} here's a picture of some output." Steve scrounged around in his
} latest issue of Chemistry Today (hey, it's free!), and found a
} picture. "Here. How's that?"
} Mr. Shmanka-bank-bank took the photo. "Hmmm. Looks kinda
} like the output Mike down the hall gave me. In any case, keep working
} on it, and shut down AnswerQuestion!" The boss guy stormed out.
} Steve slinked down the hall, staying against the walls and in
} the shadows. He ducked into Mike's office, turned on the lights, and
} looked behind the door.
} "Mike. Look, I got this great program I'm working on. It's
} called AnswerQuestion, and it's the greatest thing since vi."
} Mike grabbed his vi puke bucket and ralphed away. After he
} recovered, he looked up and said, "That good, eh?"
} "Yeah. It's great. But it's pretty CPU intensive, and the
} boss man wants it shut down. Besides I'm supposed to be working on a
} molecular modeling program."
} "You too?" Mike replied. "We've been working on that for the
} past 6.2462 years. Just show him a picture out of Chemistry Today.
} You get a free subscription."
} "I did. I think he might be catching on."
} "Great. Now what are WE supposed to do."
} "Look Mike, I don't care. But I want to keep AnswerQuestion
} running. It's the greatest thing since VMS!"
} Mike grabbed a bucket with no writing on it. He quickly
} scribbled "VMS Puke Bucket" on a PostIt note and stuck it on the
} bucket. "Just till I can get something more permenant," he said. He
} then proceeded to manufacture copious amounts of Technicolor belches.
} Upon completion, he said, "Look Stever, just rename the
} process. Name it something like Q&A, or maybe, maybe Oracle! Yeah,
} that just might work! Besides, there's already a commercial product
} under that name."
} "Thanks Mike! That's a great idea!" Steve ran down the hall
} back to his little hovel. He sat in his old duct-taped repaired
} chair. He felt the tape stick to the patches of hair on his scrawny
} legs, and he sighed with comfort.
} And THAT is how I got my name. I know, I know, it has little
} to do with the title, but that's ok. I mean, I'm the Oracle, dammit!
} (Hey Steve, no offense. No, hey, don't touch that! Don't tou..