} Do I like Pink Floyd?!? Are you kidding! To me, all human music
} sounds like someone hammering nails into an aluminum can. If you were
} to listen to my music, it would melt your brain. Seriously, do you
} think I would have a personal aesthetic opinion on Pink Floyd? You
} might as well ask, "do you like the sound of two rocks banging
} together?" The closest humans have ever come to even slightly
} acceptable music is "Hotel California" by the Eagles. It's the only
} song I can listen to without gnawing my fingers off.
} My favorite album is "Death Song of Larsus." This is no ordinary
} album; it is an Epic achievement. Let me tell you how it was made.
} Larsus was a bastard child of Zeus and one of the Muses. (It is still
} not clear which Muse.) Larsus was a good singer, a VERY good singer.
} He could sing lichen off of rocks. He could sing rain of of the sky
} and then sing it back into the clouds. He could sing a man to
} suicidal depression and then to insane joy within the same minute.
} When Larsus sang, the Earth reverberated in harmony.
} Well, in an interesting twist of fate, Hera (Zeus's wife) fell in love
} Larsus. Now Hera can be a wee bit intimidating. So, when Larsus was
} running for his life from Hera, he accidentally entered the bedroom of
} Athena (Zeus's daughter). In order to keep Athena quiet, Larsus sang
} her a quiet little love song, and Athena immediately fell in love with
} him. Let me tell you, these gods have a complicated sex life. Of
} course, Larsus did not love Athena or Hera, he loved one of the muses,
} Euterpe, who just happened to be a half sister of his mother. Of
} course, Larsus did not know this since his parentage had always been
} kept secret. Also, when Larsus was younger, he was told by a seer
} that "the love of a sister would kill him." Larsus did not know that
} Athena was his sister, but Athena was very good friends with Rondera
} (a very minor diety), and Larsus had been led to believe that
} Rondera's father, Tandera, was also his father. Tandera would
} occasionally "play ball" with Hera, much to the embarrassment of
} Rondera. But back to the story. Athena dragged Larsus before Zeus to
} tell Zeus that they were going to get married. Zeus, who had been
} trying to marry off Athena for years, gave his approval. Of course,
} Zeus had long since forgotten who Larsus really was. Larsus
} complained bitterly that he loved Euterpe instead. As Larsus said
} this, Hera walked in and became very angry. In terror Larsus cried
} out for aid from Tandera. Tandera heard the call and came running.
} When Tandera entered the room and saw that Hera was furious, he kept
} quiet. Rondera heard all of the commotion and came running also.
} Rondera decided to use this opportunity to get her father, and she
} told Zeus that Hera had been "doing the nasty" with Tandera. At this,
} Zeus became very angry. In terror Larsus cried out for aid from
} Euterpe. When Euterpe entered the room, she lost all composure. She
} told Hera about the true heritage of Larsus. Hera turned on Zeus and
} demanded an explanation. Zeus calmly explained that it was all
} Larsus's fault, and everybody believed him. After all, Zeus is the
} top god for a reason. Hera decided to kill Larsus by suspending him
} with a rope over a lake filled with hungry sharks. The rope would
} slowly fray for a year until finally Larsus dropped into the lake.
} To make a long story short, Larsus tried to save himself by singing
} a very exciting song at the lake. (My album has this song.) The song
} encapsulated all of the drama and anguish that he had endured in his
} short life. The lake became so excited that it boiled, and all
} of the sharks were killed. At the moment, the rope broke and Larsus
} fell into the lake. He was immediately turned into a tasty stew. The
} moral of the story is "you can't bake your lake and meet it too."
} Now don't bother me with your silly Pink Floyd.