} Fill-in-your-own-grovelling. What is the world coming to? Next thing
} you know I'll be getting grovelling macros. Well, I'm in a charitable
} mood, and you did grovel a little bit in your own humble, pathetic way,
} so I suppose I'll give you an answer.
} Yours is an interesting question. It is a question that has baffled
} scientists, philosophers, metaphysicists, and Erma Bombeck fans for
} years. No one has come up with an answer to date. No one, that is,
} except the Oracle. Yes, I and I alone know the answer to this all-
} important question, and now I'm ready to share it with the world! Yes,
} the One True Sock Answer is now before you: those socks that you
} thought were lost forever in time and space actually ended up, after
} travelling through a special patented Chrono-synclastic Infundibulum
} that has mysteriously been appearing in dryers everywhere, to...MY
} WAREHOUSE! Yes, it's...
} THE USENET ORACLE'S HOUSE O' MISMATCHED SOCKS!
} Yes, my friends, now it can be told, and at WHAT A SAVINGS. The Oracle
} is liquidating his entire stock of millions upon millions of mismatched
} socks! Yup, I've been collecting them since the modern clothes dryer
} appeared in the late 1940s and now I'm ready to sell them to you at
} BLOW-OUT LIQUIDATION PRICES! I've got argyles! Tubes! Athletics!
} Even wool!
} Now you may be asking yourself, "How can I cash in on this amazing
} once-in-a-lifetime offer?? How much does the fabulous Oracle want
} for this form-fitting footwear?" How much would you expect to pay
} for a vintage mismatched sock? $40? $50?? AHAHAAHAHAAHAHAHAAHAHA!!!
} DON'T MAKE ME LAUGH! These socks are coming to you for the amazing
} ONE-TIME PRICE of only $9.95 each! No, that was NOT line noise!
} $9.95 each! Yes, for only $9.95 YOU can own a randomly selected
} sock from the Oracle's vast warehouse in downtown Hoboken! Maybe it
} was once worn by a powerful chief of state! Maybe it was once worn
} by a famous Hollywood star!! MAYBE it was once worn by ELVIS
} Now I think I mentioned what a generous, charitable mood I'm in today.
} That's why I'm prepared to offer you the following INCREDIBLE DEAL:
} TWO SOCKS for only $16.95! Yes, TWO beautiful anonymous socks for
} the low low price of $16.95!! ORDER YOURS TODAY!! Just run your
} favorite mailer and send your address and credit card number to:
} email@example.com! That's firstname.lastname@example.org!
} Once again, that address is: email@example.com! And
} don't forget to ask about our special SACK O' SOCKS, featuring over
} 100 RANDOMLY SELECTED mismatched socks! ONE OF THEM MAY BE YOURS!
} And remember our guarantee: Each and every sock sent to you is
} GUARANTEED to be COMPLETELY DRY, or your money back!
} You owe the Oracle $5.00 in quarters for the laundromat.