} Strange, isn't it, the way some people can make their grovelling sound
} like insults (or is it the other way round - insults that sound like
} grovelling?)... "Thank heavens" for not smelling my feet, indeed! Well,
} a question's a question, so I suppose I'll have to answer it...
} Oracle: Lisa!
} Lisa: Yeees, Orrie?
} O: Why don't you want to sleep with this guy?
} L: Who? Oh, *him*. Why should I?
} O: Well, you usually want to sleep with most guys...
} L: (giggles) Yeah, but not _all_ guys... (giggles)
} Actually, there are lots of reasons - ten of them, I think.
} O: Could you write them down for him?
} L: Sure!
} *** Lisa's Top Ten Reasons For Not Sleeping With (name deleted) ***
} * Cuz I'm the Net.sex.goddess, and I don't have sex with mere mortals
} like you. Unless there's a really good reason, of course (like no
} nice immortals within a twenty feet distance).
} * Even if I sleep with a mere mortal like you, I'd just *never* do it
} with a computer geek like you - computers are *such* a turnoff.
} Unless there's a real good reason, of course, like there's only
} computer geeks around within a 20 feet distance.
} * You're the kind of guy who tries to stare down the cleavage of women,
} to check if they're wearing a bra. And I *don't* like to have my
} lingerie drooled on (when I wear any).
} * If you take a look at yourself in a mirror, you'd undrestand that
} noone would like to sleep with you if she wasn't blindfolded. But of
} course, having sex blindfolded can be *soo* fun.
} * Before I'd even think about doing such a thing, you'd have to do
} something about that breath of yours. Do you know what a toothbrush
} * And, you'd need to do something about those pimples, too.
} * You're being nasty to poor Orrie - he's a bit silly about all that
} grovelling, I know, but I think you could be a bit nicer than
} that... Didn't you notice how sad you made him?
} O: Well, actually, sad isn't the right word. I'd rather say you have
} awakened my Divine Wrath!
} L: Oh Orrie, you sure have a way with words! But I know some part of
} you I'd rather awaken... (giggles)
} O: Not now, please - we've got work to do!
} L: OK, one more reason:
} * I know I'm into some pretty kinky stuff at times (all the time,
} actually), but there are limits - I mean, do you think I'd like to
} sleep with a geek who *eats* the "chunky pieces" out of someone's
} nose? Yeccch! That's *gross*!
} So, that's it: Lisa's Top Ten Reasons For Not Sleeping With (name
} O: Sorry to disappoint you, Liss, but that's only seven reasons...
} L: Oh, you know, Orrie, I've never been very good at math... But I know
} something funnier to do right now...
} (strange noises)
} O: Ohh! Hey, that's great, but could you just give me a second to
} finish off the answer...
} So, there you are, now you know Lisa's reasons for not sleeping with
} you. Also, let me add that even if Lisa would consent to sleep with
} you, the only thing she'd do would be sleep - she's so easily bored...
} [The Oracle apologizes for the blatant sexual stereotypes and the lack
} of Political Correctness (tm) in this Oracularity, but after all Lisa
} *is* a tramp]
} You owe the Oracle a 33 MHz 80486SX system, running OS/2 2.0 *and*
} Unix. You owe Lisa a first grade math textbook.