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} Good Person, it is obvious from your egregious use of the Olde English,
} that you consider yourself a gentleman and a scholar, and so I will not
} give you the usual blow off answer that I usually give when interrupted
} from a rousing game of 'Hide the XWindow' with Lisa for such a measly
} question as the one you ask. Instead, I shall provide you with a very
} well thought out and deep answer. However, this is going to take
} several days preparation, and several materials will need to be
} provided by you in order for this answer to be forthcoming. For that
} reason, I request that you perform the following actions in order to
} make the proper preparations both for researching the answer, and to
} provide yourself with the proper respect upon your receipt of same.
}
} First, we'll consider things you must do to adequately aid in the
} preparation of the answer:
}
} 1) Find a four pronged diffle switch. This is a signifigantly
} difficult thing to do, and I wish you luck. If you want
} some advice, I suggest not bothering with your local hardware
} store if you don't want to be locked up as a clinically insane
} mass murderer.
}
} 2) Locate the West Pole. Use any definition of the west pole
} which you deem appropriate, as long as it doesn't distinctly
} contradict the definitions of either the north or the south
} pole.
}
} 3) By the light of the full moon, you must find four Holstein
} cows, with green eyes, and bring them to your local computer
} cluster, from there count the number of people who think it
} odd that you are logged into a mainframe and have four
} Holsteins with green eyes with you. Divide this number, by
} the number of people who are there, but aren't quite sure that
} you exist. Finally, take this number and multiply by 42 and
} add 5.
}
} 4) Return the cows and count the number of angels dancing on the
} head of the pin that is sticking out of your shirt collar.
}
} 5) Take all of this information and place it in a Converse Shoe
} box with the words 'Things to Do Today' written in green magic
} marker on the back. Bury the shoebox in a graveyard by the
} light of the new moon, and wait.
}
} To Prepare yourself for receiving the answer, and hence, enlightenment:
}
} 1) Consider the Lilies of the field, they toil not, neither do
} they spin. Ponder this.
}
} 2) Spend a month focusing on your belly button. While doing this
} chant the phrase "I shall not disturb the Oracle when he is
} with Lisa" over and over again.
}
} 3) Die.
}
} 4) Resurrect yourself. Start a religion based on your heavenly
} hostness.
}
} 5) Ignore Steps 3 and 4.
}
} 6) Rise with the sun, set with the moon, and never ever deal with
} a dragon.
}
} 7) Wait for the answer accompanying an advert in your local paper
} that is of someone selling a Bridge in Brooklyn.
}
} You are most Welcome,
}
} Oracle.
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