} Legally? You expect a near-divine presence who flaunts the law he
} himself helped define 3000 years ago to worry about minor things like
} I should Zap (tm) you for that insolence, you lowly dorm rat.
} There! Now that I've gotten *that* out of my system, let's see if we
} can help solve your problem. Stated briefly, you got the hots for some
} babes in the dorm, but they've already plugged in to some other dudes,
} right? (The Oracle doesn't worry about being Politically Correct,
} OK, you got a few choices, but the odds of any of them working are
} kinda small. You're probably better off working on one chick at a
} 1. The flattery approach. Rearrange your schedule so you have the
} same classes she does. (This could get a litle tricky, as long as you
} don't mind not graduating, though, it should be manageable.) Now make
} sure you sit beside her at least once or twice a week. Find
} *something* you like about her other than her physical appearance
} (that's TOO old a line to work these days) and mention it. If you keep
} this approach up, you should at least be invited to the wedding.
} 2. The direct approach. Tell her you think she's the sexiest thing on
} campus and you would like to dance naked with her at midnight in your
} room. Even if this approach fails, it has the distinct advantage of
} saving time.
} 3. The Forbes 500 approach. Tool around campus in your BMW
} convertible and offer her a ride back to the dorm, the long way--via
} Switzerland. (Say that you just need to go over to get your watch
} repaired.) If she falls for this approach, you've got a real problem,
} though. Just ask Donald Trump.
} You owe the Oracle the phone numbers of the girls you strike out with,
} and send the names and an accurate physical description of their
} boyfriends to email@example.com.